yorkshire

I am pissed. Angry. Seething. Mad.

I woke up this morning and my first thought was that I am so furious that somebody disrespected me for 8 months by first hooking me in by sweet talking me, then pulling away in sometimes very cruel ways when I started to get attached.

I do not know at this point how many things he said to me were complete lies.
I don't believe a word he said to me about anything right now and I am trying so hard to stop myself from going down that road of " well I must have deserved it because maybe I did something to prompt that in him, maybe this is my fault " ( I do know better than that...but that appears to still be my default option...I do know that his commitment problems started well before he met me, alcoholics lie all the time anyway and this guy is one heck of a messed up individual.....but I keep falling back on.."well maybe I could have helped him sort himself out?" aaagh. Not sure that makes any sense at all...? )

I was doing so well, until he sent me a text message offering to do a favor for me, something I had asked for weeks ago and gotten no response on. I caught myself thinking, maybe this is it? Maybe he realized that he needs to also give in a friendship and perhaps he is trying to make an effort for me this time ? Plus, he wanted my mailing address so I thought huh...maybe he wants to make amends to me at some point? So I responded and gave him the info he needed and asked him a question. But no response .....he pulled back from me AGAIN.

So when I woke up this morning I was angry. I did something that I have fantasized about for so long.... I texted him.....Said he was the biggest ******* I had ever met in my entire life. It felt good. Then I deleted the texts so I don't have his number.

One day at a time....

Tuffgirl

I like to call this ^^^ the "love of a good woman" syndrome. And I think its normal to fall into that trap. Like guys who fall for the "rescue the damsel in distress" syndrome. For some reason, we human beings have a strong desire to "help" others, and some of us take that to the extreme, allowing it to become bigger than ourselves and our lives.

Let it go, hon. I know it hurts like hell, and I recognize the anger. Feel that anger, but let it propel you in a new direction. This energy could be better spent on someone who wants and appreciates what you have to offer.

FifiRhubarb

It sounds to me like he has a tendency to withdraw his attention when he's getting yours. My ex was the same way. We were together 2 years and the only way I ever really got any emotional involvement from him was when I distanced myself. Now after breaking up he has tried to get in contact with me so many times, because I won't have it. I don't know why the guy you're talking about acts that way; I have some suspicions as to why my AXBF does. But ultimately, once you get through the difficult part of letting them go, it becomes so easy and you realize how stupid it is to waste your time on someone who only wants you when he can't have you!

LexieCat

I thought you already deleted him?

Well, hope this time you REALLY deleted him.

yorkshire

I DID delete him. I said I deleted the texts so I didn't have his number to reply to. He isn't in my contacts and I don't know his number.

TakingCharge999

I woke up this morning and my first thought was that I am so furious that somebody disrespected me for 8 months by first hooking me in by sweet talking me, then pulling away in sometimes very cruel ways when I started to get attached.


This just happened to me. I hate it when I feel my heart heavy. Sports have helped me. I am looking forward to box and MMA tonight. Nothing like learning how to break arms to make you feel empowered LOL.

The other day I imagined the guy who was training with me was XABF when I did a maneuver. The teacher told me that was my best yet and that it looked very natural, lol.

Anger is better than sadness, it helps you move forward. There are better people out there, who are healthier...

TakingCharge999

Its difficult to draw the line, recognize how you missed red flags, perhaps the unworthiness feelings, etc... but also know that you can't possibly control someone else nor foresee how they are going to act.

Right now I am choosing to go for the second one and convince myself what others do is none of my business nor do I have to find any explanation nor justify their actions either, I just need to know my own boundary... and if the boundary is not respected that's all I really need to know. Easier said than done. But this is the only method to keep my own sanity. I have to remember keeping my own sanity is my job, and its top priority even if others don't like it.

Patsy22

My heart goes out to you. Right now I am grieving my longterm alcoholic partner. But I alternate between hating him for doing this to me and feeling guilty. It is hard but hang on in there, you will come through. Hugs x

Manmust

Thanks for this thread, helps me see what my AGf is doing. Thought I was going crazy. She's the sweetest when I've had enough and pull away. It messes with your head because you associate being deeply in love and showing it with it not being reciprocated.

TakingCharge999

I am in a poetry website and today's "poem" is

"I don't want you to hold my hand if later you will let it go. I need something real".