15NJGirl

Kids have been affected. Can anyone on here speak from experience or recommend threads to help me identify what kids are are aware of and experiencing at those ages so I know how to talk to them? Their dad is a secret drinker, so they don't have in your face experience of it, but I believe they would know something is off, even if only in our marriage.

Dee74

I'm not a parent, but I wanted to welcome you to SR 15NJGirl
I'm sure you'll receive responses from other posters soon enough

D

tromboneliness

Not sure what advice I can offer, but let us know how it goes! I did an intervention with my "qualifier," and it worked -- she went to treatment and has been sober for 16+ years. Good luck!

T

15NJGirl

But was spitting mad, hating me. And I just found row of condoms in his gym bag while looking for his stashes of alcohol and now I'm reeling, feeling so nauseated and upset, wondering if I can and should ever try to repair from this.

deeker

I believe my hubby told my son, Mommy is sick right now and she needs to go away to get help to get better. It was the truth!

Kialua

Yes they certainly have been affected and it will be with them the rest of their lives. How they resolve it depends on you. Here is a thread that shows the characteristics to learn. Read more of the stickies above when you are not reeling from this event.
http://www.soberrecovery.com/forums/...-children.html

As far as patching it up if he has been unfaithful, you are under no obligation to do so if you don't want to. That's your decision. And if you can don't be sure to NOT introduce any other man into your kids life until they are 18 and healthy. 12 years from now.

One of my girlfriends did this, and she thought of her 12 years as her parole date, but that only happens if you are intense about raising them healthy, otherwise it could be extended due to pregnancies or drug/alcohol problems. You have a long road ahead of you but there is plenty of help if you want it. They only have you. Good luck.

VickiACA

15NJGirl,

Are you attending alanon? I highly recommend it.

Best wishes.
Vicki

NWGRITS

Kids are definitely more perceptive than we typically give them credit for. My mother has been an alcoholic longer than I've been alive. While I didn't really know what was going on in my home, I knew that something wasn't right. It was around age 12 that things finally started clicking for me, but by that time a great deal of the damage had already been done. I can't stress enough the importance of getting some help for yourself and your children. I didn't have any type of counseling or support, and that lack stayed with me into adulthood. It hasn't been an easy life for me, but through Al-Anon and therapy, I'm finally managing to understand what's normal and what's not, and am starting to take responsibility for my life and those of my own children.