LoveMeNow

My husband and his therapist have talked about him trying Vivitrol for a few months. He asked me what I thought about it and I really didn't have any opinions or knowledge to share. So I decided to read up on it. My husband is currently clean and has an appointment for the injection.

He later asked me if I thought it was a sign of weakness on his behalf. He claims trying to work his recovery while running a business (which is booming again), and repairing relationships is way just too overwhelming right now. He can understand the benefits of why some really need rehab - so they can focus just on themselves and their own recovery. However, it would financially ruin him/us again and doesn't want that on top of everything else.

He has discussed this with his NA sponsor who is actually all for it. He will continue with meetings, his sponsor and his therapist. He has asked me to be open minded and give him this opportunity. He believes it is a band aid for now, however hopes it will bring him back to the "spiritual awakening" he once had and lost after his surgery.

I am not sure how I feel about this and I know it's not my place to say. However, I do have a say about my life and my future. The problem I have is what happens after he is done getting the shots??? I know I am future tripping but sometimes I feel tired of what seems like I am putting off the inevitable.

P.S. He was doing great on suboxone yet didn't believe he was really clean so he went off. How is this any different?? Deep down, I really wish he would just "get it" with the promises of NA so I do feel conflicted about it. That said, I do see the benefits of maintenance programs and are all for them - especially for someone to reclaim their life back. I just am conflicted about the long run. Band aid or tool?

P.S.S. I will not separate as a waiting period. If I leave, I am done so that is not an option for me.

tjp613

I would support Vivitrol therapy because I view addiction as a disease, not a weakness of character. I see Vivitrol the same way I'd view insulin for a diabetic. But that's me.

EnglishGarden

I see addiction as a spiritual disease with physical outcomes (the changes in the brain's structure and chemistry).

And I believe addiction recovery has to happen in the non-cognitive, emotional part of the brain and that takes a long time.

For myself, if an addict says he wants recovery but is working long hours to keep business booming and in doing that sacrificing time he could be spending in meetings, doing service work, and working with a sponsor and with other struggling addicts, then he is not doing what it takes to recover. He might address the physical dependence via medication, but in my opinion, addiction is a spiritual disease requiring spiritual recovery. Merely going to meetings is not equivalent to that. There are many addicts who sit in the chairs and then go out and continue either to use or if abstinent still continue to be self-centered and manipulative and dishonest. They are still operating like lizards. They are not working the 12 Steps.

LMN, have you ever separated from him? I can't remember your story in details.

Because I think "repairing relationships" and "business booming" seems very much in the wrong sequence for someone newly in recovery (his relapse has re-set the clock and I would consider him newly recovering and therefore in extreme need of tremendous help, and that means DAILY recovery work and medication and possibly rehab, even if it means more debt. Because he is in SERIOUS danger of DEATH).

I think separation might be something which would set you both on the track you each need individually to be on. So I encourage you to be more open to that. If you have separated before, and said "No way, not again".... well then, LMN, maybe you should just go for the divorce, because your husband is an addict for life, and he may relapse from time to time and separation may likely be the needed adjustment to that relapse for a time, and if you think you can't incorporate that as a potential in your long marriage, then maybe it is time to leave.

He is an addict for life. You need to examine yourself deeply and decide what you truly want.

Ann

Making the decision to do nothing is an action. You don't have to make a decision to stay or go, just keep working on you and see if you can heal from the damage through your own recovery.

I think when the time comes to make a more permanent decision, to stay or to go...you will KNOW.

I agree with English Garden, staying with an addict can mean a roller coaster ride for life. Others, like our double winners here, "get it" and keep it and live very happy productive lives. The thing is, we never know how it will be for our addicted loved ones.

Don't do anything that makes you uncomfortable. Enjoy your upcoming vacation away, find your own peace and happiness in your life...and let tomorrow unfold as it may. Worrying and wondering will not change the outcome. Embrace the day today and leave the future for when you get there. *gives light "shinning" with bunny slippers*.

Hugs

LoveMeNow

Thank you so much Ann. As always, your wise words help me get back my balance and inner peace.

English Garden, he does claim that his recovery is his priority, although he admits to struggling with it since his broken arm in December. The beast came alive. However, he still has responsibilities that can not be "put aside" right now. If this doesn't work, he will look into a rehabs over the summer. He feels like he is in a catch 22 situation right now. Without recovery, he knows he will have nothing. However, without his business and financial means, he will have nothing too. He is hoping this makes things a little easier to work his recovery while staying afloat. He says the compulsions are exhausting and it effecting him in all areas. But I certainly understand and agree with what you are saying too.

bluebelle

I don't know much about it. My abf was given that option, but chose subs.

It seems like these meds can be used as tools, but the addict still needs to be willing to do all of the work of recovery to get clean.

incitingsilence

He probably should have stayed on sub, but that is done and over now.
And if he wants to pick up vivitrol as another tool in his took box, he should go for it. There is nothing wrong with taking advantage of and utilizing every option available. And you know what it doesn’t matter what anyone thinks, including you or his sponsor. And his sponsor shouldn’t have an opinion either way and support him with any choices he makes to help him with his recovery process.

This band aid thing, this mentality of a sign of weakness…. a man thing, a pride thing maybe … this can be a huge stumbling block. My husband had that mentality for a long time, his road was much easier when he let that go and realized it was ok to ask for help, it was ok to say no, to take care of himself, to have a bad day to have good days, to just be …. ( You do know that addicts are codie too, right?)

One can get clean and not miss a day of work, and not go to rehab, and one can get clean with replacement therapy, with blocking therapy … you get through it, because you have no choice but to and you know that inside. Hell you can do this and you don’t even have to go to meetings…people find recovery each day, it is an inside thing, not an omg am I doing it right thing. If anyone is asking that question, then they just don’t quite get it, yet anyway.

You done …. All that him, him, him, he is interjected into everything. I read the not cooking thread, hmm sick much? Didn’t really see recovery shining. I wonder don’t you and he both have enough pain going on, really. Do you each need more? I found that thread really sad for both of you … is this what needed to happen, pillows between you, giving him hints to what? It did seem spiteful more than anything.

You need to be done, but not in the way you think and it has nothing at all to do with him, or staying or leaving. It never will it never did! Just be done with the ride, GET OFF and the game and the sick feeding off of him.

Have you thought to ask what you’re getting out of all the insanity? Worst part is so much of it you perpetuate on your own, he doesn’t do it, it is how you react to him, and his journey. Forgetting your journey is different …. Different and yet just as life saving.

lightseeker

LMN - just wanted to check in and let you know that I am thinking about you on your trip to see your dad. I hope that this trip will be healing for you and the time ago from all the issues will be a respite for you. Hang in there girl!

LoveMeNow

Thank you Lightseeker for your thoughts. I had a 5 hour delay but finally got here!! We are going to see my father on Wednesday so I pray it doesn't snow.

IncitingSilence, thank you for your reply. As always, you give me a lot to think about with your different perspective on things.