redflags

I'm really having a difficult time processing the past year of my life. I went from a social drinker, to a bottle of wine a night, and often more. I honestly assumed everything was under control. I woke up, went to work, worked out and drank wine. My friends tell me, "Nah, you're just a social drinker!" If that's the case, how'd I end up in a hospital last weekend with alcohol poisoning? Funny enough, even with that, they've said, "It's just because you had your gallbladder out & lost your tolerance." Seems legit? Only, looking back, I can't tell you the last time I went a full week without a drink in the past 10+ years.

Since my visit to the hospital last week, I haven't had a drink. It's been 5 days & I'm finally starting to shake the headache and body aches, but I still want a drink. A dear friend of mine is an alcoholic in recovery. When I compare my drinking to his former habits, I seem like a saint. His drinking was much heavier & his moods more erratic than mine, so I question myself. I can't be an alcoholic? Or am I & I just stopped before my life spun totally out of control?

I'm struggling to accept that I have a problem with alcohol, but as the days pass & the cravings don't, I'm struggling.

Dee74

Hi redflags - welcome

with all due respect to your friends, normal social drinkers don't end up in hospital, or start jonesing for another drink after 5 days.

If you're having trouble with the label, ok - but don't deny a problem, cos thats the first step to doing something about it

D

quitforme79

Right on with what Dee said. I knew I had a problem when I would think about it all the time and just couldn't stop going to the liquor store on the way home from work even when I said that morning "I won't drink tonight". I also started having health issues...stomach pain, dizziness, insomnia. That didn't stop me either.

"Or am I & I just stopped before my life spun totally out of control"?
When I first went into the rooms of AA I compared myself with others in there thinking "I'm not that bad, I never have been to jail, gotten a DUI etc etc. I relapsed after a couple months in and ended up with a DUI and in the hospital. They call those kinds of things the "yets". Only you can decide if you want to call yourself an alcoholic. However you can try the sober life & see how it is...what a gift to be able to have that choice.

Tamerua

N doesn't matter how much you drink. If you have one and have problems stopping or crave them you could have a problem. Don't worry about what to call it. What is your next step?

ReadyAndAble

Redflags, welcome.

Good avatar. Yep, those are red flags alright. We can all find someone who would seem, in one way or another, to make us seem moderate by comparison. Honestly, I could look at you and say, "Wow, I never went to the hospital. I'm not that bad..." Guess what? I'm still an alcoholic, no doubt about it. To me the test isn't how much you drink, or even necessarily how often. It's about your mental relationship with it. It's a question of obsession. You almost drank yourself to death, you're less than a week out of the hospital, and you're already trying to rationalize a return to drinking. It's worth asking yourself, how much worse do you need it to get?

I'm really glad you're here, asking these questions. My addiction fought very hard to convince me everything was fine, I could keep on drinking. The information I found here really helped to open my eyes. Hope you stick around and read some more. And I'm glad you're safe now.

kizzie

You don't have to be the stereotypical fall down homeless dirty drunk to have a problem with alcohol. I went from having a glass of wine a night, to two or three, and so on. I finally admitted I had a problem when I was going through a bottle of wine a night, often more. Before that I assumed that because I wasn't hiding vodka in my water bottle I was okay. The many, many times I tried to cut down or quit never stuck.

If you have trouble stopping after the first one, you have a problem. If you're preoccupied with when you will have your next drink, you have a problem.

I notice you joined SR last November but this is your first post. You've obviously been thinking about this for a while.

Sazzle

You are me!

I could have written that post back in October when I quit after a series of very heavy nights out and blacking out.

I joined here last July and dabbled with a few days, read around and took some time to reflect if I was really that bad.

Quitting in October was the best thing I have ever done for myself. I was drinking 1 bottle of wine a night mid week and much more at weekends (although towards the end I was using weekends to recover so I didn't miss any more work)

I had body cramps/aches and cravings but very quickly the bloating went and I started to emerge into my true looks.

I was a massive social drinker and none of my friends still, to this day, think I was as bad as I believed I was. When I go out for meals some friends start explaining their reason drinking for drinking, which is a red flag to me. I don't judge, but to them the simple act of me asking for water is judgement and they start justifying away!

I'm 114 days without alcohol today and I just love the mornings and waking up like I can have plans. I won't let people down due to being hungover. It took right up until 3 months before I was happy in my own skin and confident in my decision to quit. My life is full, work is much, much easier and I look so well.

I used to be a bloated red wine wreck with anxiety and depression.

It sounds like you are at the same crossroads I was 114 days ago. My advice? Just do it for 3 months and see and feel the difference. Don't cave on a Thursday like I used to do after a few sober days of feeling better.

S x

k1rk

If you are questioning it, then you may well be! I am only 2 months sober and I feel physically and mentally more active. I hated the I would feel the next day after binge drinking!! My life was a wreck and I drank twice a week! Took me a long time to realize how much I was losing. Take the time and look honestly at yourself and you will know if you are truely honest to yourself!! One Day at a time!

Pamel

A great post reflags, to the point and an honest recognition of a problem; don't let your friends tell you otherwise-that path will lead you to a much worse problem.

As for the cravings, in my experience anything I am used to having every day, if I quit, it takes about two weeks for the cravings to (mostly) go away. Heck, for years I had a chocolate donut every morning because my assistant brought me one. I had to forbid her from doing it, even if I begged.

Alcohol for me has been the same-after about two weeks I stop obsessing. Unlike the chocolate donut though, if I have one drink the whole thing starts over again.

Good for you in following your own feelings.

Spinach

Reflag try google CAGE alcohol . It's frightening in its predictive accuracy.
It doesn't mention alcoholism but does mention problems.
If I could have delt with my problem when I first noticed and knew in my moments of sincerity my future would have been much changed. Not all for the better but so much easier and more fun . Looking back I see how much I limited my life due to drink.
Stay here and try sobriety until its easy then see how much more life has to offer.
Regards John.

Sasha4

I wonder if the confusion you are feeling about what you are (alcoholic or not) is making you feel this way? I could have searched for years and years, all the while drinking more and more, for a name or definition for what I was. I did not want to be an alcoholic, who does?

So I just decided that drinking makes me unhappy and others round me unhappy, so I would rather not drink anymore.

I also do not see alcohol as fun, as a way to relax, a way to celebrate, a way to unwind anymore. I see that for some people, me included, it is a nasty drug that I no longer wish to be involved with.

I feel happier in my own skin now I have sorted my feelings out.

I do not feel like I am missing out either, and I feel this contributes to my lack of cravings or any resentments I don't have about not drinking.

I still socialise with friends and they drink. I don't like being around heavy drinking but I am happy with a diet coke or a virgin cocktail. I enjoy meals out much more now...before I was not bothered about the food as it killed the alcohol buzz and I just wanted to drink and drink.

Its early days yet.
You are not going to feel great straight away. It takes time.
Come here and read and post and learn and I am sure you will find your way xxxx

Booniecat

Red flags (Great name)

I would consider myself a very high functioning alcoholic. I have a good job, am well respected by others, great family, etc... Over the past few years, as my drinking became an everyday thing, I convinced myself it was not a problem. I had lots of reasons for drinking more such as stress, for fun, special occasions, etc... I finally had to admit there was only one reason I drank - I liked the feeling alcohol brought.

I am spending this weekend detoxing and have a solid plan for recovery. Be honest with yourself and do some reading on the subject. There is a great thread on this site for recommended books.

redflags

Thank you all for your replies! What an amazing network of people! I understand what several of you are saying about my friends and the "yet's" and it doesn't matter what or how much you drink - it's the relationship with it.

I joined this back in November to get a better idea of what my friend in rehab was going through. I've been attending Al Anon meetings foolishly thinking I didn't have a problem with alcohol. I love the my program and it's helped me understand so much about myself - perhaps more than I even bargained for.

I'm going to meet with my sponsor tomorrow and let her know that while Al Anon has helped me for past six months, if I'm going to be honest with myself, I need to start attending AA meetings and get an AA sponsor. I'm already reading The Big Book. I have a tough week ahead of me with work. My company is hosting a social educational function which involves a lot of wine! Bad timing and no getting out of it. I had my gallbladder out a couple of months ago and plan to use that as my "excuse" for not drinking.

So, 5 days into this, I'm in such a funk and all I want to do is sleep, I'm still getting night sweats and I want to eat everything in sight. Someone please tell me this is somewhat normal?

Dee74

sounds perfectly normal to me redflags

D

Received

sounds fairly normal to me too, redflags.

kizzie

Very normal. I never had a sweet tooth until I quit drinking, then I developed a fondness for (dependence on?) chocolate chip cookies and ice cream. Now at 5 days sober again, I want to sleep and for life to leave me the He11 alone. Not fun, but it does pass.

bemyself

Hah, kizzie, nice one! Yes, I was like you - no great need for sweet stuff: until I spent a month in rehab Jan. 2012. It was in a hospital environment - soooo, you'd think, oh you know, dietitians planning our menus and such. Whilst there were some lovely main meals, quite healthy, by gee, I've never eaten so much desserts / morning and afternoon tea goodies in my whole life!

We all used to joke about it. Some (of the fat-conscious) women would worry and fret about their guilt over the pavlovas / scones / etc. Some of us ('too old to care about body image') women - meaning me, just thought: 'oh, I get it; must be something to do with our bodies wanting sugar again in place of alcohol'. I fret less about wanting to eat icecream etc than I do about drinking again. Bottom line. Now I"m drinking again, I barely want to eat ANYTHING, HEALTHY OR NOT.

And sleeping a lot, OP? No drama. I take the view, hey, sleep is nature's best way to heal. Enjoy your sleep!

Coldfusion

Sunflower seeds or mixed nuts helped me with the munchies, but I also had a run with chocolate chip cookies and ice cream. I'm now over three months, feeling great, sleeping well, and losing some of those chocolate chips I stashed on my waistline.

Sazzle

That's completely normal Radflags. I was lethargic and slept a lot at the beginning. I had cramps between the waist & knees too.

It sounds like you are in the right place both here and AA for all round support.

Several of my friends have joined me now and the others are used to me not drinking when we go out.

S x

redflags

I met with my Al Anon sponsor and explained the struggles of my last week. She was amazingly supportive and it goes to show that God does for us what we cannot do for ourselves. Her husband happened to be the AA Speaker tonight, so she asked if I wanted to attend the AA meeting instead of the Al Anon meeting. It was great to have someone to walk into that room with me the first time. I know not everyone is as fortunate.

It was a great meeting and things I needed to hear were said. Following the meeting, I had an amazing drive home talking to a cousin who just posted on FB last night that she'd been sober for one year. (I had no idea until last night!) It was great to have someone else to talk to and encourage me. Our stories were very similar - just one year apart.

I am so thankful and grateful for this fellowship! I'm going to another meeting tomorrow and will hopefully find at the very least, a temporary sponsor. This next week is going to be difficult, but with what I've learned just tonight - it's already going to seem easier.

My fogginess is lifting and reality is setting in. I am powerless over alcohol.