When your AH/AW is active duty military...
When your AH/AW is active duty military...
Hi there,
A friend is considering leaving her AH who is active duty Army. She has no family in the state she is in, so she is looking to move ASAP. Her first goal is to get out of the house, then out of the state (this is not as much because she wants to be away from him as it is because she needs the support, childcare, etc. that her family can provide). Has anyone else done this with a spouse who was serving? Did you come across any valuable resources or tips?
Thank you in advance!
A friend is considering leaving her AH who is active duty Army. She has no family in the state she is in, so she is looking to move ASAP. Her first goal is to get out of the house, then out of the state (this is not as much because she wants to be away from him as it is because she needs the support, childcare, etc. that her family can provide). Has anyone else done this with a spouse who was serving? Did you come across any valuable resources or tips?
Thank you in advance!
I don't see that it would be any different from any other separation/divorce. There might be issues with respect to his benefits. She would probably be wise to consult a lawyer who is familiar with what rights to those benefits she and the children would have under a legal separation or divorce.
The other issue is always the question of relocating the children away from the other parent. The law on that varies from one jurisdiction to the next, but it isn't governed by military law. I believe that in most states the parent who wants to relocate with the children must show that the move is being made in good faith for good reasons (and to be near the family for support and childcare would usually be considered a good reason), and also that the children won't suffer from being far away from the noncustodial parent.
Basically, she needs to talk to a lawyer.
The other issue is always the question of relocating the children away from the other parent. The law on that varies from one jurisdiction to the next, but it isn't governed by military law. I believe that in most states the parent who wants to relocate with the children must show that the move is being made in good faith for good reasons (and to be near the family for support and childcare would usually be considered a good reason), and also that the children won't suffer from being far away from the noncustodial parent.
Basically, she needs to talk to a lawyer.
As ex-military I would strongly recommend talking to the Chaplin. He can direct her to all the services provided by the military for these types of things and help her navigate the whole process including legal support. In addition the military takes things like alcoholism and drug issues very seriously and may be able to provide recovery support for her husband as well.
Your friend,
Your friend,
Very seriously. I concur with the previous poster on the chaplain first but it will and needs to end up with his command. The family service center, ombudsman and command can ensure she and the children are safe, obtain funds to move her etc. They will simply take it out of his check. If he is really bad off they will remove him from the home and insist on treatment. He belongs to the government and they don't play.
I know he has done outpatient treatment briefly a couple of times, and they told him he needs inpatient and he wouldn't do it. The Army has looked the other way multiple times in this situation, so I don't think she wants to rely on his command.
She has to push the issue. Again I concur on the chaplain as well as the ombudsman. There are people in place to help her she just has to reach out to them. Also if her family is ready to help her could they not come get her fly her home etc.? I know there are legal ramifications but she needs to look into any resource available. Social services, womens advocacy programs are a good place to start too.
Yes, she went to a shelter yesterday and is on a waiting list to move there. Her family is ready to do whatever they can, but they were not even aware of the situation until very recently. Others who live near her know about it, but she kept it from her family. They are very much on board, just trying to have a plan in place first.
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Hi DesertArizona:
I see you're new to SR (Sober Recovery). AH is just shorthand for Alcoholic Husband, and AW is Alcoholic Wife. Check out the stickies at the top of the forum for a list of all the acronyms commonly used on this forum.
And welcome!
I see you're new to SR (Sober Recovery). AH is just shorthand for Alcoholic Husband, and AW is Alcoholic Wife. Check out the stickies at the top of the forum for a list of all the acronyms commonly used on this forum.
And welcome!
There is the Boys Club culture in the military, so you do sometimes have to really push the issue and go around or above if necessary. They take alcohol, drugs, and firearms issues very seriously. Trust me on that one. I'm in the middle of moving because Mr. Grits didn't register his firearms with the base when we moved into housing. But that's another thread for another forum. Anyway, she should have access through whatever the Army's equivalent of Fleet & Family Services is. The children will receive benefits until they are 26 (if they are in college), but she won't be eligible for anything. She could still apply for child and spousal support, though.
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