why i keep going back to drink! some advice please!
Been there, done that!
Thread Starter
Join Date: Sep 2012
Location: London
Posts: 539
why i keep going back to drink! some advice please!
So iam 2 weeks sober again and have no problem maintaing my sobriety in my routine of work, child care & homelife but as soon as something outside of that pops up iam immediately filled with fear & negative thoughts. even doing things that never use to bother me drinking are now causing me stress.
Tonight iam ment to be taking my partner out for dinner and its causing me all sorts of negative thoughts i think i will feel anxious with out drinking not enjoy myself etc and its starting to get me down. i wish i could just feel normal ie go out not drink and enjoy myself with out thinking about it all day.
Is this alcohol withdrawels as i have never had a sustained period of sobriety over 3 months in 10 years or am i just a anxious mess.
iam stuck between a rock and a hard place i dont want to drink but i dont seem to be able to do normal things without drinking!
i really feel i need to man up and do these things sober in order to build my confiedence other wise everytime some social come up that makes me feel uncomfetable i will drink! thanks
Tonight iam ment to be taking my partner out for dinner and its causing me all sorts of negative thoughts i think i will feel anxious with out drinking not enjoy myself etc and its starting to get me down. i wish i could just feel normal ie go out not drink and enjoy myself with out thinking about it all day.
Is this alcohol withdrawels as i have never had a sustained period of sobriety over 3 months in 10 years or am i just a anxious mess.
iam stuck between a rock and a hard place i dont want to drink but i dont seem to be able to do normal things without drinking!
i really feel i need to man up and do these things sober in order to build my confiedence other wise everytime some social come up that makes me feel uncomfetable i will drink! thanks
instant
Join Date: May 2011
Location: Australia
Posts: 5,711
Understanding my emotions and learning new coping strategies seems to be pert of the deal for me. Alcohol was my "go to" coping mechanism for so long. My whole emotional life was hitched to the alcoholism. getting sober has led to new learning. I am learning that I have been driven by fear all my adult life. Coming on 22 months sober things don't happen quick, but they do happen.
Hears The Voice
Join Date: Jan 2013
Location: Unshackled
Posts: 7,901
There's a beast in your head that craves alcohol, and he wants you to get some for him. He'll tell you whatever is necessary to convince you to drink. He'll tell you that you can't have a good time tonight unless you drink. He's a liar. You know he's a liar. You know you can have a good time without drinking. You know that drinking might actually wreck your evening. Don't listen to that beast's lies any more. He'll keep jabbering, but you don't have to pay attention.
Member
Join Date: Dec 2011
Location: Canada. About as far south as you can get
Posts: 4,768
In our AA groups around here we have a saying "The first year is a gift.... then the work starts".
You are talking in days/weeks, what do you expect to have achieved in such short a time? (the operative word there is "expect").
You don't "make up your mind" to sober up on Monday and it's a done deal by Friday... you are an alcoholic and will be until you die.
The choice I have today is "how I will die".... will I die with the disease or of the disease.
I wish you the best.
Bob R
You are talking in days/weeks, what do you expect to have achieved in such short a time? (the operative word there is "expect").
You don't "make up your mind" to sober up on Monday and it's a done deal by Friday... you are an alcoholic and will be until you die.
The choice I have today is "how I will die".... will I die with the disease or of the disease.
I wish you the best.
Bob R
Canine Welfare Advocate
Join Date: Sep 2010
Location: Norfolk, VA
Posts: 10,962
Why do you keep relapsing? Simple answer, you are an alcoholic.
The more difficult answer is for you to supply. What recovery program have you settled on and why is it not helping you deal with these social situations that are causing you to think about drinking?
There are ways to deal with negative thinking. Part of your recovery should be finding ways to deal with them, finding ways to deal with the situations that trigger the obsession to drink.
I don't want to accuse you of not working a solid recovery program, because I don't know. But in any other aspect of our life, if we were failing at what we were trying to achieve, we figure out how to make it right.
But with drinking we seem to keep on the same path that inevitably leads us to back to failure. It doesn't help that your addiction wants you to fail. But, if you are continually relapsing, something is wrong with the way you are tackling sobriety. Figure out where you are going wrong and fix it.
The more difficult answer is for you to supply. What recovery program have you settled on and why is it not helping you deal with these social situations that are causing you to think about drinking?
There are ways to deal with negative thinking. Part of your recovery should be finding ways to deal with them, finding ways to deal with the situations that trigger the obsession to drink.
I don't want to accuse you of not working a solid recovery program, because I don't know. But in any other aspect of our life, if we were failing at what we were trying to achieve, we figure out how to make it right.
But with drinking we seem to keep on the same path that inevitably leads us to back to failure. It doesn't help that your addiction wants you to fail. But, if you are continually relapsing, something is wrong with the way you are tackling sobriety. Figure out where you are going wrong and fix it.
Self recovered Self discovered
Join Date: Aug 2011
Location: Toronto Canada
Posts: 5,148
We have ability in this regard that is difficult to convey to someone who has not yet experienced it. We each have the ability to identify, challenge and replace negative self-talk and beliefs with thoughts that actually promote goal achievement and emotional well-being. Plato said, 'A grateful mind is a great mind which eventually attracts to itself great things'.
In a given situation, we have expectations and demands we perceive, such as 'I must do this' or 'If I fail at this it will be A CATASTROPHE' that lead to bad evaluations like 'I can never do this' or 'What's the point in even trying'. These thoughts can become self-fulfilling, and you have realized that can be a BIG problem.
We can learn to take this thought sequence apart by understanding that we process events through a belief or expectation before we form our reaction or emotion. We can't change the event because it has already happened, but we can change our belief or expectation, and thereby change how we feel about it.
This is a skill, and like many skills, improves with repetition and practice. Finding the place from which we can start is a stumbling block, and it takes some work. A good starting point is the belief that we can achieve our goals and that we are far from helpless. We are not helpless and we can change our future.
This is a good introduction to understanding how this stuff works. It is not some ****** mantra claptrap, but a technique that is based on evidence collected from decades of scientific research.
You are not helpless or powerless, and you deserve your own measure of happiness, joy and beauty in your life. Demand it and accept no less.
Best to you.
__________________
In a given situation, we have expectations and demands we perceive, such as 'I must do this' or 'If I fail at this it will be A CATASTROPHE' that lead to bad evaluations like 'I can never do this' or 'What's the point in even trying'. These thoughts can become self-fulfilling, and you have realized that can be a BIG problem.
We can learn to take this thought sequence apart by understanding that we process events through a belief or expectation before we form our reaction or emotion. We can't change the event because it has already happened, but we can change our belief or expectation, and thereby change how we feel about it.
This is a skill, and like many skills, improves with repetition and practice. Finding the place from which we can start is a stumbling block, and it takes some work. A good starting point is the belief that we can achieve our goals and that we are far from helpless. We are not helpless and we can change our future.
This is a good introduction to understanding how this stuff works. It is not some ****** mantra claptrap, but a technique that is based on evidence collected from decades of scientific research.
You are not helpless or powerless, and you deserve your own measure of happiness, joy and beauty in your life. Demand it and accept no less.
Best to you.
__________________
Member
Join Date: Jun 2011
Location: Portland, OR
Posts: 1,635
I just started taking a drug called Naltrexone that helps with alcohol cravings and I can tell a difference. I had been having thoughts and urges of going to the liquor store "just for a few mini bottles of vodka" (yeah, right) and I told on myself, went to a meeting, got busy, etc. and it has gone away.
I know exactly what you are talking about and I think we just have to grit our teeth and get through it.
I also just started seeing an addiction therapist and he has me starting this workbook called Relapse Prevention. He is even going to teach me ways to meditate and relax when the urge comes.
I think we just need to try to find ways to do something else. Try doing something for your recovery instead.
Hope that helps!
I know exactly what you are talking about and I think we just have to grit our teeth and get through it.
I also just started seeing an addiction therapist and he has me starting this workbook called Relapse Prevention. He is even going to teach me ways to meditate and relax when the urge comes.
I think we just need to try to find ways to do something else. Try doing something for your recovery instead.
Hope that helps!
Member
Join Date: Jul 2012
Location: Midwest
Posts: 8,334
lionhearted, I agree with instant and am experiencing the same. I'm learning new ways to cope, relax and pass time, other than drinking. I have times when I feel negative and uncomfortable and am learning to ride through them and that they'll pass.
I find the SR daily gratitude thread helpful...it resets my attitude
I find the SR daily gratitude thread helpful...it resets my attitude
Administrator
Join Date: Aug 2003
Location: Dancing in the Light
Posts: 61,476
You don't need to feel stuck because you have the power to step out of the situation. The early days are not easy. It feels uncomfortable to be doing things without the benefit of an alcohol buzz. Try to go out with your partner and focus on talking and relaxing, and try to keep the thoughts of alcohol out of your mind. The only way to get more comfortable in social situations without alcohol is to do it. If you're not ready yet, then make different plans, but you can definitely do it when the time is right.
Member
Join Date: Nov 2012
Location: highland beach, florida
Posts: 649
Hi Lionhearted,
Maybe it is just to early in your sobriety to go out socially to dinner . It is a trigger, as you will find some things and people to be. I am sure your partner would understand if you tell them you are just not comfortable yet.
Give yourself some solid time under your belt before you start taking on "outside comfort zone" activities. We have all had to rearrange our lives in the beginning days of recovery. Sobriety is hard enough, don't put obstacles on your way.
Stay Strong
TrixMixer
Maybe it is just to early in your sobriety to go out socially to dinner . It is a trigger, as you will find some things and people to be. I am sure your partner would understand if you tell them you are just not comfortable yet.
Give yourself some solid time under your belt before you start taking on "outside comfort zone" activities. We have all had to rearrange our lives in the beginning days of recovery. Sobriety is hard enough, don't put obstacles on your way.
Stay Strong
TrixMixer
Sobriety is Traditional
Join Date: Dec 2012
Location: Orcas Island, Washington
Posts: 9,064
Here is some advice I got from the rehab program at Lake Chelan Community Hospital, Washington:
Key Methods of Living Sober
Attend a meeting daily. If needed, attend more in a day.
Participate in the meetings. The more you give, the more you get!
Introduce yourself to another person before or after the meeting. Do this until you know three people to say "Hi" to when you come to a meeting again.
Call two people from the phone list you received. Explain you are new and just want to practice using the phone. Ask about good meetings to attend. Or just wish the person "Happy after Valentine's"--it might make their day!
Listen to the announcements. Some AA or NA events are just for fun.
Select a sponsor as soon as possible. The person should have at least one year consecutive sobriety and know and practice the program. He/she should be able to guide you through step work and be reasonably available.
Start you day by acknowledging your higher power and ask for guidance. Close your day with gratitude for your sobriety and any other gifts which came your way.
Set aside 5 to 10 minutes a day to read a portion of the big book or NA text. Increase the time as your brain waves begin to level.
Allow yourself time to rest each day. Eat nutritiously on a regular basis.
Take time out when your emotions are on a major high or low. Balance is the goal.
Prayer is the telephone to your higher power. How do you know he won't answer if you don't call?
Ask for serenity from your higher power. The "Serenity Prayer" has saved many.
Call your sponsor or a friend on the phone list when you are out of sync.
Write about your feelings in a journal.
Make a list of the options that help you when you get into the trapped feelings. Make the list when you are feeling free.
Make notes that inspire your recovery and place them in conspicuous places. It might help prevent you from a relapse.
Remember that a compulsion only lasts forever if you give in to it.
Key Methods of Living Sober
Attend a meeting daily. If needed, attend more in a day.
Participate in the meetings. The more you give, the more you get!
Introduce yourself to another person before or after the meeting. Do this until you know three people to say "Hi" to when you come to a meeting again.
Call two people from the phone list you received. Explain you are new and just want to practice using the phone. Ask about good meetings to attend. Or just wish the person "Happy after Valentine's"--it might make their day!
Listen to the announcements. Some AA or NA events are just for fun.
Select a sponsor as soon as possible. The person should have at least one year consecutive sobriety and know and practice the program. He/she should be able to guide you through step work and be reasonably available.
Start you day by acknowledging your higher power and ask for guidance. Close your day with gratitude for your sobriety and any other gifts which came your way.
Set aside 5 to 10 minutes a day to read a portion of the big book or NA text. Increase the time as your brain waves begin to level.
Allow yourself time to rest each day. Eat nutritiously on a regular basis.
Take time out when your emotions are on a major high or low. Balance is the goal.
Prayer is the telephone to your higher power. How do you know he won't answer if you don't call?
Ask for serenity from your higher power. The "Serenity Prayer" has saved many.
Call your sponsor or a friend on the phone list when you are out of sync.
Write about your feelings in a journal.
Make a list of the options that help you when you get into the trapped feelings. Make the list when you are feeling free.
Make notes that inspire your recovery and place them in conspicuous places. It might help prevent you from a relapse.
Remember that a compulsion only lasts forever if you give in to it.
That bell or bike person
Join Date: Jun 2012
Location: london
Posts: 4,978
Fear and negative thinking both come out of my own brain , i am in charge in my brain and can train it's thoughts and tend to it's focus , as a gardener can train and cultivate an espallier fruit tree . In the past my head has been a raggedy old weed patch but with time it can change .
It takes time and effort, many seasons maybe , but i'm in no rush to go anywhere , i may as well make my brain as nice and nurturing place as i can .
Bestwishes, M
It takes time and effort, many seasons maybe , but i'm in no rush to go anywhere , i may as well make my brain as nice and nurturing place as i can .
Bestwishes, M
Administrator
Join Date: Apr 2007
Location: Australia
Posts: 211,380
please remember the official language of the main forum is English, in the interest of reaching the widest audience
For the non French speakers among us
D
For the non French speakers among us
: we must cultivate our garden : we must tend to our own affairs
Better when never is never
Join Date: Sep 2011
Location: Wisconsin near Twin Cities
Posts: 1,745
Lionhearted, I had very similar issues and I still struggle with them. For me, it is all about the concept of emotional sobriety. I was so dependent on others and what I thought they might think of me. I would compromise my integrity (i.e. drink) at the drop of a dime if it meant a single fleeting moment of validation and acceptance. And it could be a general as drinking anonymously in bar during a sporting event...because that is what you're supposed to do. My fear wasn't even aimed at someone specific, only a general event.
In the confines of my normal routine I was fine, because I had carved out my boundaries. I am learning to do this in all situations now. I certainly know what made me miserable, destroyed what I had, and blocked opportunities and potential. I work hard on a daily basis to stay aware of the role drinking and sobriety play in my life, and how this relates to what I want and deserve out of life.
If I have completely missed the point, I apologize, although that is my talent.
In the confines of my normal routine I was fine, because I had carved out my boundaries. I am learning to do this in all situations now. I certainly know what made me miserable, destroyed what I had, and blocked opportunities and potential. I work hard on a daily basis to stay aware of the role drinking and sobriety play in my life, and how this relates to what I want and deserve out of life.
If I have completely missed the point, I apologize, although that is my talent.
Member
Join Date: Oct 2011
Location: east coast
Posts: 1,711
Hey lionhearted...I am sorry to hear you are feeling anxious. For me, the only way to get through those emotions was facing them head on and walking thru them. I love the quote "If you're going thru hell, keep going". And it won't always be hellish but out bodies and minds are going thru so much when adjusting to life without alcohol. What I can say is that I am over 3 months sober now and already feeling SO MUCH BETTER. Hang in there, you can do this!
Currently Active Users Viewing this Thread: 1 (0 members and 1 guests)
