GardenMama

Since about August 1, our family could make a promotional poster for the multiple 12-step recovery options. Mom at NarAnon, youngest teen D at Alateen, StepDad in AA, and 19 yo RAD in NA. Yes, it gets to be a bit much some days...

Lately I feel caught on a roller coaster with my RAH as he finally begins to feel feelings, and in a hidy-hole situation with my RAD (will she reply to a simple text, how is she, why doesn't she ever call? Then when she does, she says she misses me, go figure). My youngest was just diagnosed with depression yesterday and was offered anti-depressants and BC pills at the same appointment. I am two weeks from defending my dissertation and need time and no one else's issues, problems, or emotions anywhere near me!

I am thinking this is a sign of my recovery--that I want everyone to just leave me out of it, get a grip, grow up, cheer up, and just deal--as opposed to me feeling overwhelmed by all their needs...But if I am still annoyed and impatient, I don't know what to call it. Am I recovering? I feel horrible tonight.

But thanks to my two dear sisters, I am joining them for a sister trip starting tomorrow morning & I will be gone for 5 days. I am going to try to not worry about my defense or my family. We are going to cook, eat, talk, walk & laugh. This will be such a gift. I am filled with gratitude, even though right now I feel like crap.

Maybe I have compassion fatigue? Wouldn't that be a good diagnosis for a Codie? I would love to hear if any of you SR gurus have felt what I am feeling. Am I recovering, spinning my wheels, or just being impatient?

Ilovemysonjj

Dear GM, sounds like "Atlas syndrome" as I call it. You can only hold the weight of the world so long before you need a break! Also, keeping in mind you are the anchor of your family as all Moms are. I am sure everyone looks to you to solve all problems and take care of them. Sometimes, we need to do something for ourself and that is OKAY! I love your line "that I want everyone to just leave me out of it, get a grip, grow up, cheer up, and just deal". That's a great Mantra. Don't worry if you feel crappy about feeling this way, I truly believe that you are aware of these feelings and coming to terms that you are entirely entitled to feeling like this.
Take care, have fun and put the world down today okay?
TT

PresentTense

I just returned from spending a week in Disney with my grandchildren. I feel so rested and renewed. Take your trip and enjoy it....

Lily1918

glad to hear you are going on a trip for yourself and taking a break, I have often wondered why there isn't rehab for codies, but then again... maybe there is, its just called the spa or salon

LoveMeNow

Haha, today I went to a spa and had a body polish, massage and facial. It was awesome therapy too.

Have a wonderful, safe trip Garden Mama. I hope you give the rest to God and truly enjoy your time away.

lesliej

Garden Mama...

Don't be surprised if you collapse in fatigue on your trip!! I remember once when my ex went into treatment I fell on the couch and slept. It is emotionally draining and fatigue inducing...totally! I hope your sisters will bring you breakfast in bed!

And let you wear pink fluffy slippers.
XO

MiSoberbio

Many of your comments parallel what I'm experiencing right now. There's a whole lot of stuff going on in my life and I want (1) to not be asked another question and (2) someone to do it all for me.... I realize how ridiculous that sounds, but it's what I feel. I don't know if it's part of my recovery to feel this way, but at least I'm not feeling responsible for other people's problems (particularly those of my addict companion), so I can consider that progress. I think part of MY recovery must be to consider more carefully where I decide to invest my time and energy –– right now I'm overloaded and I have to deal with it, but I hope I can, bit by bit, begin to be more focused, more precise with my decisions.

And that leads me to the other thing I wanted to share: I'm finally feeling the "progress" part of my recovery. It's not like a light switch -- I can read all I want and listen to people in my groups for hours on end, but that won't make me "recovered." It's a process that works on many different levels: intellectual, emotional, spiritual, even physical (in terms of chemical changes in my brain, a "normalization" so that I don't have the constant adrenaline rush from the pervasive fear I felt for years while my companion was in active addiction). Anyway, I can see now how this is a long road, and that it requires WALKING. There are chemical/alchemical changes that need to take place - they build upon themselves....

So, to me, what you wrote seems familiar and natural. Don't worry and be happy... it's a pithy thing to say, but it's really the best advice. You may have craziness in your life, but don't let it define you -- there's an unbelievably powerful love-force that we all move within. Reach out and touch it.

Lily1918

I did this as well. I slept the whole day and night. I didn't do any housework, which was strange because I enjoy my housework. I was exhausted. "focusing on me" began with some long overdue sleep. Then I remember waking up 12 hours later thinking "now what!?"