scarystuff

Holy crap I am in pain. Scared, depressed, damn near suicidal. And its unfortunately a feeling I am way too familiar with. I really need to find a way to stop this sick cycle. Gotta stop the drinking. Here I go again. Day 1. God help me.

Gilmer

I will pray for you, Scarystuff. This is a good group. Don't think about suicide--you are here on earth for a good reason. You will bless others.

Pamel

I finally made it to day2, but there were countless almost day1s in there. Stay close to this site, and to any support groups??

1stepup

Hi scary stuff, know the feeling well, im suffering today, know that i need to stop but still afraid of life without that crutch. I wish so much to change but finding it hard to deal with regrets and mistakes ive incurred when drunk or blacked out. We're all in the same boat, i wish you all the best.

Dee74

Hi scary stuff

try and not think too far ahead - all you have to do today s stay sober - you'll find a lot of support and ideas here, and things will get better.

if you keep feeling low I recommend reading through this link and maybe calling some of the numbers:

http://www.soberrecovery.com/forums/...ease-read.html

todays a new day - you can do this

D

Weasel1966

Scary stuff.... I have been at that point you describe. It's not easy but it is tolerable.

It is a sick cycle. But make no decisions today other than one not to drink.

Reach out to someone local if you can. Friend... AA... Hospital.

Post here what's going on. A lot of very good ears that know what you are going through because we have also.

Ken

Gilmer

At the risk of being offensive, I will tell you what helped me. I got to the end of my rope with drinking and asked Jesus how to quit. He pointed me to a Bible verse that I'd never seen before (I'd seen all the anti-drunkenness ones--none of them had ever fazed me). The particular verse is not important--it will probably be different for you. But even though God had been dead to me for so long, he answered me. At the Setting Captives Free website, I saw the reason why he answered me this time instead of all of the other times I had asked him for help.

Hebrews 11:6--"...anyone who comes to him must believe that he exists and that he rewards those who earnestly seek him". Before this I was cynical--I "knew" he wouldn't bother to do anything about it. This time, though, I knew I was too out of it to make excuses for myself or be cynical. I just asked him to please show me how to quit, and he did.

I am sorry if I crossed a barrier in telling you that. I won't say any more about God unless you ask.

scarystuff

thank you Gilmer. I'm not at all offended by talk about God. I'm not particularly religious, but I'm not exactly an atheist either. thank you for your post. I honestly don't know what its going to take to beat this problem. For now I guess I just have to get through the day. I'll distract myself with work and try not to wind up in tears at my desk. The first few days are always the worst.

MattyB

Feelings like depression and anxiety are a result of our focus, our posture, and our breathing. Taking notice to these can improve your mood for now, feeling bad will do nothing for you. Take charge, get fed up and discusted, and put your focus on what you can be grateful for because sometimes thats all we have.

It really isnt until we are near death that we truely start to live.

scarystuff

My nerves are just off the charts right now. I'm a mess. I need to find a way to calm down and be positive. But I feel like I just want to crawl under a rock and hide from life. I absolutely HATE my life right now.

scarystuff

wish i could convince myself that everything will be ok

Received

The only way I was able to get out of all the fears, shame, guilt, self loathing, depression and obsessive thinking you seem to be going through, is to put down the alcohol, period.

Drinking alcohol to keep me from worrying about my drinking problem and what it was doing to my life and those in it was insanity for me. I wallowed in my own world of self-pity, why me, poor me, look what I've done all why knocking back another beer.

Anxiety, raw fear and depression was only briefly quieted by alcohol (maybe the first couple of drinks) and then the alcohol magnified it x's 1000. As it was, for me, things were pretty damn bad already.

Until I put down alcohol the only bet I was sure to win was things would get worse, much, much worse. It was only a matter of time and even time was not on my side.

2granddaughters

I remember feeling that way.. hopeless and helpless, like truly being in He!!

I began walking away from He!! when I committed to AA. I had nothing to lose.

That was in 1989. It's worked for me since then. God did help me when I showed up and surrendered.

All the best.

Bob R

scarystuff

I think I need to get my ass to an AA meeting. I just can't do this on my own.

soberclover

I still wake up in the morning grateful that I don't have to feel that way anymore. It WILL get better. Every day that you don't drink or use a drug you will get stronger emotionally as well as physically. The first few days/week sucks but it is possible to get through this. You can ask any of us! Don't hesitate to contact your doctor should you need to!

VJ99

You've just described my life. My Day 1 as well, after a trillion day 1's I'm sure. Not a single waking moment goes by that I'm not thinking about alcohol in way or another. It isn't healthy.

whiskeyman

thos are the exact words that got me sober thru AA.

whiskeyman

but i can tell you that yesterday was a very crappy day for me.
it was my birthday but life was out to get me yesterday.
but
knew how to deal with it all, using the tools AA gave me
and
I WAS SOBER

Connor11

Hi Scarystuff - I am feeling the same way. I am thinking of you today and wishing you healing thoughts and strength. Let's both try to hang in there!

wpainterw

Yes, go to a meeting. Maybe go to more than one meeting. It will help you get through the day. Just think that you get through each moment, each hour, each morning, each afternoon, one step at a time. Don't let up your guard. If you just hang in there and don't drink it will get better. The nights are rough. Watch TV to get your mind off it. Sleep will come, very sound sleep but you will have to let it take its time. Usually comes in two or three days. Again, the main thing is keep the alcohol out of your system. Let your body change over to normal mode. Will take a little time. Then start some kind of a program with group support, AA or something else. Maybe seek counseling. See a doctor. Be completely honest with that doc. They will help you. You're going to get through this if you do these things. And keep in touch on this SR website. Good luck.

W.