SoulGroove

Hi Everyone,

Where to start... been dipping in and out of your Forums for at least a year, but a lot more this past week.

Things got to 'Rock Bottom' on Saturday night, when we had a Party for my Husband, I wasn't looking forward to this as I suffer from lack of confidence/low self-esteem, but didn't realise how low I was. So the Wine came out at lunchtime to help me 'cope' with all the preperation. This flowed till 9pm when I could no longer walk or talk, so took myself off to the Bedroom and crashed. My Husband tried with disgust to get me up and back downstairs with Black Coffee, to no avail, then I vaguely remember my Daughter (27) coming into to room and exclaiming 'MUM' to which I slurred - I'm ok, just tired, need a rest... On Monday after trying to act 'normal' on Sunday my Husband said it was the last straw, I had been an embarassment to everyone. I was in a daze, and still am sort of, went to the Doctors on Tuesday as I was feeling scuicidal and have got Antidepressants - maybe not a good idea, I don't know.

This is a long pattern for me of drinking to oblivion, usually ending up dancing round the Bedroom, Hiding Bottles, falling on the Bathroom floor causing a black eye (said I'd banged my head on a post) and trips to Casulaty while out dancing - torn hip ligament but I thought I'd broken something I was so drunk
staggering around and unable to visit the 'ladies' on my own incase I couldn't find my way back the list goes on...

Trouble is, we do go out a lot due to our kids now grown-up, and a new 'happy' lease of life, lots of dancing holidays booked, which all 'go' along with a drink or ten... is it possible to ever become a 'normal' drinker and stop at one or two? or am I just lying to myself...??

I'm today day 5 Sober and feeling better, but can relate (worryingly) to everything on your excellent Forums, espacially the 'Things I Don't Miss' thread, and have started my own very painful list just to remind me.

Good Luck and love to all, we need it. xxx You_Rock_

coraltint

you can dance & have fun without booze.....really, you can!! I know it sounds crazy, but you can. In fact, it's gonna be WAY better than drunk dancing yourself into black eye & torn ligaments that you can't remember how you got.

It's not always easy, but it is totally worth the effort to stay sober....welcome, keep coming back!

Nonsensical

Welcome to SR! Loads of great information here, and lots of people who know EXACTLY what it's like to have a drinking problem. Good luck on your journey.

hypochondriac

Personally I tried every which way to become a 'normal' drinker (whatever that actually means) and it didn't work. I started having doubts after I quit, thinking that maybe I could learn to drink moderately, but I had a good think about my past drinking experience and I couldn't think of one time where I had just had one or two drinks by choice. If I could drink moderately then I would have done it by now... Being sober is actually really freeing and I second what coraltint says. It is definitely hard work (get support, here, AA counselling...) but it is worth it and life will be much more enjoyable without the fear that drinking can bring.

Welcome to SR Nice to have another northerner on board x

Dee74

It was not possible for me - and I tried for 20 years.
I doubt I was ever a 'normal' drinker - I always drank to get wasted.

There was actually no 'normal' for me return to.

D

Impurrfect

((SoulGroove)) - Welcome to SR! I lurked her for about 2 years. It wasn't until I had 6 months clean that I finally signed on, but I can tell you SR has been a HUGE part of my recovery and I hope you find the same.

Hugs and prayers,

Amy

escapist

Welcome. Your post reminds me of myself. I got sober here. I have 4 months. I remember feeling the way you feel. It can get better.
I have a scar above my eye from slamming into the floor while drinking. I was so drunk that night. I kept drinking for about 2 years after that. I didnt know SR existed then.

Hevyn

Hey SoulGroove. So happy you joined the family! You're not alone with this.

I tried to manage my drinking. I was determined to be able to control it and still have my 'fun'. I refused to admit it actually never was fun anymore, and hadn't been for a long time. Towards the end of my drinking career, every time I picked up it led to a scene similar to what you described. I never intended to overdo it or get wasted - but it was out of my control. I had no choice but to stop all together. Yes, it was an adjustment - and I felt very sorry for myself for a short time. Then I began to love the new me - the alive, alert me. No more guilt, remorse, or regret due to my drinking. It was such a relief!

Congratulations for wanting a better life. You can do this, SoulGroove.

LexieCat

I struggled to "moderate" my drinking for four and a half years, and finally gave up (should not have tried for so long). What got me was the fact that SOMETIMES I could control it--for discrete periods of time. It never worked in the long run. Eventually I'd get this "boomerang" effect from doing what amounted to "catch-up" drinking.

You might do well to avoid the "fun" that you associate with drinking for a little while--the first few months or so, but eventually you will be able to break those associations little by little. You can have fun, be silly, dance up a storm--all while drinking something other than booze.

Anna

Welcome,

I was determined to manage my drinking and it was hopeless. In the process, I got worse and worse and my family got more and more upset. When you cross the invisible line to alcoholism, there is no going back. But you can learn to live and enjoy life without alcohol. We are here to offer support.

kizzy40

Ey up chuck! good luck with your sobriety from yorkshire
You sound like you truly have had enough of the drink, it is not your friend and will not hold your hand and make you feel safe in social situations.
Drink is the one pushing you downstairs... embarrassing you... jeopardizing your relationships.
Can you have a normal relationship with it?...in short, no.

YouRmySunshine

Hello & welcome!
Thank you so much for sharing your story, one I can relate so much of my life too. Im so glad you are ready to admit the powerless that alcohol has over you.
5 days is great, every 24 hours is great!
Im pretty new to this as well, but I also find much support & wisdom here!
I hope you are able to get a plan, but also kuddos for you seeking out a Dr right away too. Many find that a hard step.
Blessings & keep posting.

Seiceps

It's just a bloody awful sinking horrid feeling to realise it can't be moderated. I'm going through it right now. I'm so p$$sed off !! It's not fair, why me ? No no no. Still havnt got there yet, but from what I've read here, sobriety will help me to see it clearly. I just feel ripped off and that everything is ruined ! Even though I know it is already ruined by years of being drunk and mad, bad and dangerous. How I'm not dead I don't know. The drunk driving, going home with weirdos I don't know. And that's just the stuff I remember ! Ok I'm going to write it all down , remind myself. Man this is hard but easier to know everyone else feels the same. Best x