TimeToGetALife

Please help! I would tell you all the reason why I messed up.. and to be honest you would understand.. but a normal person would have the drinks at the time of stress and then stop... I am finding I don't want to stop because for the first time ever I can hide what I am doing from everyone as they do not expect me to be drinking.. they trust me...... I am a failure.


BTW I was 165 days sober

MsJax

You can't hide from yourself though- honesty to self is most important.

vegibean

Hey Time, I don't know what's going on, but I know that hiding it can be disastrous. Are you hoping to quit? What's been going on? I hope that otherwise, you are okay.

MsJax

And you are not a failure. I'm so hard on myself with generalized statements like that, so harmful

165 is fabulous. Keep on!!!

Hollyanne

Nope, not a failure.
But, YOU KNOW, and that is going to make you miserable.
Stop drinking now, and start again with your sober journey.
You know you can do it.
You just did 6 months!

YouRmySunshine

1st you aren't a failure, and the further I learn in my recovery We (Alcoholics) do not think like "normal people". We were truly wired a little different. And the sooner we admit that part, and admit we are helpless over alcohol, and there is a higher power that will help us get through this. The less we find ourselves thinking we are failures, or not worthy.

You are worthy of a better life. Thank you for opening up!

~Peace

Dave42001

Don't beat yourself up! We're far from perfect.. Get a new plan together and execute it!! Thinking of you!!

Hopefull78

Don't beat yourself up...we are human and flawed. Just get back on track and look at it as a short period in your journey to sobriety. Hang in there I know it is so hard

TimeToGetALife

Thank you so much for your words.. but I am rubbish.. I never thought I would go back to drinking life has been so great without it... and then I idid, I had an illness that was so painful that the strongest pain killer didn't tough, I didnt know what to do.. so went back to form and blocked it out with drink... then I supported my close sister while she watched the man of her dreams, her husband and my best mate, fight cancer.. and in early jan.. that battle ended.. I have been sober at all times that mattered for family and friends... but at home, when alone and daughter is in bed.....

Hollyanne

You have to do this for you.

Coldfusion

I suspect you won't be finding that for very long.

Most of us here have found that, when we "relapse," the drinking and inappropriate public behavior are worse than ever. You may be "found out" sooner than before.

PreciousKitty

Thats about how much time i had then i slipped. My family knew though. But honestly the hardest was the lie i was living with. After that long it just seems so dumb huh? It so very common so we are not alone - an alcoholic just like everyone else here.

Would your family support you if you confessed? Are you willing to confess?

YOUR NOT RUBBISH and deep down you know that.

Dee74

I used to self medicate for pain - it doesn't stay effective for very long TTGAL....and, I hate to tell you, but Coldfusion is right...it won't stay secret for very long either.

Been there done that.

The best thing to do is dump the booze - you'll find you'll be less hard on yourself.

You had 165 days - you can have that again and so much more...but it all starts with a good decision today

D

kizzy40

You are not rubbish, you just feel rubbish because you are so disappointed.
When you get kicked off the best thing you can do is get right back on the horse... before anyone sees

PreciousKitty

And I have learned a lot through my darn relapses. Just quit sooner than later. Way soon!

Anna

You can't let the negative thoughts take you down. I let that happen to me so many times and ended up back drinking again. Learn and move on. You can do this.

MattyB

How can you be a failure when your so successful at drinking? You did what you had to do and to be honest, who the hell would want to stop? Ive never met an addict or drinker that wanted to stop. In 99% of the cases they had no choice and made recovery a must for them.

Also, it dont matter if they trust you. The question is whether you can trust yourself! With that said, the fact that you came back and posted says something, does it not? Perhaps your failure is just your feedback and by posting it seems like you have a desire to succeed. How is that failure?

renaldo

Ditto to that. In my case, it's got nothing to do with a bad childhood. Every opportunity was afforded me, and regardless, I had the gun squarely pointed at my foot.

You could call it youthful folly. Everyone else was doing it, but I continued when other people "grew up."

A sad admission, but I can't ever be normal again. That's just not in the cards. But I've got plenty of brothers and sisters who have walked in my steps and I never have to be alone.

wpainterw

Sounds like all that negativity is coming from that part of your brain, the primitive part, which wants to persuade the more rational part to continue drinking. Because your body's chemistry has changed and needs alcohol to "function". But since alcohol is a depressant, this only means more misery, more negativity and this puts you in a downward loop. You can escape from this. You're not a failure. You're not "trash". Believe in yourself. Get help from others. You can do it. Believe. Trust. Survive. Good luck.

W.