deeker

When I do a few simple things for my recovery I have really good days .

But when I am defiant I don't have nearly as much peace .

My sponsor has me do an excercise daily on surrender and defiance. I hate doing it. I am defiant lol. I am 2 days behind lol .

For example I write what I surrendered to today for myself and my recovery .

I usually surrender to a lot and I do a lot for my recovery .
Yesterday I reread the first 100 pages or so of the Big Book. I prayed,I read my bible for an hr, I meditated ,

I talked to a couple other alkies on the phone I went to an AA online meeting . I walked a mile . Did laundry . Not bad .

But because I didn't eat healthy and felt bloated and avoided my face to face because of it I am feeling kinda bad .

And got down on myself because of it .

I am still escaping through food and it sucks . I know what I need to do, I need to trust God and take steps to eat more healthy .

My illness manifests itself in so many different ways. It can be this AA chatrooms , SR, or eating or even service work .

What I need to do is keep the lines of communication open with my sponsor and tell her what is
going on in this messed up mind of mine .

Sometimes this disease is just lying to me cuz it wants me to feel like crap and drink or use .

I did ok yesterday, I really did and it wasn't a perfect day , but I didn't drink .


I reached out to many people online and on the phone and through emails with encouragement .

Sometimes I have to have that self love that I try so hard to make others see that they need .. It is so important .

This disease is like the devil and I feel there is always some spiritual war going on for my soul .

I can't believe the lies of this disease . And I won't today . Thanks

Elisabeth888

Great post, thanks!!

I am right there with you on the eating. I eat chocolate like crazy. I actually joined weightwatchers so I can lose these 20lbs, hopefully.

I have had a sponsor tell me I am defiant. That was a few years ago, and I have since been beaten into submission

Anna

Self-love is incredibly hard to accomplish for those of us who were raised to have no self-esteem. Self-love should be a given, but many of us have been robbed of it by abusive parents, family, boyfriends, etc. We do have to work to get it back, and yet it's natural that it should return. Self-love is ours to own.

mecanix

Sounds like you know what to do to sort the issue out deeker .

That's great

Bestwishes, M