junk33

I was happy , today is my birthday , ive been real tight on my budget and am pulling myself out of my financial hole ,tomorrow is my 30 days with no alcohol.
Yesterday im sitting on the couch ,on the laptop and out of nowhere my wife comes in and asks "do you think im effing stupid...? I was caught off guard ,she proceeded to blame me for everything under the sun ,all her problems her own bills ,everything was apparently my fault for purchasing the UFC pay per view a few ago .$50 purchase that i was going to pay when i get paid friday? ,she wouldnt stop ..she kept repeating this and every other problem all nite , i tried to just not say anything ,iam sober i can handle this better.
she kept going and I realized she is not a team player ,hasnt been for years , when the going gets tough she bails out and blames me, I really do not want this stress trying to become sober ..even though ive had 30 days sober and have been a very nice person she always reverts back to my previous drunken episodes,and uses this whenever she gets pissed at me ..so i know if im sober ayear or more she will always use the past whenever needed , she always has.
I want to move on ,i need a supportive spouse , i cannot change the past , I just feel like saying f-ck it ..i cant win at this thing ,when i finally feel happy for myself i get chopped down ..its my birthday and i just feel like i dont need this ,if i dont respond back here ive gone drinking and dont want the embarassment of posting on here a 3rd time..

Hevyn

What would getting drunk do for you, junk? The same problems will still be there when you sober up. Then you'd have to deal with the disappointment in yourself for picking up after 30 days. You've been doing great - why allow another person to ruin that?

You need to be clear headed to deal with your problems - drinking just postpones everything. I'm sorry you have an unsupportive wife, but don't let her attitude cause you to cave. I hope you won't sabotage yourself by drinking.

whiskeyman

keep going. it will take a long time for her to trust again.
Just shut up and listen. take it all in.
and move forward. VERY HARD to do. but better than drinking again.

30 days isnt long enough to prove that you are a new person.
but it will come soon enuf

hypochondriac

A massive part of my sobriety is trying to not let other people's actions and comments effect the way I feel on the inside and not to let myself use them as an excuse for drinking. It's bloody hard sometimes, but it's worth the effort when you start being able to not let your emotions rule how you react to situations. I know that's not very useful right now, but if you don't drink, just let the anger and the hurt pass without acting on it, you will feel better. You don't have to drink to fix this x

Siesta

Happy Birthday Junk33.

Sorry you are having a stressful time. Please try to remember that alcohol only makes things worse. I can't imagine if my spouse wasn't supportive. We have some major issues, but he is trying hard to support my sobriety. He attends Al Anon meetings weekly... Maybe that might help your situation? Or counseling? I know that after he started Al Anon he was able to communicate with me better and I was able to listen to what he needed to say. Hope you find the support you need.

Rachelmichelle

On 1/08/13 I turned over a new leaf (that's what I call it), but I still have people that remind me everyday of the things I've done and how terrible I've been towards them. That was me drunk and while we'd like to forget our past and move forward, we need to accept that we've damaged people and relationships with the terribleness that was once us. Just because we're becoming something new, doesn't relieve us of the fact that others may take a while to actually believe it, they need to see it. I'm not so sure being around people that make you want to drink is the best thing until you're strong enough to handle it, but drinking isn't the answer. Isn't that the reason she began yelling in the first place?

junk33

No , i havent drank for a month , she yelled because as much as i hate to admit it , she doesnt love me , I know this ..you ever not want to admit something that both of you know is true ? Im done , its over ..Ive been getting texts from people all day , latest from my daughter , I tried to give her everything and did for the most part , but I couldnt help her buy a car because of my drunken financial issues ,and ive felt bad for that the last year..I apologized for not being the greatest Dad ,and she texted back that i have been..that made me bawl my eyes out ..I know she loves me ..
Ive read posts that during sobriety that i should be selfish, that sobriety is #1 ,im trying ..what more can i do? if i havent drank for 30 days ,6 months ,2 years, 8 years . what are you supposed to do with people that bring up the past ? yes i was a ******* . condemn me for life ..so we cant be in a relationship...ever? id rather live alone

SophieB

Hi junk and Happy Birthday. Hear hear to what Hevyn said. Read that again.. I used to think the same thing. Didn't want to think about my financial disaster, everybody was mad at me all the time. So I was like I will just drink. Wow they really showed them ... My financial mess kept getting worse !!! It was horrible and when I sobered up a little it was all still there x20!!!

Stay strong don't pick up to spite her or to numb out....it does not work like that.

Keep posting and reading there are some very wise and kind people in this forum

benice

Happy Birthday and congrats on 30 days! It looks like you have been at this since 2008, so it reasons that it will take a little bit of time to see what your life will be like when you maintain sobriety. I hope you don't give up on your family. I hope you give it some time. Hang in there...

YouRmySunshine

1st of all Happy Birthday! you & I must have the same sober date, tomorrow marks 30 days for me too.
I understand that feeling of everyone around you to keep throwing your past in front of you. seems sometimes when you feel like you are making progress they search for something to throw at you. I guess its ok for us to feel guilt/anger/fear. I am understanding this is normal, but like you this is new to me as well.
I just try to remind myself of what I put my loved ones through the last several years & can't expect them to just forgive & move on with me at the same pace. Heck many days I realize I am still in the process of trying to figure out how to forgive & let go of my past as well.

Again Happy Birthday & All the Best. Make it a Sober one! ~Peace

junk33

My family understands , my daughter understands, my wife does not ..im a good person and i will not take the blame once again ..i do everything i can ,if somebody goes off on me ,it is not my fault because i drank at some point? people do not see the posts ,read the posts ,understand the posts ...as i expected this will probably be my my last nite here ..sure i drank and am trying to get better ,..but that does not mean i accept all blame for all world issues ..I havent spoken to my wife but it seems iam being vilified already ...because i drink..she can do whatever ..say whatever ,,. me ? i can stay in my bedroom for the whole month ,which ive done //but now i want some intimacy ? ..and all i get is ...im not ready ,you were a ******* ,im trying to understand you?...well....here it is ...ready? **** you ..! take me now or take me never ...

junk33

Sorry for the last post ...this place is awesome and Dee is great .. Im done here .i have too much pride to come back here after 2 relapses .. i tried and was truly happy ,I wish i couldve continued ...good luck to you all ..I love you all

Dee74

I hope you don't leave junk.
30 days is nothing to sneeze at.

you're not the first person to drink again and you won;t be the last. We understand - we get it.

Pride's no good if it keeps you from the support you need.

you do need to work out a solution to your domestic troubles tho - this was the breaking point last time too.

if you can't leave you're going have to talk it out.

If you can't talk it out, you're just gonna have to find a way to stay sober no matter what - no matter how unfair you feel others are or how much they tick you off.

if you're being hammered by resentment over your past drinking drinking now is actually making the situation worse here, not better

D

escapist

First Congratulations on your 30. That is a real accomplishment Junk.
Yes, it blows when you feel like you are the only one trying to improve and change.
Volitile people are torturous to be around. Can be a trigger but I was tell myself that they are not worth it. You are worth more than someones emotional punching bag.
I know how you feel. I think I am married to your wifes brother. Stay sober. Thirty days is a landmark. Happy Birthday to you!

junk33

I wish i could Dee , I really wish i could ..I was so proud of myself ..I sprung out of bed ,happy and full of life , shot down again , what better day to bring somebody down than their birthday ..I resigned to the fact im done , I was hoping i could turn it around and feel that somebody actually cared about me .wow how lame ... you know when you feel like a scum bag forever then you actually feel good about yourself for the first time in a long time , hence the title of my post .. i dont know why this is happening ? 30 days and on my birthday? she hates me , its my fault , might a well drink till i die , oh yay happy birthday

Dee74

From your posts you have a lot of people (and pets) who care for you.
maybe it's best to focus on them tonight?

Many Happy Returns by the way - hope this year will be the best yet for you

D

junk33

she wins .. congrats honey ..your winning ..

vegibean

junk33, I hope you read my post before you leave, because I want you to hear me as I TOTALLY heard you in the first post.

I make twice as much as my bf, and what short term of drinking I had after I relapsed did not affect us financially (drunk I was an idiot, but I'm sticking to your subject right now), and he doesn't throw anything at me, he's totally supportive, I've been doing what I'm supposed to, that's all I ask.

HOWEVER, in the process of my being sober, I've also noticed some of the things going on around me in our home that I have not been okay with, and were part of the reasons why I started drinking... With that being said, I have been vigorously addressing the issues because they revolve around my son and bf and some of the stuff they do when we're all under the same roof. Not getting into details, but my point is if you have something to say, please say it. Just because you were the one drinking doesn't mean that you are 100% to blame.

I listened to a lot of BS in my life, believed it, beat myself up over it and then drank over it.

I didn't deserve it, and neither do you. It is okay for you to stick up for yourself. I know that while drinking we did a lot of things wrong, but everyone else isn't perfect either and it's okay to "kindly and lovingly" point out that you need them to possibly adjust some things too.

I hope you don't leave junk, I get frustrated here sometimes too, it's not ALWAYS about me, sometimes it's about "them". Best to you. ~VB

CaiHong

Nothing to add to the great advice that has already been given from people who have been there and come out sober.

Early in sobriety I was a bear with a sore head, seeing my family as the problem they triggered me no end. Twenty months sober my perspective has changed completely. I am not saying that is you but just sharing my experience.

Maybe the relationship isn't good but for the moment just grin and bear it and stay sober.

Love
CaiHong

junk33

I love my dogs , and i have some good friends , but you dont live with them , i have started to drink , ive thrown away 29 days , and im not sure if ill be back , this was one of my last resorts , i feel alone , I cant do this without the love and support of my wife ,im sure we will have a heart to heart in a few hours when she gets home , but i cant see her changing ..damn i loved my sobriety ..we were never meant to be ..

home early she is ..