Dont know what to think or do
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Feb 2013
Location: london
Posts: 1
Dont know what to think or do
I am very new to this but stumbled acroos your website and was hoping someone would be able to shed some light on my situation or at least help get my head around things.
My boyfriend (fiance) has only ever been clean in 7 months in the 10 years i have known him, he has finally moved to spain to rehab and is giving 100% to his recovery and i am so happy he is doing this, we made plans for me to come out and join him and i visted regulary and called while he was first there, just before xmas he became distant and kept referring to me as his mate etc which was unusal he then dumped me the day i was due to fkly out to spend xmas with him and then refused to talk to me, we have since spoken twce and he is ademament we can not have regular contact and he still loves me but i must move on etc, the problem is i cant i have waited 19 years fo rthis and now he dumps me, im heart broken, he told me we will never be togther and he has a new life now in recovbery which i am very happy for him but why cant i be part of that too? so confused and need answers however he refused to discuss anything with me????
My boyfriend (fiance) has only ever been clean in 7 months in the 10 years i have known him, he has finally moved to spain to rehab and is giving 100% to his recovery and i am so happy he is doing this, we made plans for me to come out and join him and i visted regulary and called while he was first there, just before xmas he became distant and kept referring to me as his mate etc which was unusal he then dumped me the day i was due to fkly out to spend xmas with him and then refused to talk to me, we have since spoken twce and he is ademament we can not have regular contact and he still loves me but i must move on etc, the problem is i cant i have waited 19 years fo rthis and now he dumps me, im heart broken, he told me we will never be togther and he has a new life now in recovbery which i am very happy for him but why cant i be part of that too? so confused and need answers however he refused to discuss anything with me????
Member
Join Date: Sep 2010
Location: Ireland
Posts: 1,641
I am sorry that you are sad.
Very often, people in recovery change dramatically.
It is quite possible that you might not have liked the new him anyway.
I had a small reaction to the fact that he had to go to Spain to get sober.
Sounds like he might be a teensy little bit "special", if you get my drift.
There are lots of people on the Friends and Family forums who would help you.
The first thing they will tell you, (rightly), is go to Alanon, therapy etc and work on YOU.
You are also very, very important and are worthy of support at this difficult time.
Down the road, you will be OK and realize that it is for the best.
Take care of you.
Sorry again, that you are going through this.
Very often, people in recovery change dramatically.
It is quite possible that you might not have liked the new him anyway.
I had a small reaction to the fact that he had to go to Spain to get sober.
Sounds like he might be a teensy little bit "special", if you get my drift.
There are lots of people on the Friends and Family forums who would help you.
The first thing they will tell you, (rightly), is go to Alanon, therapy etc and work on YOU.
You are also very, very important and are worthy of support at this difficult time.
Down the road, you will be OK and realize that it is for the best.
Take care of you.
Sorry again, that you are going through this.
Thriving sober since 12/18/08
Join Date: Sep 2008
Location: Orlando, FL
Posts: 3,115
he is ademament we can not have regular contact and he still loves me but i must move on etc
Member
Join Date: Jan 2013
Location: Dallas
Posts: 86
Processing Feelings
Hello missnixc,
We are glad that you are here and have chosen to ask a few questions. I must say that in the little that you have shared there are many dimensions regarding suggestions for you going forward.
The events that have recently occured in your life are tough to deal with even on the best of days.
The one thing for me is that I have to remember is that we all have free will choice.
The tough part of love is that in its truest form there is no judgement there is just love. Does this make things any easier? Nope!
Someone said earlier that the first thing is to start thinking about You :-) It is not your fault, things happen.
It would almost be impossible for you to even begin to guess why this has occured, so don't try ;-)
I'm excited for you because obviously there is change in the air for you and your partner as well.
How I ride the waves of change is my choice. It will be a pain in the butt for a bit, no doubt.
For me, when I find myself sitting on the old pity pot and playing one of my favorite past roles which was being the victim I look for a way to be of service to another.
Its when I'm being of service that things in my life really begin to flow, so if your day is really crappy find someone or something to help and do not tell anyone.
Hang in there it will be ok!
Love,
CS
We are glad that you are here and have chosen to ask a few questions. I must say that in the little that you have shared there are many dimensions regarding suggestions for you going forward.
The events that have recently occured in your life are tough to deal with even on the best of days.
The one thing for me is that I have to remember is that we all have free will choice.
The tough part of love is that in its truest form there is no judgement there is just love. Does this make things any easier? Nope!
Someone said earlier that the first thing is to start thinking about You :-) It is not your fault, things happen.
It would almost be impossible for you to even begin to guess why this has occured, so don't try ;-)
I'm excited for you because obviously there is change in the air for you and your partner as well.
How I ride the waves of change is my choice. It will be a pain in the butt for a bit, no doubt.
For me, when I find myself sitting on the old pity pot and playing one of my favorite past roles which was being the victim I look for a way to be of service to another.
Its when I'm being of service that things in my life really begin to flow, so if your day is really crappy find someone or something to help and do not tell anyone.
Hang in there it will be ok!
Love,
CS
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