stone stiff

Old 02-11-2013, 07:20 PM
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stone stiff

I was abused when I was younger. Other physical contact was minimal. Several years ago.I was at first forced into.becoming a hugger. I've learned to enjoy it. But I tense, my whole body, most noticeably my jaw, I lock jaw anytime I touch someone, any tome I hug them, anytim I pet my animals.
I have two thoughts, one is a fear or pain considering most of.my physical interactions.went as such as a kid.
The other is my concern of ntinuing the cycle. I have a temper which I have gotten help on.and is in a much better place than ever before. But I treat myself like an anger addict. I have to be vigilant, I can't slip. I think that tenseness resonates, so when I try to touch another living thing I go into hyper control....anyone else do this or has?
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Old 02-11-2013, 07:21 PM
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I apologize for my typing, my computer is down leaving.me.at the hands of my possessed phone!
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Old 02-11-2013, 08:06 PM
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Originally Posted by Payne View Post
I was abused when I was younger. Other physical contact was minimal. Several years ago.I was at first forced into.becoming a hugger. I've learned to enjoy it. But I tense, my whole body, most noticeably my jaw, I lock jaw anytime I touch someone, any tome I hug them, anytim I pet my animals.
I have two thoughts, one is a fear or pain considering most of.my physical interactions.went as such as a kid.
The other is my concern of ntinuing the cycle. I have a temper which I have gotten help on.and is in a much better place than ever before. But I treat myself like an anger addict. I have to be vigilant, I can't slip. I think that tenseness resonates, so when I try to touch another living thing I go into hyper control....anyone else do this or has?
Reading this was like reading about myself. I was forced into learning to cope with physical touch when I became a mother. It was okay at first, when my oldest was an infant. I really liked holding her. But then they grow into squirmy toddlers, and it's "touch touch touch touch touch." After my second child was born and I had two little ones, it was almost unbearable. Absolute sensory overload with all the touching, bouncing around, and wanting to be held. It's gotten better. Buddhist mindfulness and meditation techniques have helped a lot. I do enjoy the still times - just sitting quietly and cuddling with my kids or with my husband. I find it quite nurturing. I also have to set aside my aversion to physical contact with other humans because I think it's a pretty big deal for kids to have lots of nurturing and loving touch. I would do anything for the benefit of my kids, so that helps me ride the wave of the feelings of panic and tension that arise sometimes.

I am still pretty jumpy when it comes to other people though. Especially the accidental brushes or bumps. Those kind of things send me through the roof. My guess is that it's the combination that you described from childhood....an abundance of painful touch, combined with a lack of nurturing touch. There are probably some interesting connections in our brains. Touch = physical and emotional pain, fear, danger, fight/freeze/flight, etc. That neural pathway is well-worn.

I am curious about how you've learned to manage your anger. I am in the same boat - with what you described as "hypercontrol." What has worked, and what has helped you? I have struggled with anger for much of my life. Again, the buddhist techniques have helped, but I still have a lot of fear around anger and losing control.
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Old 02-12-2013, 09:25 AM
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Currently sitting at the break table at work with a particularly challenging day.in.customer service, pelrsonal hormonal imbalances, and a trying time with my best friend I'm a little on edge. I work in retail and ironically as a bartender, its a belief of mine not to be afraid of alcohol but to respect it and not hide from fears. It comes from my dog training background. With dogs the most dangerous dog in a room is not the aggressive one, because you know it and see it. The most dangerous dog in the room.is the one whale eyed tail between its legs cowering, because you never know what its intent or next move may be. It sound round about but for that reason I refuse to be held down by my fears. That being said, for this reason I became a bartender, its social interaction I veer from (I hate eye contact it takes a lot of love and trust for me to give it and receive it, I've learned to socially cope by instead looking at someone's forehead or cheek when it'd too overwhelming) also, drunk individuals can be infuriating. When I'm in the midst of a situation I cannot get away from such as an unruly shut off, a key taking gone awry , or a bar fight. I have trained myself to move slower, assess more, say less. Response to that and to handle the raised adrenaline, my muscles tighten. When the time has passed I will excuse myself to the kitchen.and allow for two minutes of deep breathing while I systematically reloosen the muscles.
When in a situation I can remove myself from I do. However, I do worry sometimes this makes me a doormat. One fear that still controls me is the fear of myself, I've blacked out in.anger and done some things I'm not very proud of. My freezing tends to be both of fear of myself and of others. Anger is still one of my biggest problems as an aca, learning how to have healthy responses to negative stimuli without going overboard or without being a doormat is a constantly challenging aspect for me.
As for the physical I would very much like to become intimate with someone, however my panic at being.held usually gets the best of me. I always try to remember and count myself blessed that it came to ly attention so early about the community and support of acoa, more time to heal and enjoy my life!
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Old 02-13-2013, 08:03 PM
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Yup. I was abused too and it's taken a lifetime to get used to being hugged. I can handle and even initiate it because I know it's expected. But I just hate it. I still cringe inside. My husband has gotten used to me, ha ha. Most would never know if I didn't tell them. What I hate the most is when someone comes up from behind me and hugs me, freak out in a split second I have to go from my beaten/escape mode to "I know it's someone nice, calm down, wait it out." Yeah really hard. Conditioning.
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Old 02-15-2013, 03:09 PM
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I was just watching "Who Wants to be Millionaire" and the host, Meredith, kept hugging the contestants all the time. And kisses them on the face. It just bothered me so much that I finally connected it. I have noticed before that I just hate it when she does that. And she hugs them for so long, much longer than I could bear. Hugging total strangers, really bothered me. I was thinking man, I could never be on that show and be hugged that much by a stranger, ugh. I would have normally just been edgy and not know why but I finally turned the sound off and read a book. But I had to see if the contestant won, she didn't.
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Old 02-18-2013, 11:18 AM
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That's not funny but funny. I'm claustrophobic, and my friends always shake their heads of there's a claustrophobic scene on tv I can't even watch. Although I uess I do the same even when they show regular affection too... Hmm
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