Notices

New, struggling and looking for advice.

Old 02-11-2013, 12:03 PM
  # 1 (permalink)  
Member
Thread Starter
 
Join Date: Feb 2013
Posts: 3
Unhappy New, struggling and looking for advice.

Hello All, Nice to meet everyone!

On October 1, 2012 I woke up and decided to stop drinking; this was after drinking for close to 23 years. I am 41 years old and have just had enough; this was my 1st attempt to stop. Craft beer (9% alcohol content) was my elixir for the past 3 years, before that it was mostly wine and some beer. I was not a 24 hour a day drinker but I would drink every night and on the weekends to the point I was drunk. I’d bet in the past 23 years only 10% of the days had sober nights.

Today is 19 weeks since going cold turkey and I am finding it more of a struggle to refrain from drinking. I’ve managed to hold strong but feel I am in a path to failure. What do I do? Everywhere I go I see the few people that are drinking, not the majority that are not! I have managed to avoid events where alcohol is being served, but I cannot avoid them all as that would mean never leaving my house. My wife has been a great support system (she is not a drinker) but I am afraid at some point she will get sick of me complain about how I need a drink.

I know I’m not the only person to go through this, so I am hoping I can get some advice that will help be in this long, hard journey.

Any help or advice would be greatly appreciated.

Thanks,

Felix
nyrfan89 is offline  
Old 02-11-2013, 12:16 PM
  # 2 (permalink)  
Member
 
Join Date: Feb 2013
Posts: 1,062
Hey Felix! Welcome to SR ! I am glad you joined! There are great folks here to point you in good directions and I am sure hey will be along here shortly.

I am even more newly sober than you (36 days) so I don't really have much to offer than to ask you if you are in any kind of program to support your recovery or are you just trying to go it alone?

Look around these boards and you will find many different types of support groups for like minded people.

Keep reading and posting!
Kat60 is offline  
Old 02-11-2013, 12:19 PM
  # 3 (permalink)  
Hears The Voice
 
Nonsensical's Avatar
 
Join Date: Jan 2013
Location: Unshackled
Posts: 7,901
Welcome! I have found lots of great information on this forum about staying sober. There are many paths. One of them should work for you.
Nonsensical is offline  
Old 02-11-2013, 12:50 PM
  # 4 (permalink)  
Administrator
 
Dee74's Avatar
 
Join Date: Apr 2007
Location: Australia
Posts: 211,043
Hi Felix

I think, for me, stopping drinking was merely the first step...I had to do more than just not drink....

the rest of my life was a drinkers life...my mind was a drinkers mind...

I had to do a bit of work on changing that....building a new sober life, and discovering who new sober me was.

I think supports important in that process too - it's important to know you're not alone in this...

I know you'll find a lot of support, and a few ideas, here

congratulations on your 19 weeks - and welcome aboard

D
Dee74 is offline  
Old 02-11-2013, 12:53 PM
  # 5 (permalink)  
Sober Alcoholic
 
awuh1's Avatar
 
Join Date: Aug 2011
Posts: 3,539
I suggest you try going to an AA meeting. Keep an open mind. Tell people it is your first meeting if you get a chance to. There's a way to not drink and feel good about it at the same time, and there are alot of examples of this in AA meetings everywhere.
awuh1 is offline  
Old 02-11-2013, 01:19 PM
  # 6 (permalink)  
Member
 
Join Date: Jan 2013
Location: Dallas
Posts: 86
Sobriety

Hello Felix,

We are glad that you're here, welcome. A big cudos to you on your choice to stop drinking.

I can most definitely relate for I drank for over 20 years and I quit cold turkey as well on July 20, 1997.

I did love my beer, it was my drug of "Choice". You will most likely hear that statement again. If you drank like me then you have made the most important choice of your life.

In a nutshell, the most important thing that I discovered after quitting is that I did not have any coping skills...period!!

I was full of emotions as most are and I didn't have a clue on how to process my feelings.

Is this discovery period easy? No! Does it take at times every bit of courage and willpower that you can find within yourself? Yes!

Can you quit drinking? Yes! You already have

Its nice that you have a loving partner that supports your choice to quit drinking and begin the journey of discovering a part of yourself that you most likely are not very familiar with.

It has taken you over 20 years to make these habitual compulsive choices that have brought you to where you are now. It will most likely take you a little time to relearn some new habits.

Congratulations to you for having the courage to ask for help, be grateful!!

Laughter always helps me when I get to wrapped up in my stuff.

Love,

CS
ChooseSobriety is offline  
Old 02-11-2013, 01:51 PM
  # 7 (permalink)  
Member
 
Zebra1275's Avatar
 
Join Date: May 2009
Posts: 14,836
Sounds to me like you are "white knuckling" it. That's not a good long term approach. You are either going to give into temptation or drive the people around you nuts. As Dee said, I had to make changes in "me" not just stop drinking. The program of AA helped me along that path.
Zebra1275 is offline  
Old 02-11-2013, 02:37 PM
  # 8 (permalink)  
Not Alone
 
Natom's Avatar
 
Join Date: Oct 2012
Location: South East UK
Posts: 1,513
Hi Felix,

Welcome to the forums and congratulations on your sober time. If I could only give you one piece of advice it would be to get some type of support system in place to assist you in your recovery. The world is your oyster when it comes to using different recovery methods. Some of the main players are AA, AVRT and SMART recovery which you can find lots of information about on Google. However different people have different methods of getting and staying sober. Some people just use these forums and post regularly. No matter what method you use I think the majority of us would attest that we couldn't do this by ourselves, or by willpower alone.

I wish you the best of luck on your continuing journey.

Natom.
Natom is offline  
Old 02-12-2013, 04:28 AM
  # 9 (permalink)  
Member
Thread Starter
 
Join Date: Feb 2013
Posts: 3
Good Morning and thanks for the replies everyone.

I have my good days and bad days, although the bad seem to be coming a bit more frequently lately. While I have not yet given into the temptation, I am scared that at some point I will and DON’T want to! Again this was my 1st attempt at quitting and I want it to be my last!

My wife recommended AA but I am not the most sociable person, probably part of the reason I drank so much. I am trying to open up a bit more, joining this site was my start. What can I expect in AA and more importantly how do I embrace it? How do I get my damn foot to go in the door?

Felix
nyrfan89 is offline  
Old 02-12-2013, 05:10 AM
  # 10 (permalink)  
Member
 
Received's Avatar
 
Join Date: Jan 2013
Posts: 1,090
Hi Felix and welcome to SR.

There are many different road to recovery and AA is one option that many have chosen. I myself chose to attend at one time several years ago.

The method I used to finally stop, for good, is Rational Recovery/AVRT which you can google for their website. The book is called Rational Recovery The New Cure for Substance Addiction. It is a "method" of sorts, not a program.

To address other problems, some caused by my past drinking, I see a therapist, my GP and of course come here to SR which is where I found out about Rational Recovery/AVRT.

One has to find what works for them and there are programs such as LifeRing, SMART and others available.

Different things work for different people. But not drinking is not only an attainable, it's awesome!
Received is offline  
Old 02-12-2013, 06:21 AM
  # 11 (permalink)  
Member
Thread Starter
 
Join Date: Feb 2013
Posts: 3
Originally Posted by Received View Post
Hi Felix and welcome to SR.

There are many different road to recovery and AA is one option that many have chosen. I myself chose to attend at one time several years ago.

The method I used to finally stop, for good, is Rational Recovery/AVRT which you can google for their website. The book is called Rational Recovery The New Cure for Substance Addiction. It is a "method" of sorts, not a program.

To address other problems, some caused by my past drinking, I see a therapist, my GP and of course come here to SR which is where I found out about Rational Recovery/AVRT.

One has to find what works for them and there are programs such as LifeRing, SMART and others available.

Different things work for different people. But not drinking is not only an attainable, it's awesome!
I've search but cannot find the correct answer. What is SMART?
nyrfan89 is offline  
Old 02-12-2013, 06:29 AM
  # 12 (permalink)  
Member
 
Received's Avatar
 
Join Date: Jan 2013
Posts: 1,090
Originally Posted by nyrfan89 View Post
I've search but cannot find the correct answer. What is SMART?
I'll pm the links to you.
Received is offline  
Old 02-12-2013, 07:48 AM
  # 13 (permalink)  
Member
 
Join Date: Nov 2012
Location: London.
Posts: 54
Originally Posted by nyrfan89 View Post
My wife recommended AA but I am not the most sociable person, probably part of the reason I drank so much. I am trying to open up a bit more, joining this site was my start. What can I expect in AA and more importantly how do I embrace it? How do I get my damn foot to go in the door?

Felix
One of the big break through moments for me was the realization that one of the major impacts alcoholism had on my life was that it caused me to isolate more and more. Effectively the drinking made me anti-social and in that lay the catch 22 for me.

As to 'embracing' AA, well I truly believe that its all about just turning up. Somebody once told me that if you bring your body along then eventually your mind will catch up.

With regards to what to expect, then be prepared for the shocking fact (at least it was to me) that you will hear more laughter than sobs. More tears caused by mirth than sadness. It was bizarre when I went along and saw all these happy people. I genuinely thought that in a room of 30 or so people, probably only about 4 or 5 were alcoholics and the rest all do-gooders or social workers and the like. It was staggering to find out that everybody in it was an alchie !

We live in a world in which we invest a lot of time and effort in securing big and shiny packages and boxes only to find out that the contents are a real let down. AA is that battered and rather grimy looking plain brown box that you only decide to have a look inside when you are so pissed off with everything else.

And for me, well that box had something very special in it. But it takes time. No quick fixes, no instant relief but just a group of people who are probably unique in that they all just want one thing for you. And that is for you to get better.

You aint here because you are bad, you are here because you are mad. And getting sane is a very worthwhile journey.

Best of luck with it.
Cormat is offline  
Old 02-12-2013, 07:56 AM
  # 14 (permalink)  
Member
 
Pataphor's Avatar
 
Join Date: Jan 2013
Location: USA
Posts: 246
Originally Posted by ChooseSobriety View Post
Hello Felix,


Congratulations to you for having the courage to ask for help, be grateful!!

Laughter always helps me when I get to wrapped up in my stuff.
Big ditto! well said! :ghug3
Pataphor is offline  

Currently Active Users Viewing this Thread: 1 (0 members and 1 guests)
 
Posting Rules
You may not post new threads
You may not post replies
You may not post attachments
You may not edit your posts

BB code is On
Smilies are On
[IMG] code is On
HTML code is Off
Trackbacks are On
Pingbacks are On
Refbacks are Off




All times are GMT -7. The time now is 01:46 PM.