Midlifecrisis

Guess that's a relapse? Just not coping. Gah.

ReadyAtLast

can you maybe see your doctor MLC? He/she can maybe help you with things and a program to cut down/wean off valium

YouRmySunshine

Sorry, hope you can get some help.

soberclover

I think it is great that you know you aren't coping as you want to be. Stress and anxiety are clearly a struggle you've identified. I hope you are able to reach out to your doctor and/or to a counselor. Seeing a counselor has been a good idea for me personally.

Take care of you.

Midlifecrisis

I went to a doctor yesterday about my depression and anxiety. I got a mental health plan, counseling appointment and Valium. I was thinking I needed anti depressants but he wanted me to have valium first. I should have said no but I couldn't. I'm not happy about it but the addict in me was jumping for joy. It was my birthday yesterday too so it felt like I got a little relief for a present

I have to give them to my husband, he nearly left last night when I told him. Straight away I took 4 or 5 instead of 1/2 or 1. I just can't go another day feeling like I've been feeling.

CharlieNoogan

How some doctors graduated medical school, I'll never know.... I mean who thinks it is a good idea to give benzos to an addict?

What is your plan now?

Xune

Have you talked to your Doctor about alternatives to Benzos in treating anxiety?

They do exist.

Midlifecrisis

I did talk to him about other things. I really thought I should go on ads. I've resisted for such a long time but I can't handle it anymore. I was an absolute, suicidal mess yesterday. So the conversation started off well but the desire for instant relief (which benzos give) was too strong so yeah, I didn't say no...here we are, i literally bolted to that chemist, prescription in hand. Feeling like I may as well drink at my mums 60th on the weekend now too.

My plan, I guess I'll see this counselor next week and go from there. I don't want my husband to leave

Dee74

Does your Dr know your entire history MLC?

D

FatallyUncool

Love ya, Midlife.

CharlieNoogan

Why would you now consider drinking at your mother's birthday? You "may as well" put a gun to your head, metaphorically speaking. You just said you are suicidal.

I wouldn't even give the pills to your husband. Just flush them down the toilet - now.

Midlifecrisis

Not all of if Dee. Have never seen this doctor in my life, you never see the same doc twice. I did tell him that I was taking too much last time, etc.

Thanks fatally.

I guess it just feels like a 'well I may as well drink now' kind of thing.

ReadyAtLast

It's your AV talking MLC. Don't allow it to win. Ok you've had a slip with valium. It's no reason to throw all your sobertime away and start drinking. Can you see your doc and get some other meds, not benzos or referral for therapy. Please don't drink. you can do this

Dee74

That's pretty classic alcoholic/addict thinking - I screwed up so screwing up worse doesn't really matter.

It does tho - cos you matter. We all do.

but what happens between now and next week MLC?

I'm not asking that to beat you up in any way - I really believe these really are the kinds of things we need to get proactive about if we want to stay in recovery.

D

Midlifecrisis

Thanks. He was talking about ads but wanted me to have Valium for two weeks first. Did I say that already, can't remember. Argh. What other meds can I have that will work fast to get rid of the way I feel?

Dee. Not sure what happens between now and then, guess I just stay on the Valium. My head is so screwy. I'm going to a concert In a couple of weeks with a friend who uses Smack. My head is running with that. Wtf am I doing??? I'm an idiot. I just can't stand the way I feel

Midlifecrisis

And then I think. I was better when I was just drinking. At least I could relax a bit and not worry about taking other drugs so much and not have to feel like this/(

Dee74

I think right now your head's all over the place MLC.

I think ultimately though you're going to have to face your demons and decide to do something definite about your addiction issues.

It's either that or keep doing this - and lurching around from crisis to crisis and drug to drug is no way to live...I did that for too many years.

You deserve better from yourself, MLC.

D

MyTimeNow

Last year I was prescribed a drug called propanolol for anxiety. after being on and off different anti d's for years and hating the side effects I much preferred this. Works pretty much instantly and there were no side effects for me. You know what I've written that and I don't know what a benzo is so hope not recommending another one! Def go back to your doctor tell them the full story and why you are unhappy with the valium script and ask for an alternative. Apologies for typos, using phone!

Bubovski

Depends on a lot of things IMO.
Withdrawals are the pits, and slow tapers important.
Benzos, very light, if taken rarely, not in a group setting like alcohol,IMO is not the worst of options.
Getting down to the occasional, say 5mgs of valium, is far removed from 40 mgs a day long term, and all the withdrawal blues entailed there.

Midlifecrisis

You are right. I've been saying for awhile I have to face my demons. They've been there so long and so suppressed that it scares me so much. But I can't keep doing this.

I'm such an addict. Valium in the correct dose (I've probably only taken the right dose like once ever) seems to really help and do what it is supposed to and I feel I can cope. But my addict won't take the normal dose, I want to get high. It doesn't even seem possible to take the right dose. It's crazy. I'm already freaking out about running out and getting more. After one day.
I just felt so immediately relived when I had. Them. Like my head shut up for the first tkme in months. And I liked it. And I love it. And I I don't want to not be high. But my husband wants to lave me over it. I have 5 kids. Wtf is feeling good more important than that? Eff it honestly. I just can't keep feeling the Way I was. It's no kind of life to want to die half the day and feel overwhelmed and paralyzed by everything.

Golly, I'm rambling aren't I? Sorry! Um
Yeah. Maybe I deserve better, I dunno, I do it to myself: I don't know how to live without an obsession whether it be drugs, bulimia, Internet, whatever:
.

Too hard.

Flop