opgirl

I posted a few weeks ago that it was another Monday morning...Day 1. Well, I've not been successful at quitting my weekend binges. Today would technically be Day 2...and I have to make this work. I got drunk Saturday night after being at a friend's bday party and fell on my face. I have a bruise and a HUGE lump on my forehead...and probably a concussion. I am so ashamed...I am literally a falling down drunk. I know it is completely up to me to change. I'm 33 years old and married to a great guy. He likes to drink; he isn't an alcoholic but enjoys throwing back a few with friends on the weekend. I feel weekends are so hard because EVERYONE I know (friends, family) likes to drink. A few have problems like me but most are just what I would call moderate/heavy drinkers. I have to stop. I am so ashamed and my husband said he doesn't want to feel like my parent when I'm drunk. I feel literally feel sick with shame. I told my husband for the 110th time that I'm quitting drinking. He doesn't believe me of course and he says I just need to keep it to a couple and I'll be fine. He says I need self control. I told him that I can't even have 1 because it turns into 100 no matter what my intentions are. My problem is that I don't want to go to or have in my home these social events that put me around alcohol. I let the atmosphere get to me every time. My husband really enjoys these social events and really wants me to go anyway (drinking a little or not at all). My question is, is it normal to want to isolate yourself in early sobriety? I just feel like it's SO not healthy for me to be around it right now. I hate to disappoint him because he's been so helpful. Maybe I could just tell him I just need to isolate for a little while? Thanks for your help.

bigsombrero

First off, great job addressing this with yourself. At least you are being honest.

A couple schools of thought. One, isolation can be dangerous. In my experience, that's what led to even heavier usage. But it doesn't sound like that's a problem for you. Two, social drinking - this is what seems to be an issue for you. I would remind you that you have the right to NOT host this kind of thing in your own home, and you also have the right NOT to go to these events when hosted by friends.

A friend of mine once said "If you don't want to get thrown under the bus, stop hanging out at the bus station!" - which is an easy truth once it boils down to it. You have to realize that your social life will change with this decision...for the better! But for starters, I would recommend getting all those parties out of your life. What's wrong with spending Saturday night watching a movie or Discovery Channel instead of blacking out at a friends place? Are you that socially attached to your group of friends right now that it's impossible to do?

Good luck!

Joe Nerv

Have you given AA a try? People there can answer your questions, and its also a way to keep from isolating. Isolation is not a particularly healthy route to take with sobriety. It leaves us alone with our worst enemy, our alcoholic selves. There's not much point in staying sober either if it means sitting at home while we wish we were out doing something else. AA has been a great vehicle for many to develop a social life outside of the destructive ones we were accustomed to, and has helped me learn to comfortably be a part of any social situations I choose to be a part of.

opgirl

Thank you for the replies guys. These get togethers are basically just reasons for everyone to catch up and catch a buzz. They are nice people but when I really think about it...they are just drinking buddies for me. My husband has been friends with them since he was a kid, so his friendships are real...I think I'll probably just excuse myself from these things for awhile, if not forever! I tell myself I don't want to disappoint my husband but really...what's more disappointing...not going somewhere or going, getting smashed, and giving yourself a concussion and black eye?

I have been to AA...not in a while because the few times I went, I didn't really like it. I'm not against it and sometimes think about trying again. There's certain things I feel don't work for me about AA but I do see how it can get you out of isolation with sober people. It's something I might think about.

christyham

Hi I know exactly where you are coming I have just joined today after a binge at the weekend. I like you have friends and family who like to drink and when u get into this company I go off the rails I drink until I can't remember and cringe at the thought of what I might have done. I am married with a two girls and my wife is great she enjoys a few drinks but never loses control and says what you husband says just take a few and then stop. I go out thinking this but never happens. She then has to put up with my hangover and drink depression. I can't let this happen again I'm 31 and enough is enough maybe we can help each other along

soberclover

I have found that isolating myself has been good for my sobriety. I, too, am a falling down drunk and it never had a good or pretty ending! You are clear that you have a problem with drinking. It only gets worse not better; trust me! You are responsible for your sobriety. Tell your husband that you cannot be around drinking right now. Maybe later when you are stronger, but right now you need to work on yourself.

It is hard to be a couple and only one stops drinking. My boyfriend is a drinker and I am an alcoholic and cannot. It is hard but I really have to be clear about my boundaries. The last time I drank I fell and hit my head really really hard and gave myself a brain injury (because I had repeatedly fallen and hit my head so many times!).

Give yourself this gift of sobriety. Keep reading and keep posting!!

opgirl

Wow, we have a very similar story! I totally know what you mean about your wife putting up with the hangover and drink depression. I put my husband through that yesterday...along with the worry over my head injury. Enough is enough and yes, we will help each other.

peaches71

I don't see what you are saying as isolation, but more of separation from trigger situations. That is what I have chosen to for myself, and for me in the early part of my sobriety I feel it is necessary for me to avoid social situations that will jeopardize my decision to not drink, not even one. I don't see at a possible long term thing as we are all going to have to at one point or another be around social drinking, but for now until I get some much needed self evaluation time, and sober time it seems best to avoid as many triggers as possible. (only my opinion).

ivegotsunshine

Hi opgirl- This quote is exactly the issue I have had with my husband in the past. My husband and I were fantastic drinking partners. Over the 10 years I have known him I have casually mentioned my drinking problem over and over. He never took me seriously and would often have the same response as your husband.
I took him out to dinner on new years day and had a very serious conversation with him. I had decided to quit drinking after over serving myself at my own house party on 12/30/12. I was so disgusted with myself and the way I acted in front of friends...
ANyways, he tried again to tell me I need to manage it better and that I dont need to quit and all that other lovely stuff. When he tried to get out of the conversation I made him listen to me. It wasnt until I told him that I forget things and my vision blurs while I am at work and driving, and that I drink when he goes to bed and at least 4 days/ week I drink to excess. That got him listening.
It has been hard. It has been hard on our relationship. When I asked him the other day if he missed me drinking he said, "sometimes yes, sometimes, no"
OUCH. But that is just one more thing we need to work on. Staying sober is the first.
I practice AVRT and a little bit of AA, sort of take from each what I like the most. I love SR and have found it an invaluable tool for my sobriety.
I wish you all the best of luck in your recovery. Stay strong

opgirl

Thank you so much for your post. I'm thinking isolating isn't necessarily a bad thing in the beginning...I need to get some sober weekends under my belt. I'm glad to hear it worked for you! I am so sorry to hear about your brain injury! I have hit my head before while drunk and I'm hoping I didn't do permanent damage this time.

opgirl

Yes, you said this much better than I did!! My brain is still kinda foggy from the abuse I gave it this weekend.

opgirl

Wow, we have similiar stories! I sometimes think that my husband doesn't want to lose his drinking buddy. We've been that way through our whole relationship. It's going to be an adjustment, but it is necessary. Thank you so much for sharing!

FamilyMan2153

Relationships are very tricky when one is an alcoholic and one is a social drinker. My wife did everything she could think of to get me to moderate. We loved going out together. For a very long time it was mostly fun but to wards the end it was almost always a disaster and really hurt our relationship. My wife finally understood I was an alcoholic and could not drink at all. For the first couple of months I kept to myself (besides meetings) and occasionally just me and her would go for dinner. We did have a Long discussion about what I needed to get and stay sober and honestly, to be the husband and father we both wanted. We had to give up some friends and miss some parties but it is almost 6 months now. Our lives are different but better. I can honestly say that or marriage would not have made it if we did not make the changes we did. You guys need to look at what you want out of life and than commit to the changes that have to be made to have that life. Good luck

hawkeyefan

I too fell, on the deck, alone, black eye, bruised forhead, lied to family that the dogs tripped me. A couple weeks later, fell on the kitchen floor, too drunk to protect my head, had a huge bump and bruised forehead, again, alone and lied. I told myself if you do not sober up, you're going to fall, have a bleed, and die!!! I read a post here that someones friend did just that and it really reinforced that thought. What's even scarier is I didn't remember these falls till days later. The crap I have done to myself, by myself is unbelievable now. Good Luck!!!

CharlieNoogan

From what I gather, you are not too attached to these "friends" and as you say the get to-gathers are simply excuses to drink. These are not "social" situations, they are "selfish" situations that we alcoholics use to justify our drinking.

I would look into finding new friends and new interests that do not revolve around drinking. Ditch them. Those who are truly friends will want to participate in your new interests outside of alcohol to spend time with you. As they say, "nothing changes if nothing changes."

Good luck in your journey.

hypochondriac

It sounds like you have a really good idea of what you need to do opgirl. I have isolated a lot in recovery but not entirely and the social events I had to go to early on were really tough. Now I manage them fine but I excuse myself early cos it gets a bit boring. I think it's a good idea to isolate from people who you drank with and keep in close contact with others in recovery. It's so easy to forget the reasons we quit in the first place.

Nonsensical

There's a voice in my head that tells me I should just have one or two. He knows if I believe him I will drink until I pass out. He doesn't have to convince me to get drunk, he only has to convince me to take the first drink. It took me a long time to realize three things:
-That little voice is a liar who will say anything to get me to give him alcohol
-I know that once I give in he gets stronger and I get weaker
-He is powerless to get alcohol if I won't give it to him

Welcome! You're in a good place.

melissa6381

Hey guys also in a relationship with someone who casually drinks. He is a chef and loves to drink wine with dinner. It is such a trigger for me when he opens a bottle of wine in the house but he gets really sad when I get triggered by it saying " I can't even unwind with a glass of wine around you anymore" I don't want to take this away from him because he doesn't have a problem but I'm afraid that alcohol in my home will trigger another relapse. He keeps it in a locked fridge for me and during my last relapse he said "this is all my fault" which of course isn't true- it was my fault but it certainly didnt help. How is it for you guys when your spouse brings it into the home?

opgirl

It doesn't bother me TOO much if my husband just has a beer or two in the evening. What does seem to bother me is when he goes to happy hour after work and comes home with an obvious serious buzz. He's in this chilled out happy "buzzing" place and I'm just there. Same with people drinking in my house or going out where people are drinking. That's why I think isolating is for me right now. Drinking is like a vacation from myself...(it has turned into vacations from hell recently)...BUT it does bother me to see people on their "vacations" while I'm stuck with myself. I'm hoping this gets better with time.

melissa6381

Opgirl, You just made me realize something about myself with your response. I grew up with an alcoholic father and a mom who almost never drinks. Watching her interact with a drunk husband all my life.... Her relationship seemed so one sided and lonely and I think that contributes to my sensitivity on this issue. New to this community and so happy to be here.