bigsombrero

I was chatting about this on another thread so I thought I'd give some time to this. Just some thoughts.

Does anyone else use facebook? I do, and I'm assuming a lot of people do. When I went to treatment, I actually "friended" a few of the folks in with me in my treatment center, and I have been able to follow them on facebook to see updates on their lives. It's been, frankly, unencouraging.

One of my friends, for example, will often write silly posts about AA. "Going to an AA meeting tonight with my friend Krystal, hope she doesn't bring a joint to smoke on the bus on the way home", or "Ugh, AA was so boring tonight I can't wait to watch the Grammy's" etc. I feel that sharing this kind of thing with 400 other people might not be the best idea. It kind of defeats the "anonymous" portion of AA, for starters. Isn't recovery itself a private matter? I think it's unhealthy to put this kind of information out there on a public website. Heck, future employers often check your facebook pages when they look at your resume - is that what you want them to see?

Another one of my old treatment buddies clearly had a relapse. He got in touch with me on facebook and wanted to chat - but then I noticed his next post was about him losing his internet service because he could not pay the bill. He's clearly in trouble and it's like watching a car crash in slow motion. Another old classmate is now 100% using again, in fact his "profile" picture shows him sitting in an easy chair with a beer, looking very fat and unhealthy. He's also a "fan" of the Miller Lite facebook page among others. I deleted him from my friend list but was almost tempted to contact him with some support...

For my part, I have never addressed my treatment or condition on facebook, which is probably for the best. However, I often get comments from old friends who aren't aware of my condition - "We should try that new bar!" or "I wonder how drunk we'll get this St. Patrick's Day" etc. I normally just delete those comments but it does bug me. Also I was on Twitter recently, and I was tweeting about good ways to enjoy the Super Bowl without alcohol. One of my friends sent me a private message saying "are you no longer drinking? why all the posts about alcohol-free super bowl stuff?" -- is this a sign I should lay off this kind of tweet?

What about you guys? Does anyone ever post on your facebook page "stay strong" or "good luck with AA"? What do you do if that happens? Should I de-friend everyone who was an old drinking buddy?

Also wondering if anyone got any guidance from councilors, AA members, sponsors, etc on how to deal with the social media space? I think it's a huge part of most younger people's lives (I'm 37 and I worked in media for years and it's a big part of mine too) - yet coping skills for this kind of thing are left unaddressed. And the bottom line is that nobody reads books or writes letters anymore. It's all text, facebook, e-mail and twitter....I find advice in this social sphere sorely lacking!

flutter

I didn't join FB until well after I was sober.. and never added old drinking buddies, so I haven't had the experience you have. I'd say if it bothers you, shove all your recovery friends into a "group" and edit the settings about what you want and don't want to see from them. I have a couple of old friends that will post annually about their sober anniversary, and I've never acknowledged it on a personal level but will totally tell them 'congrats'. My recovery is pretty personal to me, and frankly nobody's business. My close friends know I don't drink, no one else seems to care, and I'm really not friends with anyone who does. IF I had old drinking buddies find me, I would probably add them but if they posted regularly about drinking, I would delete them or hide them from my newsfeed.

Natom

I use facebook and have a lot of people I know in recovery as friends, including some people from this site. There seems to be an unwritten rule about not writing recovery based comments on other peoples walls (at least in my experience). You just don't know who is on their facebook friends. I have people from work and family members who don't know I am in recovery. I'd be pretty annoyed if someone posted something on my wall about hitting up an NA meeting.

But....I do often have generic status' such as 'Thanks Higher Power' or 'Handing stuff over, letting go and letting God'. These types of status attract recovery based comments but none of them have ever actually mentioned my recovery. It's a fine line. I'm a member of groups on facebook that are recovery based and have also 'liked' pages like NA, AA, In The Rooms, etc. But I guess I'm not all that bothered if people find out about. I don't tell people I am in recovery but if they ask I don't lie. The only thing I can advise is.

1. People relapse all the time. Don't get hung up on it. Just be there when they call.

2. Stick to private messages if you're talking about recovery stuff.

3. Mess around with your privacy settings. You can do it individually so certain people can't see certain portions of your profile.

Natom.

MadameX

I do have facebook. When I did drink I did post things from time to time in anticipation of my night out like posting a pic of a margarita and commenting "Cant wait til happy hour ill be having one of these" but other than a few close family members I dont think anyone realized it was a problem. They'd just comment "have one for me to" things like that.

But now I have had friends that do what I use to and even tag me in their pics implying id be having some with them or posting old drunken pics of us at a club, bar etc...and tagging me as well. My cousin even tagged me in a few liquor pics when I caught my DUI which she knew and that really pissed me off.

I have said a few times on posts that I dont drink anymore. I think it just depends on the kind of people you associate with. Ive never had any negative comments about me saying I dont drink. And I just ignore the invites and posts from others glorifying alcohol. Recently after a happy hour incident if someones tags me I just untag it or if Im asked I just address it as the qustions come.

I also dont know how Id feel about someone who knows the true severity of my addiction and what Im doing in recovery to be on a site that personal to me. I think Id be scared theyd post something that I wouldnt want my family and friends to see, especially ones I havent seen for years who still remember me before alcohol. But thats just me. Id be very selective with anyone from AA or any support group unless I knew theyd respect my privacyin that regard.

Impurrfect

I have friends, in recovery, as well as a few friends/family that like to post about going out and getting drunk or smoking weed. MY recovery, however, is never mentioned. I do belong to a group of recovering codependent friends (I'm one of those, too) and it is not available for anyone but us to see.

Not sure how they set it up, but that may be an idea?

Hugs and prayers,

Amy

Anna

I kept my recovery to myself when I began and I still feel it's an intensely personal journey.

Joe Nerv

Mentioning AA on Facebook is going against the suggested traditions. There are some articles about it on the AA website. It can be harmful to AA in countless ways, and is incredibly dangerous for the people doing it. I've got lots of thoughts and feelings on this, but I'm at work and can't elaborate.

bigsombrero

For the record I would never mention AA on my facebook or allude to any recovery-based stuff for the most part. I suppose the main reason for my thoughts on the matter this morning were based in the fact that nobody tells you how to properly handle it....like, we learn coping skills on how to handle family, friends, etc, but we never get a "this is how you should do facebook" stuff. A lot of my treatment friends are not doing it appropriately IMO. Thanks for your thoughts on the matter to those who have posted!

Impurrfect

Another thing I just thought of...I have one friend who does go to NA. All that he posts is "heading to a meeting". *I* know what he's talking about, but I think it's a much better way of letting his recovery friends know, without "outing" himself or anyone else.

Hugs and prayers,

Amy

renaldo

Facebook is a waste of time. If someone wants to email you (s)he can do it directly, or pick up the friggin' phone. We're not in the stone age anymore.

Lionhearted1

i have facebook and it makes me want to drink more than anything, all the pictures of friends getting pissed up statuses about drinking or getting drunk..........

jazzfish

I have Facebook, but largely consider it mental clutter which needs cleaning up. Communication on FB is usually dishonest in that it shows only the highlights and low lights, but not a very good overall picture. I ended up unfriending almost everyone except for my family and friends I was actually active with. I just did not need to see about a night of drinking for friends I had not been in contact with for over a decade. It started to seem like a long generic ad for drinking when not managed.

Now, I do not hesitate to unfriend someone if their posts bother me. I prefer this to hiding them as it reduces the mental clutter. I also never mention anything about not drinking and recovery and would immediately delete that post and prevent them from posting on my wall.

ScottFromWI

I created a facebook account several years ago because part of my job is with web development and i work in education, so FB is very popular with students and also used as a marketing tool by our campus.

After a while I decided that personal facebook accounts are really nothing more than a waste of time. Between games, ads and personal drama posted by others, there's not really much usefulness left over. I shut down my account about 2 years ago, and the decision had nothing to do with Alcohol - it was solely based on the fact that it really provides no benefit other than occasional entertainment, and mostly it's just wasting your time.

MIRecovery

I would never mention anything in a public way that I would not want the entire world to know about me forever. My recovery certainly falls into that category

Joe Nerv

Pretty sure the point behind it for most is that it's like picking up 300 phones at the same time. I myself don't know why people feel the need to do that, but I guess it might have something to do with the fact that I grew up before call waiting even existed. Only reason I have Facebook is because its necessary for my career. I'm not a fan of facebook at all.

renaldo

That's a wise course of action. Once it's on the web it's up for grabs. Personally I have an addiction to downloading music, but I never do it in a circumstance where I'm required to give my email address. There's no need. You can just move on to the next undiscovered thing.

And Facebook... whoah I don't even touch that. Who wants to see pics of my dog anyway? And I don't even have a dog.

YEM

I removed anyone that posts about getting high or wasted and trimmed my friends list down to people I actually have regular, real life dealings with. Many of them are in recovery and no one has ever outed my recovery on FB. There is actually an NA pamphlet about using social media and most of us have gone over it.

If someone did post about my recovery I probably wouldnt care as all the people I am friends with already know. I would let the person know that while I am not mad, they still violated my anonymity and someone else may not take it too kindly.

The biggest violation I see often is someone will post on someone's wall "congrats on 2 years!" That may or may not be revealing.

Xune

Solution;

Friend those who don't post pictures of themselves while drinking.

renaldo

Well, these are things that potential employers look at, so I don't want to go there. Plenty of other places to go without being detected if I keep my thinking cap on.

Nonsensical

I enjoy Facebook. I find it entertaining.

Only a handful of people (7 total) know about my problem drinking. They are immediate family, and I don't expect to see anything about it on Facebook.

A few friends will post pictures of themselves drinking, but it doesn't bother me.

If any of my Facebook friends have had a problem with alcohol, I am not aware.