Thekidg

Well this is my first time posting and I'm going to give a bit of background to make it easier for you guys. My name Is Gerard I am 16 and well my dad is an alcoholic. He is also a moody alcoholic and has a thing for being extremely rough, I like to avoid him and so does my mum but he literally drinks a 12-16 pack of cans every single night. He has been doing so for as long as I can remember. I was brought up around alcohol. I was frequently taken to the local pub to watch football matches and seen my alcoholic father and grandfather. My mum doesn't drink she can't stomach it. My mum has a constant fear that I will end up like my dad an alcoholic. I hate the stuff. I can't stomach it makes me feel sick too quickly. So I want to tell him he is an alcoholic because it is affecting my mum, brother and sister who are 6 and 8. It is literally tearing there relationship apart and my mum told me tonight that " She thinks sometimes that she'd be better off alone" As much as I love my dad but I agree with her and I do believe she would be. I was basically brought up by my mum with help from my dad occasionally but he has never been a big influence. He always has a reason not to do something with me. I try to take an interest in the things he likes and it always ends up that I am not good enough and he has no interest in the things I do. I want to tell him and maybe try and make him realise he has a problem and it's hurting me because I care about him and my mum. Any help would be appreciated.

LexieCat

Hi there,

Sorry things are bad at home. While it's OK to tell your dad how you feel about his drinking, it isn't likely to make him change. He has a disease, and until and unless HE wants to change, he isn't likely to listen or accept what you are saying.

You and your mum might get a great deal out of Al-Anon, though. It's a group for family and friends of alcoholics. They don't teach you how to get the alcoholic sober (because there really isn't any way to do that), but they can help you deal with the effects of having to live with it.

Stick around these forums, too--there is a lot of good support here for you, and for your mum, too, if she wants it.

Thekidg

Thanks, just my mum doesn't know about this and I am considering sitting down and talking to her about this, I guess the best thing we can do is help him if he needs it. Just afraid of what might come as recently my grandmother and grandfather split up because he was an alcoholic and as quite a privileged child to have not dealt with this stuff I wouldn't like to see it happen but thanks again i'll make sure to stick around

Recovering2

The hard part is you can't save your Dad. It's his path, and unless he decides to change something and work on sobriety...no one else can make that happen. He won't be guilted or coerced into getting sober. It has to be his decision. We learn the 3 C's in AlAnon: We didn't Cause it, can't Cure it, and can't Control it.

What you CAN do is work on keeping your sanity and staying healthy yourself in spite of your Dad's drinking. Having a heartfelt discussion with your Mother is a great first step in my opinion. You will both get great support at AlAnon, or you may like AlaTeen so you get the support from your peer group. It's okay to detach with love from your Dad. That means you may love him, but you learn to detach from his behaviors. Keep safe boundaries that help you find calm in the chaos.

I'm glad you found this site. Read some of the sticky's at the top of the page, they helped me initially. Keep reading and posting. Hugs to you.