Addictshusband

My wife and I have been married for 25 1/2 yrs and have two grown kids. My wife has been an alcohol/addict basically our whole marriage. She has been to rehab 3 times and the last time was in 2009. She did well after sober-living the last time and continued meetings for a while. This last time she was diagnosed with bi-polar disorder and put her on Seroquil and Trazadone. I did not suspect any use until the last few months and she was pretty intoxicated this past Super Bowl Sunday and so the next morning she admitted she had been drinking again.

I have to admit, I am tired of all of the rehab trips that are a huge financial burden on us, the suicide attempts (3 in the past), cops and ems coming to our apartment because she was drugged and acting out, hospital stays, stealing mine and family members pills, destroying family relationships, lost of trust, job loss, embarrassment, etc. Me, my wife and daughter are all signed up to start counseling this coming week. My daughter and I have attended counseling several times in the past also. My daughter and I have not gone to Al-Anon and don't really plan on it. Individual counseling seems to work best for us.

I am just totally exhausted from years of this and just don't know if I want to go through the rest of my life dealing with this anymore. I have filed for divorce and moved out twice before, but she always talks me back after getting sober temporarily in rehab.

I have just lost all trust since this is the 4th relapse. I'm just tired of going through this and tired of being the caretaker for an alcoholic/addict.

Anyone else ever feel like this?

Hanna

That sounds completely exhausting. I see you have been a member here a long time. All I can say is keep reading and posting. I can definitely understand not wanting to attend meetings but I think the support of a community like SR can be a huge help.

EnglishGarden

Partners in any relationship have very legitimate needs, and if those needs are not being met, the relationship will not survive. They may stay married. But the relationship will be dead, nevertheless.

You have been held hostage to her compulsion and desire to drink for over two decades. In that period of time the focus of most of your thoughts were very likely on her....what will she do next, where is she, is she drinking, how much did she drink, how many pills did she take, how do I explain this, what if she's killed herself while I'm at work, what is she doing to my daughter, what did she say to my friend/neighbor/relative, has she killed anyone on the road......when there is a vortex of chaos in our home, that is where our focus is.

As a result, your connection with yourself, your heart, your emotional desires, your normal needs for intimacy, your growth within genuine relationship, your evolution, your maturing as a man, your talents, your dreams....have all been paralyzed. For over two decades while you wiped up her messes, an adult who should be responsible for herself.

You are a living example of the phrase "alcoholics don't have relationships, they take hostages."

If you are tired of crazy, you can step off the crazy-train. You gave it your all. But your all did not cure her.

Your life--what is left of it--is precious. I hope you choose to live it fully and find out, after all this time, who you are.

marie1960

25 years with an active alkie, will suck the life out of anyone.

I am so sorry that you and your daughter's lives have become consumed with her addiction.

I remember the bittersweet day when I finally had ENOUGH.

Another member here, (M1K) says. " I left, when the pain of staying, was greater than the pain of leaving"

25 years have gone by and what has changed?

Perhaps now is as good of time as any, to shift focus, and start living YOUR life. There truly is nothing you can do for her. If she wants recovery, she will seek in out. If she wants to drink the rest of her life, she can and will. She is an adult, let her figure it out.

Peace, my friend.

Addictshusband

Thank you all so much.

J-Diver

Yes, as a matter of fact my story is similar to yours. Next month will be 27 years of marriage and I also have grown children, but I am done. I recently told my AH that I want a divorce. He is in school and graduates this spring. I told him I will wait until he is done so he can stay on my insurance, but that is it. I have been on this ride way too long and I am getting off.

Numerous factors kept me from telling him I want out, though I have known it for years. I felt guilty and kept thinking something might change. Basically I was afraid to just come right out and say it. Once I was honest and told him, it was the most liberating experience. I am suddenly excited about the future. It is all about me now and I feel like a great burden has been lifted.

Good luck to you. It is a difficult situation.

Recover53

I have similar experience, I had no intenti

Recover53

I have similar experience, I had no intention or need to go to AlaNon, till things got crazier than my wildest nightmares. Then I went out of desparation. WOW! It was great! There were other men who had gone through the same HELL I had. What a relief, they took the time to give me some real nuts and bolts suggestions on how to take care of me. And how to stop trying to help (or fix) her. Friend, please consider investing one hour to an AlaNon meeting.