My mom's an alcoholic
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Thread Starter
Join Date: Feb 2013
Posts: 1
My mom's an alcoholic
I'm 19 years old, and my mom's been an alcoholic for as long as I can remember. I'm latino and latinos are very big social drinkers, and a lot of my family members have had problems with alcohol but never to the degree that my mother has had them. I never really noticed because I spent a lot of time staying with my grandmother who lives near my mom, but I've been staying with my mom on breaks from college and such. Whenever I try to confront her she gets really irritable and sometimes even violent. I remember last year she hit me because I didn't cook something right, and she was of course drunk. I throw out her alchl, and then she gets mad at me for that too.
I'm at my wits end and I'm scared for my mother's health. Should I give her an ultimatum me or the alcohol or what? I honestly don't know what to do .
I'm at my wits end and I'm scared for my mother's health. Should I give her an ultimatum me or the alcohol or what? I honestly don't know what to do .
A work in progress
Join Date: Jul 2010
Location: South Jersey
Posts: 16,633
Hi, there,
Ultimatums don't work with alcoholics. Neither does throwing out the alcohol. Neither, for that matter, does throwing out the alcoholic.
Getting angry doesn't work, reasoning doesn't work.
You didn't cause the alcoholism, you can't control it, and you can't cure it. It's one of the very first, most frustrating, lessons we have to learn, and most of us have to keep learning it over and over again. I think you would benefit a lot from going to Al-Anon, which is a group for family and friends of alcoholics. The focus is not on how to get them sober (because we can't), but rather how we can lovingly detach (which doesn't mean ignore, but it means letting go of our tendency to try to control people and situations) from the alcoholics in our lives.
Hope you will stick around here, too--there is some great support and a lot of wisdom.
Ultimatums don't work with alcoholics. Neither does throwing out the alcohol. Neither, for that matter, does throwing out the alcoholic.
Getting angry doesn't work, reasoning doesn't work.
You didn't cause the alcoholism, you can't control it, and you can't cure it. It's one of the very first, most frustrating, lessons we have to learn, and most of us have to keep learning it over and over again. I think you would benefit a lot from going to Al-Anon, which is a group for family and friends of alcoholics. The focus is not on how to get them sober (because we can't), but rather how we can lovingly detach (which doesn't mean ignore, but it means letting go of our tendency to try to control people and situations) from the alcoholics in our lives.
Hope you will stick around here, too--there is some great support and a lot of wisdom.
Bunnies!
Join Date: Aug 2012
Location: Florida
Posts: 1,905
I'm just going to raise another hand and point to Lexie, since she covered everything I was going to say. You can't do anything to make her stop, as desperately as you want to. Definitely get yourself to Al-Anon, and keep posting here!
Member
Join Date: Jan 2013
Location: delaware, ohio
Posts: 12
Hey, girl. I have lived my life with an alcoholic father. I am 30 now and he finally stopped drinking. Although he almost died from the alcohol withdrawal. He has been in ICU for 21 days now. The biggest lesson I ever learned is that you cannot make anyone do anything. Keep faith and pray for your loved one. Get others to pray too. Joinh Al Anon. Just understand that your mother is ill and fighting a horrible beast inside of her. I hated my dad as a kid bcz I never understood that he had a disease. Now that I am older, I finally get it. I am choosing to be compassionate and understand he is ill. I hope you find some peace in this. It is not an easy battle and is heartbreaking bcz you love your parents so much. I will keep you and your mother in my prayers.
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