Ethos23

That is how I feel. The real me has been erased. The hobbies I love to do, I no longer do. When I take a serious inventory of my life, it is pretty sad. I have become someone I hate and someone that others often dislike for things I do while drinking.

Dee74

I'm sorry to read you're struggling but it's never too late to get the real you back Ethos.

I thought I was erased too - the real me lost forver - but I was still there.
It's not impossible to get the authentic us back, ever.

It always starts with putting down the drink tho.

What's your plan for getting back in recovery - do you have any support besides SR?

D

Sasha4

You can change that if you really want.
It takes a bit of work and effort but it is worth it.

Maybe make a list of all the things you miss doing and all the things you want to do?

I remembered how I loved writing music - as is treble clefs, bars, notes last week. I used to be really talented at it. How did I forget I could do that? That made me feel sad too.

I have things I want to sign up for.

A mosaic class. Learning spanish. I would love to go to choreographed dance classes. I'm looking at hypoxi training too.

I understand your sadness.
But now can be the start of new things!

I also understand the feelings about how others view you.

But hand on heart, from my own experience, people are more likely to forgive when they see a vibrant, full of life, exciting person who exudes happiness replacing a self pitying drunken mess.

Friends, family don't want to ditch you. They want to see you get better.

Take it one day at a time.
Don't look too far ahead.
Get busy.
Get some strong support. You have mine already.

I really do wish you the best.

FBL

I felt much the same way. After nearly 30 years of drinking, my only hobby became getting drunk and I detested myself for it. When I stopped for good, the real me came back in spades. I now find my life filled with all of the activities that I never had time for whilst a full-time drinker. Give yourself a chance and I think you'll find the same thing.

instant

I am now doing things I thought were long past me thanks to sobriety. It is unbelievable. I highly recommend it.

hypochondriac

I felt a bit like that too Ethos. It didn't take long after I quit drinking for the old me to come back though, and I'm talking about the me before I started drinking at 12. Don't get me wrong, I did plenty of stuff in my drinking years but a lot of it was tainted and it didn't really have the joy I felt when I wasn't just doing stuff until I could drink again.

escapist

It doesn't have to stay that way. As long as were still above ground we have a chance. I am starting to like myself again. The longer I stay sober the more I learn about the positive side of me. You will too.

Zebra1275

I know what you mean.

But once I quite drinking for awhile the old "me" begin to reappear. Even better, the old "me" started to evolve into a new and improved "me."

vegibean

Ethos, I related to what your title said and the content of your post. I missed the old me and my severe alcoholism totally took all that away. I got sober and got me back.

I see you've been posting for a while now, how are things going for you otherwise?

Glad you shared.

YouRmySunshine

It is very tough to learn what we have buried for so many years, sober! It will be a work in progress, so I am told! I learn something new/ or relearn something every new day that I am sober. Its scary & exciting all at the same time!

paul99

Great thread, great responses.

This touches me because I too felt that I lost my true self underneath the booze and all the damage it causes. It's taken away all the things I used to love doing. I am now able to jump back into those things. Slowly, but still able to do it and not worry about trying to please anyone or trying to impress. I just do it for me, to reclaim what alcohol stole from me, to reclaim myself and who I was meant to be.

You can do this too - you haven't been erased...you've just been lost in alcohol. As I was.

Ethos23

Thanks for all the kind words. It definately feels good to read others experiences. Sometimes I feel so alone and like my drinking is just "unique" to me.

poppy8888

dont give up

poppy8888

dont give up ,dont loose faith

Hevyn

Welcome Ethos. You are never alone - you have us. We completely get how you're feeling, we've all been there.

You can begin to heal and find yourself again. You are in there! I was numb and foggy for so long, I had to get to know myself again. I'm glad you've joined and are reaching out for a new life.