pattyj

I know the reasons why I end up drinking; happy about something, angry or sad about something. To shut things out that I don't want to deal with. But why do I turn to alcohol? How did that start? Why don't I crave chocolate or exercise or anything else?

Another thought... Why can I only remember the few good hours of drinking and not the 2 days of he** following? I have this great feeling after a couple of shots. It lasts for maybe an hour or two. But then it's downhill from there. A 1/5 of vodka later and all the symptoms of a horrific hangover last for 36-48 hours. My mind seems to block out the latter. Why does the good stay in my mind and not the bad?

doggonecarl

Perhaps you are an alcoholic.

pattyj

Oh I defnitely am. But does anyone else have these thoughts as to why is started in the first place? Or is it just a brain imbalance that was in us from day one?

doggonecarl

Once I accepted I was indeed an alcoholic, I don't believe I thought too much about why...I focused on recovery and putting my alcoholism into remission.

A much better use of my mental energy.

pattyj

Very good point!

whiskeyman

i tried for two years to figure out why i started. how could this have happened to me.
i sought every answer to this riddle.

then i finally hit bottom and decided i dont need to know why i just need to stop.

but AA did help me, discover why i started int he first place.

I had a THINKING problem

pattyj

Hmmm. I think I need to check out this AA thing. Maybe it will give me some answers. It's just hard to go to the first meeting.

bbthumper

I believe in what the Big Book of AA suggests. I have a two fold illness when it comes to alcohol. One part of it is a phenomenon of craving in which when I ingest alcohol, I trigger a craving for more and more and more. At certain times (not every time) I lose control of the amount I drink because I am drinking to satisfy a craving that can not be satisfied. The other part of my illness is the one that really gets me. A mental obsession with alcohol. I could not refrain from drinking on my own will power. I would reach a strange mental blank spot in which all reasons not to drink, ie the hangovers, embarrassment, family, obligations, finances etc. were easily cast aside for the foolish idea that I could handle it or would only have a few.
The Big Book suggests that at certain times we can not remember the pain and suffering we caused with sufficient force to keep us from picking up again.
Ive been free of that obsession for 4.5 years now thanks to AA and the instructions in the Big Book.

Best wishes to you!

soopy99

I don't understand it either. It's not a physical craving, just a semi-regular voice that pops into my head and says "one drink will taste very good and will make you feel great; you don't have to drink more than one, so what's the harm." That voice forgets that it is a major struggle to just have one, and that I usually end up drinking a pint.
Once I get home and there is no alcohol in the house, the voice shuts up. It comes back the next day at 5:00 or so when it knows I will walk by a liquor store and a few bars on my way home from work.

pattyj

That stupid voice. I think it's harder to stop at one or two than it is to not start at all but that doesn't mean that this voice will shut up.

Lost3000

There are some books on this subject, one in particular called the Chemical Carousel. It explains a lot of what you asking, physiological reasons.

And yeah, try a mtg! It's anonymous, and it's not like you have to see them ever again, if you don't want. These are mind games I played with myself to get to my first meeting.

Nonsensical

Rational recovery postulates that the neuro-receptors in your cerebellum (and mine) react very strongly to the pleasure of alcohol. That part of the brain wants more alcohol, and it wants it pretty much all the time. It doesn't know (or care) that if you continue to drink it you'll lose your job, your family, your health, your sanity, and your life. It has identified a stimulus, categorized it as positive and sends a constant signal out telling you to get more of it.

It's like a 2-year-old child who has discovered candy and doesn't understand why it can't have more. It will beg, plead, whine, have a tantrum, negotiate, intimidate - whatever it can do to convince you to give it what it wants. It must be told, "No".

paul99

I don't bother trying to figure out the why - it's like going to a car crash site and trying to find out what radio station was on when the fatal crash occurred - pointless and adds nothing to my recovery.

I too follow what is said in the big book, and as long as I don't put any alcohol in my system, I don't crave.

ScottFromWI

To me it's pretty simple - alcohol used in moderation is fun. It tastes good, makes you feel good and generally enhances the mood/situation. I believe it's human nature to find ways to relax/enjoy yourself.

But alcoholics and problem drinkers can't moderate...so the good feelings are far outweigh by the bad of drinking too much, to often. If we had a concrete answer as to why our brains don't behave like non-problem drinkers, there probably would be a fix...but for now all we can do is not drink.

bunny44

For years I could drink all I wanted and not get 'hungover'. I thought I couldn't be an alcoholic, I was just having some fun then would go to bed and be fine in the am.

And over the years the quantity got larger and larger. And more days than not. I still didn't drink every day so I wasn't an alcoholic. So I kept on. Until I was ingesting liters of vodka or whiskey going to get more and blacking out and passing out.

I think for me is like an obese person and food. I started out average but kept putting so much more in than I should, I stretched the capacity to hold and deal with it. Now I may be permanently altered. But that is ok. Out of the thousand things a day I want or need, this one I just don't have. And one day I won't need it any more.

Nonsensical

While you may never discover the actual 'why', I don't find the time spent wondering 'why' to be wasted. There would be a great deal of utility in knowing. Knowing my enemy as well as possible can only help me defeat it.

In the meantime, however, you have to be as effective as you can be without knowing for sure 'why'. That starts with not drinking, even if you are having an inexplicable craving. Your craving has no hands or mouth. It has to convince YOU to feed it. Don't give in to it. Starve that blasted thing!

Dee74

Hi Patty

I spent a lot of years trying to work out why - it never really got me anywhere, especially when I was still drinking at the time.

I definitely started drinking for clear reasons - to help my anxiety, to 'fit in', to self medicate ailments, to alleviate boredom...

but I liked the effect so much things went pretty quickly from alcohol as aid, to crutch to completely owning me...pretty soon I was drinking for hundreds of reasons most of them not logical...and then, progressing to the next level, drinking for no reason at all but simply to function.

I think my steady intake of alcohol changed me and probably my body chemistry too - I got 'hooked' which is why I craved it, and why I forgot the bad times.

D

ArcticSA

For sure. Two drinks is torture for me. Much easier to have none at all. And I believe ALOT of it(alcoholism) has to do with genetics. It runs in families. Do you have family that also suffers from the disease? Mother,Father,Grandpa, Grandma??

Kza

Yeah but you know deep down that you are not going to have one since you have never had one. I have never understood why anyone WOUlD have one. Why bother?