celticgenes

So, last February 7th, on my way home from work (from which I had just received a layoff notice), I called home to find my son in a panic. He informed me that my A fiance was having a heated argument with his sister over the TV. I asked to speak to the A, only to be told, he's gone, says he's not coming back.

Called the A (for a$$h*l@) who indeed informed me that my 16 year old honor student daughter was a bit@h, he was leaving, and I could find someone else to take care of me, because he did not want to. He'd be by on the weekend for his stuff.

Something inside me just broke, and I said "OK". Actually, something inside me finally started to get FIXED. In between outburst and the weekend, he threatened to let our co-owned home fall into foreclosure, berated me six ways from Sunday, and was an overall di@khead.

Weekend comes and he shows up sober. Oh, except for the pinpoint pupils, careful gait, and fuzzy speech of Vicodin. Wants to know "can I have a kiss? Don't you want to love me any more?" Uh, no and no.

It has been a REALLY hard year, and I thank SR for being here for me. I'm much better. I'm investigating a grief group to go with my Alanon & therapist. I'm almost over him, and all of the heartbreak of lost illusions. Almost, but not quite. 20 years down the wrong road is a long way back.


But I'll be fine. My honor student has been accepted to several colleges. Her brother is navigating his first year of HS well. My dogs are goofy. We are great. Peaceful.

I'm lonely, but that will change as I change. Time only moves forward, and so will I.

Thanks for letting me share.

NewbieJ

You sound like you have made some excellent, healthy changes. Congratulations for having that momentary courage to live YOUR life. Are you truly lonely? Or just in grief?

redatlanta

I would rather be lonely than miserable any day of the week!

Congrats on a year of peace!

pattyG

CG,

Congrats! You have done a great job and something so hard...as you know. Thank you fro giving us that are new in the process hope. Hope that there is life after this Hell with them, that the feelings do morph and fade in time. That there is happiness.

LexieCat

There is NO lonely like living with an alcoholic.

Sungrl

Thank You. I don't know why I can't let go and not look back. I second guess myself constantly. I hope in 1 year I can write a post just like yours.

Patsfan

Good for you! So happy you are in a better place.

celticgenes

Thanks for all of the good wishes. I am lonely and still processing my grief. But NOT as lonely as I was trying to live both sides of a dysfunctional relationship.

Some days are good, some I backslide. But I am getting better. Had a stressful day, away from home, and resisted the urge to call the A. Yay!

Truly my best to all who still struggle, the addicted and those of us who tried to love them.

Anon12

Thanks for your post and giving some of us a little behind you some hope and faith.

dandylion

:ghug3:ghug3:ghug3:ghug3Dear celticgenes

sincerely, dandylion