Wendles

Hi everyone

I'm not sure why I haven't visited here.. I have read so many websites & recovery stories... BUT I have never been here! I am here because, of course, alcohol is ruining my life. I used to do a lot with my life - but now I'm reclusive and paranoid. I drink in secret... hoping none of my friends or relatives will find out. In some instances I've been caught out (not at my lowest points as usually then i am asleep or the doors are locked). Not one of my friends or relatives have said "you need help" because I've been so good at covering my tracks and hiding this from them with a few pieces of chewing gum & a smiley face, or being asleep. The reality is, with my educational background & my cheerful persona my friends & family hesitate - they wonder, & then they think 'oh she's pushing the boundaries but she has the sense to tell us she's not coping so of course she'll be grand!' I don't know why I do it! I go a few days without drinking & then I tell myself - just 1 or 2 drinks, & then no more, you'll be fine. However 5-10 drinks later I'm a mess, and the guilt & shame overwhelms me because it happens repeatedly! I say I'm going to stop but the power of this addiction is more than I can handle on my own - obviously. I know i need to get sober - for my health & also my family. I'm worried about going to AA because I live in a small town. I know that's no excuse but I just can't seem to do it. I'm happy to go it alone (again) but I need support of others who know this addiction & this is why I am here. I figure that one day I may need to go to AA - but I want to try with alternative thoughts and self help. Can this be done? Thanks! Wendles

Impurrfect

((Wendles)) - though alcohol wasn't my "thing", I totally relate. I was a nurse, doing great, then fell into opiate dependence. Got a grip on that, met someone who introduced me to crack, and eventually hit my bottom.

It doesn't matter how smart we are, how much we "know better". We are human, and we can give in to the numbing facture.

SR has been a huge part of my recovery, and I'm glad you're here. I recommend you read around...pretty sure you will find "your story" in several other places

Hugs and prayers,

Amy

Smidge

Hi Wendles,
Alcoholism is a lonely place and even lonelier if you do not have anyone to confide in or turn to for help. I heard once that we are only as sick as our secrets, and it is true. Not that by telling everyone you have a problem will "cure" you, but by reaching out to those whom love you and have always been there for you, when you have allowed, will really help you on your journey in recovery. I live in a small town and am married to a very well-known business man in the community.... I was so freaked out and determined that no one in the town find out that I am an alcoholic. That would be just the end of my "pretend-a" perfect life. Once I "got over" myself and opened up to those I trusted, I was amazed by the positive support I was given. Even through failed attempt after failed attempt...after....well you get the point...those people are still there cheering me on! I was also freaked about AA...OMG...I am going to be seen walking into that building..I have to socialize with those people! I was amazed once I walked through the doors as to who was in there...alcoholism does not discriminate....I had something in common with every one of those people.
Baby steps....
I am here if you ever need to chat....take care of yourself...

Dee74

Hi Wendles

reaching out was absolutely crucial for me - I had to drop the act, admit my problem, and ask for help and support.

Some people do that with family - for others of us, for various reasons, that's not an option - but you'll find a lot of support here

I can also give you a list of recovery programmes including but not limited to 12 step programmes if you're interested

welcome aboard
D

Lunetta

Hi Wendles and welcome. I was a secret drinker too, pretty much only my husband and parents knew i had a problem but no one said much about it. Once I started getting honest with a few people I trust a huge weight was lifted off of my shoulder and being on the SR forum helped me to realize I am not alone. I was also wary of attending AA but I've been to one meeting so far and i was scared leading up to the meeting but once it started I realized all of these people have the same exact problem as me. There are other programs available I haven't looked into yet that you can find on this site. I stopped drinking January 1 and I am so much happier than I was while still drinking. There's nothing to be paranoid about anymore either!

hypochondriac

Gosh Wendles, you sound just like me. My drinking was entirely secret and no one knew. I also didn't want to go to AA so this site was a massive help to me, providing the support from other alcoholics in recovery which I really believe has got and kept me sober. It might be worth checking out AVRT (Rational Recovery) or just reading up on recovery literature. The Big book of Alcoholics Anonymous is a really useful book to read and is available free online, even if you never go to a meeting. Or posting in one of the 'Class of...' threads...

Glad you're here x

YouRmySunshine

Hello & welcome to a wonderful group!
I know I tried this sober thing before... on my own, didn't work well, except I learned how to lie, sneak, steal what ever it took to get that next drink!
Thankfully this time I was ready for real help, including treatment, AA meetings, and this site! The more you share, the more you will get back out of this. God Bless, & Just for today, be proud of yourself for reaching out!