MadameX

I dont know if you know who you are until you lose who you are... I lost my balance and myself. Trying not to drown. Trying to remember the last 3 years of my daughters lives, it comes in small flashes. Im sober but living in my own private pergatory. I was ok for a few weeks but now Im feeling so hopeless. looking back at all my failures and failed relationships which is what got me here. Its pathetic how did I let this happen to me, God help me help myself.

MIRecovery

We never have to be that person again and we have a life time to make the world a better place. Being sober is the start to our journey

Nonsensical

If you're sober, then you ARE helping yourself. We can't make a better past, but we can make a better future.

Dee74

we can't do anything about the past MadameX but we can do a lot about today - and you're doing that

Try not to beat yourself up too much - you're turning things around

D

Sasha4

In time you will realise and see things differently.

I know I spent a lot of time regretting the past and reliving traumatic events.

I felt a fool, a failure, a bad person.

I don't feel that way today.
I feel that I was gripped by something horrid, a substance that is seen as harmless and fun. But to me it was not harmless or fun.

After investing time on myself, working hard and examining the way I deep down knew was a better way of life, today I am proud of myself.

Don't punish yourself.
Punish alcohol by never letting it have that hold on your life again.

YouRmySunshine

Just because you can't unbreak something, doesn't mean it can't be fixed. Peace! Stay strong, Stay Sober!

sugarbear1

try to start now and focus on this moment and make it a really great moment...

glad you're sober today!

FreeFall

It is hard to look back and see our mistakes, roads not taken, consequences of our actions while drinking. I think we all do that, and it's easy to beat ourselves up over it and feel overwhelmed.

You are sober, and that's the best thing you can do for your daughters right now. Take pride in that. I don't know how old they are, but you could make a memory book together with what everyone remembers and it might make you feel better to think of the good times. You might be surprised by their answers too.

This quote is a good one...

"If you are depressed, you are living in the past. If you are anxious, you are living in the future. If you are at peace, you are living in the present.

paul99

We don't get sober to live in a self-made purgatory. We get sober to live a happy, prosperous life. It's natural to think back at the things we did or didn't do. And there has to be healing in that before we can truly move on. But self-flagellation isn't going to help heal. Recognizing what we did is useful and helps to look at ourselves, and we do what we can to repair the damage (in AA, amends) and then we get to a point of self-forgiveness and the chance to move on. Your daughters lives might have been in fragments for you in the past, but they are in technicolor, big sound now. You can take it in now, all of it. So do it.

too.tall

That's a great photo. Glad you are here.

Spinach

Yeah, MadamX, but what a future awaits once you put down the past with all it's guilt and look ahead, we are not here for that long make every day count.
Your daughters want fun today not yesterday, go on keep going your doing so much give your self a break .
My emotions still bounce around but I have understanding that without drinking thing surface so much quicker.
Carpe diem.
John.

MadameX

My daughters are 9 and 11. My oldest especially has grown up way to fast. Waking me up mornings because they were late to school and being the last ones to get picked up because i was drunk. I can see the resentment in her eyes and the regret consumes me. I feel such shame, i feel they are so much better without me, they have an amazing supportive father who i thank god for everyday. He wants to take them but they dont want to leave me. I guess they do love me unconditionally, i need to learn to forgive myself.

Sorry for being so negative i just need to vent what i cant to anyone in my physical life.

I thought id share this. " you dont make progress by standing on the sidelines, whimpering and complaining. You make progress by implementing ideas" motivation for the day :-)