deeker

I was thinking about the movie Shawshank Redemption, amazing movie .

About a guy falsely arrested for a murder and put away for good .

But how he didn't allow them to steal that part inside of him, the freedom, that hope, the music, the good memories .


Being free is a state of mind and heart .

I was in jail for the 7th and last time 7 yrs ago and I remember the guards called for everyone to go out to the courtyard and no one wanted to go out .

So I sat out there by myself singing worship songs to the Lord I had remembered from 20 yrs earlier and the sun came up on my face and I never felt such peace in my life .

I felt full inside for the first time in years . It was the first time I had actually called on God in years except for those desperate get me out of this and i will never do this again prayers .

And I was completely aware of his presence . I wish i could say I stayed sober after that but I had to do a bit more research .

Today I really do feel at peace most every day . My reliance on God is the most important part of my recovery program .

I am free from alcohol and drugs but I am also free from worry, free from getting caught up in petty disturbances .

I am learning to turn things over so much more quickly today .Because I have tasted peace and freedom and I am not willing to give it up today .

I have this attitude like is this worth giving up my peace for? Usually it is not .

I believe you can find peace wherever you are but I don't think i will ever find it if I am drinking and using. I do believe that blocks me off from the spirit of God .

But I don't believe it blocks me forever, whenever I want to put him before my booze and drugs, I feel that peace again almost immediately .

See i believe God wants us to put his reliance on him not on alcohol and drugs and I think he uses our bad choices and consequences to make us realize our need for him .

That is why alcohol and drugs don't work for long . That is why material stuff doesn't work for long. that is why money and sex doesn't work for long . The good feelings from all these things fade very quickly .

Because that whole we try to fill inside with all this other stuff was meant For God . Today except for a few to many chocolate chip cookies now and then, I am saving that space for God. He is filling that whole with something that lasts .

Thanks