bigsombrero

A couple of old friends are meeting up tomorrow after work and they asked if I wanted to join. I was quite happy to be asked - since I haven't seen much of them since I've gotten sober 7 months ago. However, they asked if I wanted to meet up at a restaurant that also serves as a "happy-hour" style joint.

I accepted the invite, but I have not been out in a crowded drinking type atmosphere in a long time. I told one of my buddies I might not stay that long because I'm going slow when it comes to places like this. Was I over-sharing with him? Maybe I am also being a bit of a pussycat here? It's just grabbing some food with friends. I feel like I bring my sobriety into everything with these guys and I wish I didn't.

Any thoughts on how to deal with old friends like this? These friends have been great to me for a long time, but now I'm having trouble fitting back in to the mix.

Received

I'm not sure what program you are working, if any.

Because of that, I am going to say if you think there is ANY chance you might drink, any itsy bitsy chance at all, don't go.

bigsombrero

Thank you. There is no way I will drink, I am sure of that. These friends of mine are aware I have attended treatment.

Received

I would try and not to over think it. If you feel a bit awkward..well..you feel a bit awkward, lol.

I think it's great your friends are so supportive.

TheEnd

Go have a good time and don't over think the situation. If you were going to hang out in a bar, that would be different. You're going to grab a bite to eat. You're telling me you haven't been in a restaurant in 7 months? Nobody said that getting sober meant you had to cut yourself off from the rest of the world. If by any chance you feel uncomfortable, then you could always leave.

My best advice is to consider yourself "a non drinker" this a different then "somebody not drinking". Understand the difference? Once you understand the difference, situations like these will be no problem.

Pixienottipsy

If they are really your friends everything will be ok. If you become very uncomfortable you can do what you have already planned, and just leave. Good luck!

Rose123

I have the same situation coming up tomorrow. A couple good friends of mine that I haven't seen in awhile are having a birthday happy hour. This will be my first weekend of not drinking since I can remember. I think I'm going to go, I know I won't drink. I hope to enjoy myself but will probably exit early. Actually, I'm still on the fence about going. I'm all over the place right now!

doggonecarl

I would caution you. This is a little different than bigsombrero's situation, with 7months sober. This is your first sober weekend you say. Being invited to a planned drinking event. Alarm bells...

Going to something like this is a mistake many newcomers make, as they don't have a plan to deal with the challenges and then they relapse.

Again, be careful what you do.

Xune

I have turned down five invitations from co-workers to meet after work for drinks at a nearby pub.

I don't drink any more and for now, I'm just making a serious effort to avoid bars.

Have I missed out on anything?

Frankly, no.

bigsombrero

Thanks Xune - in fact I might opt out. I do have an appointment downtown at 2pm with a therapist and after that's over I might just take the train home and avoid the "happy hour" scene. I know it will be loud and there will be a lot of people drinking beer - that is for certain. Why put myself through that? Just to prove a point? And what point is that, anyway?

The only reason I thought to go was to just see my old friends, but maybe I'm best in keeping to coffee shops and breakfasts for now. I need to keep my mind on sobriety. Being in a bar just doesn't feel right, even if it's "normal" to them....

Dee74

My true friends understood that a bar was not the best place for me to be and when we wanted to meet up we made alternative arrangements.

Now, even tho a bar is just another building to me, we all prefer not meeting in the pub

D

Dee74

I hope you chose not to go Rose.

It's up to you of course, but I'd caution you not to bite off more than you can chew too soon.

I don't think any of us really has any business being around Happy Hours in early recovery.

Rose123

Before I even checked in on here, I e-mailed my friend and told her I quit drinking. I told her I don't mind if they do but I would like to go to dinner and not sit at a bar. I told her (since it's not MY birthday), if she wants to get together some other time, that's cool too!

FreeFall

You have to know your own limits. If you're feeling in the least bit tempted it's probably best to skip it. Definitely have an exit strategy if you go and then feel it's creating a threat to your sobriety. I've been out with friends quite a bit, but I find I have a really short attention span for the bar these days. It's boring, loud, and feels like a literal waste of time. I visit and catch up with them, and then leave. I haven't missed out on anything at all.

bigsombrero

I agree with you 100% on the bar thing. There are a few restaurants around here that kind of turn into bars at 5pm each night. I've been to a few of them, and I have to agree - I have absolutely no patience for the scene. I have a low tolerance for the loud music and overall crowded feel, it's just not interesting or entertaining.

I told my friends I'd rather meet them for breakfast next weekend. I will get together with them then. For now I am just going to avoid the scene. I don't feel tempted, but why even take that chance?

paul99

It might be a reflection of my own limited social life, but I am of the opinion that people can and do meet in other places other than pubs and bars and still have a good time. I don't feel that those in early sobriety should be dangerously testing the waters of a bar or pub, especially if that is where the majority of their drinking associations are. I say that because I myself made sure I didn't put myself in an situations like that early on and I have seen guys go back out on a seemingly short and friendly jaunt for "coffee" at the local pub.

I recall having a month or two and was out and about in a somewhat desolated part of the city. I was early for something and hungry. There wasn't much choice, but I ended up going to a pub for a burger. We all know pubs make good burgers, right? And they have really comfy seats and good music, right? It's just a burger. I sat down, and looked at the sparse noon customers, all alone, hands on pints and just staring mindlessly at the TV's. It smelled like stale beer and it was dingy. Why was I there in the first place? I think it was for the vicarious thrill of it. As soon as I recognized that, I bolted. Not safe.

Just be careful. There is always next time. My sobriety is more important than a few wounded feelings.

jennikate

Sounds like a good decision. I protect my sobriety over anything. I have been to similiar situations with no problems. But then, I didn't drink in bars much...mostly my bedroom. Hard to avoid that-ha! One time when I was about 5 months sober, my dh and I walked into an unfamiliar place for a quick lunch. Immediately, I could see it was an establishment such as the one Paul describes above. I pivoted and exited right away. More because it was kinda depressing seeing lonely guys at the bar drinking at noon. So, in other words, I think it is good to respect your own limits and it sounds as if you do. Congrats for putting your sobriety first.