That Stubborn Urge...
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Join Date: Aug 2012
Location: San Diego
Posts: 611
That Stubborn Urge...
So yesterday I went to see some friends of mine who live just outside of an area where I used to score most of my drugs. I thought nothing of it, they are good people and sober so it wasn't like I was hanging with "lower companions" or people who drink and use. The strange thing was, on my way home I took a detour by my dealers old house. It's actually not a house, I should correct myself, it's an abandoned garage he used to squat in at night and use as a shady mechanic shop during the day. It's a terribly dark, dingy, dangerous area of a bad part of town and I don't know why I went that way at all. I don't know what I was thinking or what I would have done of he was there. I didn't even get close enough to see if he was around or not, I didn't stop, I didn't call his old phone numbers or anything but why did I have to go by the place to take a look? It scares me. It was a very unconscious thing. I didn't think to myself, "we'll if he's there I'll stop and chat" or "I hope he's around so I can score something" - I didn't want to get high. At least I'm pretty sure I didn't. It was a fine day overall and I would like to think that there's no chance that is throw almost 90 days away over a couple hits. Plus I'm pregnant and I'm almost sure I couldn't fathom doing that to my baby... But **** old habits die hard. Any thoughts?
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Join Date: Aug 2003
Location: Dancing in the Light
Posts: 61,476
Good for you for taking care of yourself and your baby-to-be.
I do think it's true that the addict part of our brain can take over in an instant. The fact that you were 'near' the area where you used to get drugs was enough to get your addict mind working overtime. For me, it was music. Out of the blue, I would hear a song, and my mind would be off and running searching for alcohol.
I do think it's true that the addict part of our brain can take over in an instant. The fact that you were 'near' the area where you used to get drugs was enough to get your addict mind working overtime. For me, it was music. Out of the blue, I would hear a song, and my mind would be off and running searching for alcohol.
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Join Date: Dec 2012
Location: Melbourne Australia.
Posts: 3,748
Originally Posted by BabyJane 
So yesterday I went to see some friends of mine who live just outside of an area where I used to score most of my drugs. I thought nothing of it, they are good people and sober so it wasn't like I was hanging with "lower companions" or people who drink and use. The strange thing was, on my way home I took a detour by my dealers old house. It's actually not a house, I should correct myself, it's an abandoned garage he used to squat in at night and use as a shady mechanic shop during the day. It's a terribly dark, dingy, dangerous area of a bad part of town and I don't know why I went that way at all. I don't know what I was thinking or what I would have done of he was there. I didn't even get close enough to see if he was around or not, I didn't stop, I didn't call his old phone numbers or anything but why did I have to go by the place to take a look? It scares me. It was a very unconscious thing. I didn't think to myself, "we'll if he's there I'll stop and chat" or "I hope he's around so I can score something" - I didn't want to get high. At least I'm pretty sure I didn't. It was a fine day overall and I would like to think that there's no chance that is throw almost 90 days away over a couple hits. Plus I'm pregnant and I'm almost sure I couldn't fathom doing that to my baby... But **** old habits die hard. Any thoughts?
You've hit 90 (not years) keep on track and keep away from dark dudes and dirty places. Dirty deed,done dirt cheap?
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Join Date: Apr 2007
Location: Australia
Posts: 211,384
Hi Jane
That urge can really take over in an instant...we really do need to be vigilant.
The worst urge for me was the one that said I don't want to score I just want to 'have a look'...
Sober me looks at that statement now and doesn't even know what that means.
The important thing tho is, you didn't stop
D
That urge can really take over in an instant...we really do need to be vigilant.
The worst urge for me was the one that said I don't want to score I just want to 'have a look'...
Sober me looks at that statement now and doesn't even know what that means.
The important thing tho is, you didn't stop
D
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