ddrayer

So after 32 days sober, I failed. The last 3 days have been a drunken nightmare. A bottle a day for the last 3 days. Anyway back to a meeting tonight. Its very humbling starting over again and it seems even more daunting this time. A month seems terrifying and endless.

bbthumper

Glad you're back. Glad you're going to a meeting. If you learned something your bender may have been worth it as the Big Book suggests.

Dust yourself off and redouble your efforts. What was your program lacking when you went back out?

ddrayer

I had some family issues which I used as an excuse to not go to meetings

bbthumper

Sounds like the lesson has been learned. I would recommend that you dig into the action of the program. Commit to a life without booze. We live life one day at a time, but its okay to say "Im done for good." Find yourself a sponsor if you havent already and get those steps done. Your life will improve drastically. Guaranteed. Hang in there!

Fandy

How is your sister doing after surgery? I remember that she was seriously injured by your dog and the amount of stress you were under, then you disappeared.

I'm sorry that you relapsed but you can stop this now. please keep posting and get yourself back on track with your program.

don't let the drinking continue, it is not helping anything.

ddrayer

Fandy. Thank you and I agree. She is doing much better but there is still a long road for her.

ddrayer

Fandy also I don't know why but that post just struck me. I did a month and was working hard at sobriety. I will be okay if I just return to the good habits and tools that I developed over that period. Alcohol is definitely cunning though. Very disappointed in myself but I can do this I hope.

Elisabeth888

Thank you for sharing that. I need to hear it because I felt like drinking.

You know what to do. Get back on the horse and carry on! I am rooting for you.

MIRecovery

You do not have to stay sober for a month. You have to stay sober today and that is all. Go to a meeting everyday and do not drink inbetween. It has worked for me

Fandy

I'm not an AA person so i cannot advise you there, but your program works for you and you have tools and FTF support. SR is open 24/7..vent away and post instead of drinking.

of course you feel bad and guilty, you are human, you had horrific mental trauma..but it was an ACCIDENT..not intentional. at 32 days newly sober, it is hard to deal with.

You drank for 3 days and you cannot change that. the good thing is that you came back here, you do not want to stay in the old pattern of drinking to cope. The new healthy pattern can grow stronger.

bad stuff happens to good people all the time..it's upsetting and plays with your head. take a deep breath, get a shower and put yourself back together, be grateful that 3 days will NOT turn into 4-5-6- a week of drinking. You know better and you want to get back to good sobriety, whatever it takes.

artsoul

I agree with Fandy.... try not to dwell on the negative and give yourself a few days to get through the aftermath. You'll feel so much better about everything - including yourself - once you get past the withdrawal period.

One day at a time, one foot in front of the other - you'll get there!

ddrayer

Thanks just really down on myself today but I know a huge part of that is just the alcohol still built up in my system.

applecake

Drayer, I'm so glad you are back! You've been on my mind. I agree with Fandy and ArtSoul--don't be too hard on yourself. This has been an emotional rollercoaster, but it was an accident. Be kind to yourself, and until you can love yourself, let us love you! Please keep posting!

YouRmySunshine

Glad your heading to your meeting tonight. & admitting to your self that you liked yourself better sober.

Pondlady

drayer,
I just read your earlier thread about your sister and dog, as I somehow missed it earlier. It really is a lot to deal with in early sobriety, so please don't be so hard on yourself. Keep it simple,, good food, rest and some exercise. Don't think about a month, just take things slowly.

Please keep in touch with us.

Dee74

it's good to have you back ddrayer

D

Anna

It's really important to be able to forgive yourself and to learn and move on. All the negative emotions associated with a relapse can so easily bring you down again. I'm glad you're back.

ddrayer

Thanks pond. I am trying to do just that. Just the same habits I used to get to 32 days. Its weird how quickly just everything flew out the window. Like only a couple days of drinking and my mind was right back to being a mess again after gaining so much peace. lots and lots of anxiety right now. I think thats primarily a short term withdrawal thing that I have heard many complain about.

Hevyn

Hi ddrayer - Add me to the list of those happy to see you back. You're trying again, that's the main thing. Be kind and patient with yourself as you get through this challenging time.

You were thrown off course by those awful events, and that's not surprising. I'm proud of you for coming back and telling what happened. You've learned something valuable through this. Now you'll be even more determined to go for a sober life.

ddrayer

You guys are amazing. Thank you all for being great and supportive. It was odd that I didn't drink when things were really bad but as soon as my sister was out of the hospital and back staying at my house, I guess I let all the stress that I had been dealing with hit me in one crushing blow and I just crumbled. I got pretty sick and my solution to having a cold was to go out and drink my face off. A very odd logic.