eyespy

Hi all,

I am in the very early stages of an out patient drug/alcohol recovery program. After 15 years of using both drugs and alcohol, realised my life was pretty dysfunctional..and hit a crisis point. Funny in retrospect I thought I had it all sorted, and any problems were always other peoples

The biggest issue I am struggling with is my moods, and my emotions...they sway back and forth...and when I have to deal with any stress, or unexpected emotional dynamic with others struggle and at times feel overwhelmed. I know I am not crazy...but find the vulnerability and rawness of it all quite hard going at the moment.

When someone asks me recently, ‘well is it all worth it..what you doing...is your life better’

I have to say right at this point, it is hard to feel like it is better..certainly not spending as much money..but emotionally hate feeling these things..just want to feel happy and some sense of purpose.
...in the past my drug of choice as done this ..or at least given me a sense of being ok.


Are these feelings normal, does this sound familiar to anyone ?

How have others handled this ?

DIYman

Welcome to SR Eyespy.

I can only speak for the alcohol bit, but my emotions were all over the place for the first week or two. It certainly didn't feel any different/better to when I was drinking!

I also felt very lost in who I was and what I stood for, bit of a loss of identity. I started a thread on this, if you search my posts you'll find it (sorry I'm not sure how to link to past threads)

The surprising thing is just a week or two both the moods/feelings and the identity thing are so much better.

rockindog

On day 9 here and really wanting a taste. I find myself moody/grumpy and wanting to be left alone. I am busy at work now so that takes a bunch of time, but after that, pretty much a crab to be around. I guess 20 years won't resolve itself in 9 days. Hang in there.

Sazzle

I too can only speak for alcohol but I was out of sorts for at least 6 weeks. My vision got worse, I had seasick feelings, was clumsy and bashed into things. I had to check myself before reacting to anything as my emotions were so raw. In answer to your friend, it will be worth it, but it may take 1 week or so for every month/year you were abusing. I don't think we can undo the damage overnight.

Those raw emotional spells still happen to me but the gaps between are getting longer.

S x

janiebluebird

You're going through a major change. Your brain is adjusting chemically and even socially. Try to form new habits, such as working out. That will make you feel good.

PippoRossi

It was really new to me to deal with all the emotions sober. It was definitely easier to just dull them by drinking (in my case). I think you will find the longer you are sober, the easier it will get for you. Sometimes it sucks having to deal with life head on, but in the end you will love having a clear head to sort things out.

kizzy40

Wow eyespy thankyou, was about to post something eerily similar tonight.
Like you I have kicked a 15yr habit and today I feel like I wish I hadn't bothered, on a major downer.
I know it's temporary, and I hope this mood passes real quick for you too, but it helps to know there is someone who is feeling like this and i'm not alone.

SIPD

My moods are recently all over the map as well.....im at about 40 days or so seem to have lost count....today was one of those blah days....my AV screaming at me.....its 8pm and Ive made it.....totally understand your emotions and moods.....

sugarbear1

Have you asked your group in the IOP program these things? Support begins in person and asking for help and following through....

Yes, I was an emotional wreck in early recovery until I found a new solution. Very typical, but still ask those people and get honest with them....

ReadyAndAble

Welcome to SR, eyespy.

I went through that for sure— total roller coaster. I took my then-6-year-old daughter to see Tangled, and started tearing up in the theater. A man in his 40s, with no adult history of crying during cartoons. Yep, that was me.

It's all perfectly normal, healthy even. I'd second everything janiebluebird said. It'll pass. Until then, I'd recommend sticking with war movies and westerns...

As for wanting a sense of purpose, well again, I think that's a healthy, normal desire. Some people find it in volunteer work, some in relationships, others in art or music, religion or philosophy, sports, you name it... I think it's up to each of us to find it. And I don't mean us in recovery; I mean us humans, all of us. You could almost look at that desire for purpose as a kind of awakening, you know? I remember a lot of moments like that, thinking, "Whoa, so this is what life is like... "

Quitting didn't solve all my problems, but it was a crucial first step. Give yourself time—and congrats on what you've already achieved!

junk33

Im at 23 days ,things are slowly getting better, I was all over the place as well,It didnt help that this month im struggling with a very difficult month financially , but i can see a lite at the end of the tunnel. First 3 days were worst then till about day 12 it was up and down ,now its basically just wanting to be alone , sluggish, still having sleep problems but being able to get up and go to work without having a hangover or not waking up in front of the TV with dogs licking your face at 3 am is priceless..Iam not ready to do many activities quite yet, still content at being a sober vegetable ,but im sure the time will come when new interests will come and the old drunk hobbies will be a distant memory

ReadyAtLast

I'm alcohol only too. for me, I felt better after about 2 weeks but then had up and down days. I noticed a real shift at about 45 days where the good days noticeably outnumbered the bad. What you are experiencing is normal and it really does get better

instant

I was really raw for a good while. My emotions settled over six months, during that time all sorts of ups and downs occurred. In some ways I think I am still adjusting and growing. I have come to the view that I needed to get my emotions on an even keel, now I have to learn how to work with them.

eyespy

WOW..thanks everyone for the support and advice...it certainly makes me feel normal in a wonderful abnormal way...being around others who are similar is so helpfull

I do work out and find exercise really helpful. Using my own body's "feel good drugs" to feel better and release energy, anger and find some grounding.

I am also starting to understand that being in any sort of relationship at this time, is just suicidal...I have heard it, my case worker says it..everywhere you read it...don't attempt any sort of relationship as this only amps up the emotions. This has been another reason for my intense emotional ride, connecting with someone on a romantic level...wrong choice ..but put a end to this recently also.

I really need to just take myself seriously...and focus on what I need to do...and be emotional on my own without trying to deflect or distract those feelings by the use of other drug type behaviour (relationship, lust, love, sex)

Whilst it is hard at times, I am calmer and more grounded when I am working on the things I need to do for me...it just feels quite indulgent.

The out patient program is so good..funny I thought I knew everything about anything..but humble..as I know nothing about anything...

This really is a journey ...just have to let go and walk it, feel it...and learn a new way of living, feeling and being

bemyself

I just love junk33's phrase 'sober vegetable'.....hahahaha, brilliant!!!