Shinebright

Hello every1..
Got to say what a genuine lovely mixed bunch on here, felt welcome just reading through the various posts.

So I guess I'm in that place I've read a few mention..the am I or am i not an alcoholic?

I can say for sure that bingeing on fri or sat with friends was the norm for years. The circles of friends varied & i wasnt by any stretch the worst. But i done & said things i felt so ashamed of, cringed & regretted so badly. Not as an excuse but the culture here deems it largely as normal, it's just what's done when we in our 20s head out at the weekend. We used to all discuss how we binged, almost like it was the norm & accepted.

As times passed I don't club as much & most friends are settled with family etc. my road was different I got a job that had me working away at sea for 2 weeks then off for 3 at home. That's when I think things changed.

I'm not the most confident socially/talking (steadily grown tho I must admit) so on the 3 weeks off I went traveling alone & for extra boost of confidence on some evenings & occasional day times i would drink. & then the weeks @ home when not away I had a boyf who on reflection wasn't any good for me, we drank a lot together probably 3/4 nights a week not often pretty. But I thankfully walked away from him after 3 years. (10 months ago)

There's a lot more i could add but I'm attempting to be brief.

So basically after last weekend I became aware that my thoughts when drunk can just be bizarre sometimes. More so in the last 2years. So I started to google what was pretty unrelated to this site then bingo here I am. The guy I'm seeing has commented on my drinkn, mentioned i need to control. He's not a drinker...

Ive stopped that job & now full time working onshore for ~ a year. & I ve got into a habit of drinking 1-4 nights a week. usually 1 of them alone with 1 btl of wine. More on a wkend. There has a good few blackouts in there. (They were always when emotionally confused... ex pestering when he was drunk/unsure of the new relationship) the rest varied from slight buzz, happy drunk, etc. also noticed my drunkiness & drunk place is directly affected by the ppl I'm with. I've also missed 3 days work due to hangovers.

So after reading through posts since sat I decided to not drink this week (day 4, cant say im really missing it) then wait until fri and have a sensible amount with a planned meal & consciously stay in control before & after the meal as my "test" & all going well just keep it that way.

I guess I want to put it in writing & see if I ever have to come back. Almost like documenting it as proof to myself either way.

My dad was a chronic alc, very nasty with it too. I watched his progression downward then mum was forced to leave him. in the last 22 years I seem him a handful of times..he died 3 years ago because of the drink, alone & un noticed for 3 days. & i believe his cousin was a para scizhiod, think drink involved too.i am aware of the genetic side of things so I'm acutely aware I need to tread carefully. Here's hoping I can clear things up through here.

Apologies for the ramble & length..thats me keeping it brief Almost feels like I've too much to tell. Strange as I normally keep it all in.

Thanks for reading & any comments appreciated.
Good luck to all in your own journeys.

Coldfusion

Those few words say so much about your hopes for the future!

I think you'll find that most of us who stick around here don't drink at all.

LadyinBC

Hi Shinebright!

Welcome to SR. I couldn't control my drinking at all by the end. I hope you keep posting!

FatallyUncool

Welcome to SR, Shinebright. There is a lot of honesty in your post and it is good that you are considering these issues.

A lot of us have set up tests to try to answer this same question. There are some warning signs in your post, but you must be the one to interpret them, and decide how to act on them. Be honest with yourself and keep posting.

There is a lot of support here.

DIYman

Hi Shinebright,

About 20 years ago binge drinking one night of the weekend as part of a big social group was part of my social scene for many years, either Tiger Tiger in Leicester Square or a pub in Ealing. It I overdid it I wouldn't touch alcohol for a month, never even thought about it. Never drank at home or alone.

Since then the amount and frequency has crept up on me really slowly, where I was drinking around the weekly limit spread over 4-5 nights a week. Most importantly it was becoming a struggle to keep it under control. I'd got it back down to 4 days booze-free a week such that I was drinking Thur/Fri/Sat only, but with quite a bit of effort. (My hangovers were also getting a lot lot worse)

My partner began to worry about my drinking, noticed that occurred to you too. I took that as a warning sign. Along with the hangovers and the struggle for control and a few other reasons, I decided to give it a full month (Jan 2013) - give the liver a rest, reduce anxiety levels, clear the fog, and most importantly judge how addicted I was.

It was not easy. I'm 99% sure I will never drink again.

peanut44

I drank with my friends almost every weekend and probably ever other weekend until i was in my mid to late 20s.

At that point in life, i would never have dreamed of taking ANY kind of pain pill. I was scared to death of them. Until i took the first one. I spent the most part of the next 15 years, trying to get that feeling back.

I'm not sure exactly the day i knew i was an addict but if i had to question myself about it, that in itself was a red flag for me.

I think we all have to figure it out in our time. Being honest with yourself is key i think
keep posting!!