time4me2quit

I graduated from High School in 1975. I partied a lot, but did not think I was addicted because I took care of my kids, held jobs, etc., and when I didn't have cash to spare for it, I did without with little to no adverse affects. Alcohol, coke and speed produced personal behaviours I did not like and I put those away. I did continue smoking marijuana (when available) until 1991, when I put that down. About 2 years ago, I became aware of the "legal synthetic marijuana" during a time of a second divorce, my Father being terminally ill (for whom I was caregiver). I remembered the feeling of calm and relaxation and wanted to try it. I liked it. It was something just for me.

Presently, I help my son take care of his young daughters in exchange for room and board. My son did not want me to be under the influence while around his daughters and I complied. He could see that I was addicted, but I did not. I have stooped so low as to steal money to feed this habit. I have lied about it time and again. These are behaviours I do not like at all. And although my son openly indulges in the same, he has threatened to throw me out if he sees or finds evidence that I have. Frankly, he has a problem also, but he does not lie about it, or steal.

I have decided to put "legal synthetic Marijuana" down because I do not like how it affects me, and yet, I find myself scheming as to how I can get more and how I can speak without lieing about it which is only lieing again. I need help! I feel particulary bad because I understand all this intellectually, but find myself, even as I write this, thinking about seeing if he left anything behind. NO! I have made the decision to put this down and refuse to justify, or rationalize, or be helpless. I think I am beginning to take back control of my life.

Thanks for listening and advice is greatly appreciated.

doggonecarl

Welcome to SR.

I guess you weren't addicted to the legal substances you used, since you quit. But with this synthetic Marijuana, you're hooked.

It's going to be difficult if your drug of choice is in the same house. When I was hooked on meth I had to ask my roommate to move out because he wouldn't stop using it.

Have you considered face-to-face support, in the form of Narcotics Anonymous (NA)?

Dee74

Hi and welcome time4me2quit
Spice was after my time but I definitely smoked a lot of weed.

I think, if you can't move out and find your own place, you're going to need a lot of support - are you open to things like NA?

D

time4me2quit

Thanks for your reply and advice. I am open to NA face to face. I am trying to find something in my area. I have put synthetic marijuana down before, but you are right, when I smell it, I want it. Thanks again.

Coldfusion

Welcome to SR!

I hope you will find NA meetings helpful. Even if you find you don't need to go often, just knowing they are there can put you in a better state of mind.