Rose123

Hi everyone. Reading through these posts today is exactly what I needed. I've been doing the whole I'm going to cut down or only drink beer thing for awhile and that just doesn't work for me. I am an all or nothing girl. So, after last night of drinking to the point of blacking out, slapping my husband in the face, falling down and covered in bruises and calling in sick to work today, I am done!

I tell myself I drink like this because of stress but in all honestly, I'm not really sure why. I'm scared. I'm fortunate I haven't lost my family, job, or seriously injured someone, or have been in legal trouble.

I'm trying to find new hobbies. I signed up for some wellness classes. I love to fool around in the kitchen, gardening, reading, thrift store shopping and exercising. (I lost 40 lbs. last year!!)

I need to do this. It's time. Looking for support, encouragement, advice and friendship. Thanks

AlisonW

Welcome Rose! There are a lot of wonderful supportive people here. I'm still pretty new to the sobriety game but have found this site to be amazingly helpful. Glad to have you with us!

paul99

Welcome, Rose123.

Sounds like you're ready to turn the corner on that part of your life - you seem like you have a lot of positive things already there...why go through the pain of losing it all?

You'll find lots of support here

Nonsensical

Welcome. Keep reading, I find great nuggets of wisdom every day on this site, and it really helps.

Rose123

I'm sitting here in tears. I'm so happy to have found this group and happy to discover my life without dependence on alcohol.

A little more about what I'm dealing with. My husband is an alcoholic. He is very good at drinking, if there is such a thing. He has a 6 pack most nights of the week and is able to 'handle' his liquor. He is even tempered and doesn't do stupid things he will regret. He said he would cut down/quit but I know this will be hard for me to be around. I love him, he is a wonderful man.

I am so ashamed of the things I have done/said.....how do you let those feelings go and move on in a positive way?

Anna

Welcome!

It sounds like you're motivated to stop drinking.

And, it's great that you are adding lots of positive activities to your life. That's so important to recovery.

AnotherPaul

Welcome, Rose.

It sounds like you've got the right idea with keeping yourself busy with a lot of activities. Have you also considered a "real world" support group like A.A. or one of the other options? It can make all the difference in the world.

Rose123

I'm not sure I want to attend AA meetings. I think they are wonderful if they work for you, but I'm not sure it's for me. Maybe I'm just scared of them too.

Nonsensical

8 days ago I drank enough to get 2 men drunk. Then I vomited and drank some more. 7 days ago I felt sick, ashamed and depressed. Today I felt pretty good. Actually, I felt very good.

Just hang on, it get's better.

AnotherPaul

I can totally relate. I'm a card-carrying atheist and I knew about all the "God stuff" at AA meetings, but I have found the meetings to be a lot more good than bad even if I don't fully agree with everything that everyone talks about. You don't have to fully commit to the AA way of life the way that some people do, but at the very least you'll get to meet some people who have been where you've been, in their own ways, and overcome it, and that can go a long way toward getting you through the difficulties of early recovery. It helps to know some people you can talk to who can really relate to what you're going through. Anyway, if AA really doesn't get your interest, there are other group options available.

And congrats on your decision to make a better life for yourself. That is a huge first step.

AlisonW

For me, I think the key is balancing putting the past behind me and not beating myself up for it, but also using those things I am not proud of as fuel to remind me of all the reasons I want to be done with alcohol. I know I cannot go back and change what has happened, but, I can give it some positive meaning if I use it to better myself and my future.
Several weeks ago, I was arrested for my first DWI. It has been very frightening, expensive and totally shameful - and also, one of the best things that ever happened to me, because it finally got me to push my denial aside and realize I have a drinking problem that I need to handle. I wish it hadn't come to that, but that's what it took, and I am now 18 days sober and excited about my new life and all the promise it holds.
If your past mistakes cause you to look ahead and realize all the reasons you never want to go back to that place, then in a way they weren't mistakes at all, just chapters in a long and hopeful story...

-Alison

kittycat3

Hi Rose, welcome!
Keep the past in the past as much as you can. I know that is much easier said than done. But your future actions don't have to be based upon what is in your past. Continuing to drink will not take away what you have already done, either.
Perhaps your husband will notice the positive changes in you and be interested in changes for himself.
I would be willing to bet that you have done nothing worse than most of us here. Try to think of it in simple terms for now. You are allergic to alcohol, so, don't drink. That's it. You can deal with other stuff later if you have to.

FreeFall

I think we all hit a point where we realize we truly hate what alcohol does to us. It may show up as a health related issue, or embarrassment, or a risk you took that could have hurt someone,etc. but once you feel that way, it's a really good time to make the effort to stop.

It's going to be hard work, no question about it. You sound like someone who has the skills to do it-you lost 40 lbs. and can probably apply many of the same tools you used to lose the weight. SR will be a great source of support. I found AVRT very helpful. Good luck!

bigsombrero

I was more or less forced into rehab by my family because my alcoholism got so bad. I had withdrawl seizures and other really scary physical symptoms. It wasn't until I got sober and stepped back that I realized how alcohol was the source of so many problems.

Before I went to treatment I was in denial. There's no way I would have gone to AA on my own, though I wish I would have. Now that I'm 7 months sober I have gone to a couple meetings, but I am struggling with that group because it does not seem "for me" either. I do see an addiction therapist once per week.

In my experience I was lucky enough to have friends and family close by me when I went to treatment and rehab. This meant sharing my problem with them. It was really hard, but so what. It worked for me. Is there anyone you can confide in and tell them that you're having problems? Or that you are concerned about yourself? It's hard to do on your own.

Good luck.

artsoul

Welcome Rose!

I can certainly relate..... Even when I had the best of intentions, I usually drank myself into oblivion and woke up regretful and/or sick. It got worse over time, too, until I finally realized that alcohol and I just don't mix.

Things really will get better. I hope you can work something out with your husband, at least temporary, so that you're not around alcohol all the time. Keep reading and posting, too.......the support here is great!

Rose123

Thanks everyone for your thoughts. I'm so grateful that I found this group. I will be checking in quite a bit, I'm sure. I'm also happy that I won't be waking up hungover tomorrow

Hevyn

Welcome Rose - so happy you've joined the family . We look forward to getting to know you. I think you'll love being here - it's helped me to not feel alone anymore.

Dorris

Rose I cold have wrote this myself, but all I can say is you need to take it one day at a time, it will be hard and no doubt you will become very angry with your husband for not changing his way but you have to be patience and let him see his own troubles. For now let him support you and cut down his drinking.

For me it was for a long time we were drinking buddies and of course I was worse than him in drink so he never seen his own faults, now I have stopped his own troubles are now being highlighted.

Stick with SR and learn as much as you can x

Shining~Again

Hi Rose - late on this but since it's been niggling in the back on my mind I thought I'd share something, in hopes in might help you or someone else.

I'm glad you felt better after getting a warm welcome. Beating yourself up doesn't do any good. Staying in the past and rehashing poor choices isn't healthy either.

I truly hope that you never hit him again and that he's heard that from you. That he believes you. I could not move forward in a positive way when these events weren't acknowledged.

Not seeing anyone mention the slapping bothered me a lot. I'm not saying you should be harassed for it...absolutely not. As someone who was on the receiving end of slaps, kicks, punches I guess I'm surprised at how easily it was overlooked...as if it didn't even happen.

MIRecovery

What is boils down to is how bad do you want to quit? Are you willing to do anything, try anything if it moves you toward sobriety. There are no easy paths but with willingness almost anything is possible