stucna

I am reading all your post guys and you wont believe how many of them sound similiar for me. I am still new to family of addicted community. I know for 3 weeks only my boyfriend is an cocaine addict.
so i wonder, if this is whats going on. when they on drug they just saying or doing some things. and whey they become clean even for one day it hits them what they have done their eyes open and they can see? as i posted yestertday my boyfriend breake up with me in weird way. so same day he stay over, told me he loves me. next day i calle him (maybe it was stupid, but if you know its a desease you still care) and he pick up the phone in a sec, like a rocket. never happened before. we had nice chat. then i texted him that im sorry for swearing at him and he responce "dont be silly, we all doing and sauying things we dont mean in anger".
so does it mean he is struggeling with his emotional behaviour?

h00ped

Cocaine and other drugs can make you really emotional on the withdrawal, especially if they're cut with bad fillers or mixed with other crap. So it could be part of a comedown, or more likely, it's the emotional stuff underneath that's driving the drug use, they're using drugs to escape various feelings.

EnglishGarden

Cocaine addicts don't care about people's feelings, stucna. They use people as objects of distraction or as enablers or for sex or money or drugs. Your boyfriend will tolerate you as long as you do not interfere with his drug habit. The moment you ask of him an honest relationship, mutual respect, and trustworthy behavior, he will see you as the enemy and he will find ways to control you or to push you out of his life.

One way addicts control other people is by making those people think that the real problem in the relationship is not drugs, it's not addiction, it's THEM. The addict convinces his partner that she is messed up, and he is a master at knowing how to make her doubt herself. He criticizes those things about her which are often the best parts of her and he makes her feel ashamed. He accuses her of trying to control him (when actually he is controlling her). He blames her for anything that goes wrong in the relationship (and everything goes wrong because he is a DRUG ADDICT). And before she knows it, she is at his mercy, and completely desperate for his approval.

So you are in danger, emotionally, right now. He will turn cold as a snake on you some days and you will doubt your own worth and your right to be treated lovingly and with respect.

If you stay with him, you should find yourself a good counselor, dear, because you will need someone on your side to help you with the pain which will be an inevitable outcome of loving a selfish, self-absorbed, out-of-his mind cokehead.

stucna

that has already happened!!!! oh my god! when he told me he is taking, as i havent know before, he said as well that its not my fault and that and its him living in a lie. then i started to search for help, try to talk to him, help him to fight with it. and he pushed me away! in one day! before we used to see each other everyday, then he didnt wanted to see me for 2 weeks! ha said its my fault that he taking drugs as i was never there to stop him adn as im working at evenings and he was bored waiting for me everyday. tehn when he broke up with me he said its cos our relations were dead in november, when 3 weeks ago he was begging me not to leave him.

yesterday at night he texted me lots. how i feel, if i am ok... so i wonder if that guiltyness or he really miss me or he thought what the heck ive done. and now i can add to the list: if he is trying to manipulate me?

stucna

i can tell you guys that when he first time blammed me for his addiction i was pretty shocked, its very painfull and traumatic.

outtolunch

What this guy says, does or not, does not define you.

I don't do relationships with people who try and manipulate me. That's one of my boundaries and I stick to it.