7 days
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Jan 2013
Posts: 245
7 days
Well, here I am on day 7, after kicking the weekends a$$.
I honestly didn't think I would make it through the weekend with having to be social and being face-to-face with my main trigger; my daughters father. But, I did and completely owned it. Not only that, but I was smacked in the face with a major reality check which made me even more determined to stay sober.
As I stood in front of my ex during our daughters handover, I watched him closely. I watched him sway back and forth whilest thinking he was standing still. I listened to him slurring his words to the point that I could barely make out what he was saying. I smelled the pungent aroma of beer oozing from his pores, even though I never got closer than 1 metre to him. His face seemed to be twisted into a permanat sneer with clenched teeth, even though he seemed to be happy enough. I thought to myself, "Wow. Is this how I came across to other people? Did other people look at me with the same amount of disgust that I'm feeling for him?" And I wondered if my 2 year old daughter saw the same things that I saw. It really was a lightbulb moment.
So yeah, 7 days! Whoop!
I honestly didn't think I would make it through the weekend with having to be social and being face-to-face with my main trigger; my daughters father. But, I did and completely owned it. Not only that, but I was smacked in the face with a major reality check which made me even more determined to stay sober.
As I stood in front of my ex during our daughters handover, I watched him closely. I watched him sway back and forth whilest thinking he was standing still. I listened to him slurring his words to the point that I could barely make out what he was saying. I smelled the pungent aroma of beer oozing from his pores, even though I never got closer than 1 metre to him. His face seemed to be twisted into a permanat sneer with clenched teeth, even though he seemed to be happy enough. I thought to myself, "Wow. Is this how I came across to other people? Did other people look at me with the same amount of disgust that I'm feeling for him?" And I wondered if my 2 year old daughter saw the same things that I saw. It really was a lightbulb moment.
So yeah, 7 days! Whoop!
Member
Join Date: Aug 2008
Location: SE and then South some more
Posts: 2,648
Awesome Rocket. And many more weeks to come I hope, your little one needs you. Ugh, X's, I have one which used to be my biggest trigger. It is no surprise I was able to stay sober for YEARS after we were divorced. Go figure. 
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Jan 2013
Posts: 245
In terms of her physical safety, it does concern me a little for obvious reasons, but I do take comfort in the fact that A) it's only one night a fortnight, and B) he takes her to his parents for the weekend so he's never alone with her (I'm convinced it's so he doesn't feel as guilty about drinking to excess around her.) I'm more concerned about her emotional safety in regards to his alcohol abuse.
But yes, you are right. It's not a good environment for her to be in and I'm working on it. Thank you for your concern :-)
But yes, you are right. It's not a good environment for her to be in and I'm working on it. Thank you for your concern :-)
congrats on 1 week.
Fellow Traveler and Seeker
Join Date: Sep 2012
Location: Toronto, Ontario
Posts: 2,408
Great to hear 
Amazing how we think we look fine and act fine when in fact we look like a train wreck. I can still look at old pictures and tell you exactly when I was drunk, hungover or jonesing. Not too many pictures of happy sober me until I got sober this time. Another trick the ego builds for us to keep drinking. I would drink vodka at 7am on the subway and thought there was no way anyone would smell it on me if I put enough Axe body spray...ha ha.
Oh, the delusions.
Congrats.
Amazing how we think we look fine and act fine when in fact we look like a train wreck. I can still look at old pictures and tell you exactly when I was drunk, hungover or jonesing. Not too many pictures of happy sober me until I got sober this time. Another trick the ego builds for us to keep drinking. I would drink vodka at 7am on the subway and thought there was no way anyone would smell it on me if I put enough Axe body spray...ha ha.
Oh, the delusions.
Congrats.
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