Xune

Just a quick post to reassure those who are new to sobriety that the absolute vast majority of everyone you know does not care what you are or are not drinking.

Last night I was at a dinner party.

Host - What would you like to drink Xu?

Me - I could really go for a Diet Coke, thanks.

Host - We have other things, are you sure?

Me - Thanks, but a Coke would be great.

Host - Would you like that in a glass?

Fast forward to dinner, where I'm seated with a glass of water.

Host - You Ok with water Xu?

Me - Yeah, thanks very much.

This is a story that has repeated countless times since my sobriety in July 2012.

We aren't nearly important enough for those we socialize with to wonder why we've chosen a particular beverage.

If they do wonder and give you a hard time, it is likely because they are self concious about their own drinking.

Peace.

ReadyAtLast

Great post,thanks Xune

Very true-Why do we think the world revolves around us and everyone else is overly concerned with what we are drinking

Fallow

And the best part is I dont care if other people care what I drink.

My body, my business.

EternalQ

This is so true.
99% of their reaction to our beverage of choice has to do with them and their issues, not us.
Don't take on their stuff. Let them sit with their own stuff like we have sat with ours.

soberlicious

I agree, Xune. The hyperfocus on alcohol or lack of...is sometimes simply the newness of the situation in one's own mind. People ask me what I'd like to drink. They also ask me if I'd like bread. When I say "no", they often say, "Are you sure? It's hot..." I don't hyperfocus on the bread and worry that they must think less of me because I'm not eating the bread.

It's my experience that the people who are concerned with what I'm drinking are the hardcore. They seem fascinated. Hmmm...she looks happy, she's talking, she's laughing, she's enjoying herself, she's comfortable...How can she not be drinking?! How is she doing that?! It's baffling to one who must drink...hence the preoccupation. I generally take it as a compliment.

DIYman

I agree. I'm just beginning to notice this. If I don't give a monkeys, no one else really does.

However, if I do give a monkeys (e.g I'm not comfortable that I'm not drinking), my friends do notice this, and tend to 'support' by helping me decide whether I should be drinking or not. And thats my fault, not theres.

So how my friends behave is more in my control than I thought. Great, isn't it?

soberlicious

So true. The old axiom "We teach others how to treat us" comes to mind.

vegibean

Xune, you make a great point, we are way more self conscious about it than other people.

hypochondriac

It took me a while to get this. I think early on it was just my whole focus was the fact I wasn't drinking. It was at the front of my mind all the time. Even people who gave me a hard time for not drinking, they weren't thinking about it all night like I was. As that went away it became easier.