Straightedgeste

I honestly think the only thing that's gonna stop me from being sober is Peer Pressure.

I have kinda accepted certain situations not drinking (football, home, my Dads, pubs) but its the people in these situations that keep talking me into drinking.

My Dad was literally shoving beer in my face Friday, people keep saying when I go football "bet its **** being the sober one" and they seem to not be having a laugh or seem uncomfortable with me not drinking.

Also the lad I was giving up drink with has already been on a bender.

vegibean

Hmmm... Just saying for me, I don't know how long I'd be hanging around them. I don't care that others drink, but if I'm not drinking I don't care to hear about it. My choice just like it's their choice to get smashed, loaded and embarrassing.

Received

I was literally asked to leave a gathering once, many years ago.

Reason? If I wasn't drinking I wasn't welcome. It made "them" feel uncomfortable.

Now isn't that strange? I was having a great time, singing karaoke and engaging in general chit chat with others (who happened to be..well..drunk). I had no problem with "them" drinking but they certainly had a problem with me NOT drinking.

You know what? I understood because I clearly remember not wanting to be around anyone who wasn't drinking if I was. The truth, that I was a drunk, was too harsh a reality when someone sober was present.

I will say, however, I don't ever remember goading someone on to drink just so I could feel better about my drinking. I just ended up drinking alone.

ReadyAtLast

I think the longer you are sober and comfortable sober the easier it gets. Maybe they can sense your uncertainty or ambivalence? No one can make you drink. YOU decide whether you drink or not. I found it easier avoiding drinking situations very early on

mecanix

Your body , your life , your decision .
Those people will get used to you not drinking . My family have a big irish streak running through which seems to think it's acceptable to drink a whole bottle of whisky and a bit more in a day whilst watching the horse racing or footie .
I don't preach at them about their drinking and they don't preach at me for not drinking , took a bit of argy-bargy for them to get it , becuase i don't trip over my own feet there is someone to make the tea and get biscuits and nibbles .

Bestwishes, M

Xune

When adult addicts cite peer pressure as a reason why they drank, I am of the opinion it is an excuse they use to give themselves permission to drink.

Here's the reality of the situation for adults.

If grown adults are pressuring you to do something you don't want to do, it's time to find some new friends.

It's that simple.

If you believe that peer pressure is going to wear you down, then it will wear you down.

So do something about it before hand.

paul99

Absolutely right.

You're setting yourself up, Straightedgeste, with an "out" like that.

DIYman

I'm 22 days in, and although its not easy I know I can beat the drinking at home thing. But I'm still worried about the social aspect. So far my friends have been supportive but I do feel slightly alienated from the group and if that turns out to be a reality rather than just my feelings I think however mature one is that is hard to deal with and could easily make me question my choices.

We all like to think that its easy to go it alone and we should not be influenced by others but one only needs to take a look at fashion (clothes) and realise the entire basis of that is people copying each other.

To continue the analogy, my take is that turning from a drinker into a non-drinker makes me feel like the only one wearing flares and a paisley shirt. My friends have been too polite to comment on it so far, and long term I really don't like fancy dress parties one bit. I do just want to "fit in". Yes there are plenty of other people wearing these clothes, but that's not what my friends are wearing.

What I'm imagining will happen to me is that because the analogy is just an analogy, and what one is drinking is a world apart from what one is wearing, eventually these differences really won't matter. I feel sure I'll be a lot more certain of that in six months. 2 weeks ago I thought I'd never get past the boredom in the evenings and that's no longer a problem, so I'm willing to wait.

hypochondriac

I felt exactly like you Ste, it gets easier. I think I moaned about this a lot cos I remember getting narked when everyone said 'avoid these people', 'just say no thanks' etc... I wasn't making excuses cos I wasn't gonna drink but it really felt like these people wanted me to drink. And these weren't people I could avoid. The worst peer pressure I got was from my boss!

But it really did get easier. At some point I crossed a line where it didn't bother or effect me anymore. And also as time passes your friends and family will accept you sober. Have you come out as having an alcohol problem to them? That may help. I did that with my family and a couple of friends and it has really helped make it real and eventually get them to accept my non drinking status.

Keep it up Ste, you're doing fab x

avocado

here's a simple trick to ward off peer pressure:


say 'no'


say it repeatedly if necessary. Be a complete dick about it if you have to. You don't owe them anything.

soberlicious

This is a great analogy...and really not world's apart at all. See...here's the thing. It's about feeling comfortable with being different, feeling comfortable with your own choices. If you totally rock those flares and paisley shirt, if you own your choices, then they look good on you, not awkward. Knowing and doing what is right for you personally, whether it be personal style or not drinking, is badass...plain and simple.

I also had an experience similar to received's. Someone said to me "I don't trust anyone who doesn't drink." I just laughed and said "and I don't trust stupid people, so we're even."

And speaking of flares and paisley...Macklemore's "thrift shop" speaks to rockin' your own personal style. He's a recovered addict, and the video is hilarious, but don't youtube it if you have an aversion to rap or the "f" word.

escapist

When I was in my 20's I lived in Colorado. The whole time there was a party. I never considered alcoholism. I remember one night I was with a gang of people and there was a guy with us. I kept trying to give him a beer. He got annoyed and let me know he did not want to drink. I found out later that he used to drink and while driving under the influence he killed a young girl. I was a real ass. Would'nt it have been a disaster if I got him to start drinking again?

JungleGirl

Hi there
I struggled at the beginning with peer pressure, some friends didn't actually want to be around me because I made them feel "awkward" because I wasn't drinking. That was one week in to sobriety and really upset me, as I went along and stayed strong because after all this is my life and my choice it became easier and easier and now 2 days off 6 months sober I don't care at all and those people around me that had issues with my not drinking are either not around or are just used to me not drinking and make no comment on it.
If this is truly what you want nothing will stand in your way, it is hard to be different sometimes but following the crowd will take you no further than what you are trying to escape from. Taking a stand and doing the right thing for you will take you to places you could only dream of.
good luck
x

EFC

One of the examples he gave was his father. He can't exactly go out and find a new Dad.

Dee74

....no, but it's not impossible to say 'hey thanks....but no thanks Dad' either

My Dad and I were drinking buds when we got together...never as much as I was used to but he really liked the ritual.

6 years on and my Dad still asks me if I want a 'real drink'... I just smile and say no thanks and we move on.

I spent a lot of years doing stuff I really didn't want to do because I found validation in what others thought of me.

I thought more of what others thought of me than I did about what I was doing to myself.

I had more regard for someone else's opinion than I had for my own well-being.

whatever way you dress it up...that's not healthy.

do you really want to be that guy who runs with the herd, SG?

D

DIYman

Thanks for this, so much. You might have just hit on why I started drinking in the first place.

I heard that once, over 20 years ago (not said to me), and it still has huge importance. There is a lot of fear around being thought of in that way.

soberlicious

Exactly!!

Let me clarify. The person who said "I don't trust anyone who doesn't drink" to me was a bonafide idiot. Uh...hello? People earn trust based on their character and their right action, not based on whether they drink. That has got to be seriously one of the dumbest little phrases I've ever heard. Intelligent people don't say things like that. But people who are a member of the "I drink way too much" club do. I let my membership to that one go.

The fear should not be around being thought of that way. The fear should be in believing that crap.

Dee74

Yep. The only people I've heard say "I don't trust anyone who doesn't drink" were fools or alcoholics - sometimes both

D

choublak

No, but time spent with the existing dad can be limited, if necessary.

MIRecovery

I would choose to not be in those situations. I have found those who push alcohol are people who feel very threatened by someone who is sober.

I avoid drinking places because why should I go any where that makes me feel uncomfortable?