I turn into a grumpy, sober WEREWOLF at 5:30!
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Join Date: Aug 2012
Posts: 443
I turn into a grumpy, sober WEREWOLF at 5:30!
I posted some of this on another thread that was petering out so I'm posting it again here...
I was having one of those early evenings where I was really, really pissed off that I "have" to quit drinking. Now, I know that I don't "have" to, and that I'm choosing to. However, some how knowing that I've chosen to commit to this right now isn't really helping.
I don't understand, the first week I was fine, and now, I'm just experiencing all this anger! Where is it coming from? I'm on Day 17 and I'm feeling angry, emotional and just, well, MAD. I don't know why, but it feels like I'm breaking up with a bad boyfriend! A bad boyfriend who was sometimes great and a lot of fun, but also abusive and mean. You still have to mourn your attachment, even when you break up with a bad boyfriend.
6:00 Pm rolls around and I start thinking about beer. Or we have a really nice dinner and my mood drops when I have the automatic thought that a glass (or 4) of wine would be so nice with it. I get really, really, pissed off at these times for some reason, to the point I want to kick the wall or go a few rounds with a heavy bag (I wish we had one.) or out into the woods for a Primal Scream. (!)
However, I managed to make it through another day, and I REALLY felt like saying F*$CK IT and going to get a beer. I really did. But I didn't. I went to the women's meeting I go instead. I was able to go let that out at the meeting and tell everybody how angry I feel during that time of day, and I got full support, understanding and validation for my low-down and dirty feelings come 5:00-6:00pm.
Man, like I said, my day starts out great--I wake up feelin' like a million bucks, I get my kid ready for school, I enjoy a cup of french roast fair trade locally sourced (blah blah) coffee, I go to the gym, come home do chores, make some hats, play some guitar, pick up my kid, play with him, 5:30 PM comes and it's like I turn into some kind of "recently quit drinking" WEREWOLF!---And the next day it's Rinse, and Repeat
Unfortunately, I can't really change my routine for this time of day. I'm with my kid until my husband comes home, and I've gotta get dinner on the table, have dinner and do evening chores, so it's not a great time for me to hit a meeting or call someone before I turn into the sober WEREWOLF. So I'm a grumpy cook in the kitchen slamming pots down and cursing the crappy broiler we have. GRRRREAT.
I hope this just a short faze, and that this evil spell of werewolf-ism that hits me every evening is short lived.
So, in terms of getting a sponsor--at the women's meeting last night, there has been only one lady that has consistently put her hand up when the chairperson asks if there is anyone willing to be temporary sponsor. She's pretty funny, so I just stayed after and asked. She said, "all it takes is a phone call." I would have much preferred a more concrete answer than a "ball's in your court" kind of an answer, because I'm very, very, sensitive to rejection! However, I'm going to call her anyway and see what happens.
ALSO, in other news, I've been getting some good support from my husband lately. He's chilling way out on drinking himself. When I was pissed off last night before I went to the women's meeting I said something like, "Well, here I go to my STUPID meeting because I have to stop drinking STUPID alcohol!!!" That's right, I've regressed to my teenage years.
While I was stomping the floor and yanking the door open...my husband said, "Hang in there G, it's going to be O.K, just make the best of it for now. It's probably all for the best, and you never know what will come out of it."
After I came back, he even said he was going to join me soon in not drinking. When I asked him why, he said, "Well, I don't need it, and think of all the money we'll save." Awe.
Well that's my report.
Thanks SR community!
I was having one of those early evenings where I was really, really pissed off that I "have" to quit drinking. Now, I know that I don't "have" to, and that I'm choosing to. However, some how knowing that I've chosen to commit to this right now isn't really helping.
I don't understand, the first week I was fine, and now, I'm just experiencing all this anger! Where is it coming from? I'm on Day 17 and I'm feeling angry, emotional and just, well, MAD. I don't know why, but it feels like I'm breaking up with a bad boyfriend! A bad boyfriend who was sometimes great and a lot of fun, but also abusive and mean. You still have to mourn your attachment, even when you break up with a bad boyfriend.
6:00 Pm rolls around and I start thinking about beer. Or we have a really nice dinner and my mood drops when I have the automatic thought that a glass (or 4) of wine would be so nice with it. I get really, really, pissed off at these times for some reason, to the point I want to kick the wall or go a few rounds with a heavy bag (I wish we had one.) or out into the woods for a Primal Scream. (!)
However, I managed to make it through another day, and I REALLY felt like saying F*$CK IT and going to get a beer. I really did. But I didn't. I went to the women's meeting I go instead. I was able to go let that out at the meeting and tell everybody how angry I feel during that time of day, and I got full support, understanding and validation for my low-down and dirty feelings come 5:00-6:00pm.
Man, like I said, my day starts out great--I wake up feelin' like a million bucks, I get my kid ready for school, I enjoy a cup of french roast fair trade locally sourced (blah blah) coffee, I go to the gym, come home do chores, make some hats, play some guitar, pick up my kid, play with him, 5:30 PM comes and it's like I turn into some kind of "recently quit drinking" WEREWOLF!---And the next day it's Rinse, and Repeat
Unfortunately, I can't really change my routine for this time of day. I'm with my kid until my husband comes home, and I've gotta get dinner on the table, have dinner and do evening chores, so it's not a great time for me to hit a meeting or call someone before I turn into the sober WEREWOLF. So I'm a grumpy cook in the kitchen slamming pots down and cursing the crappy broiler we have. GRRRREAT.
I hope this just a short faze, and that this evil spell of werewolf-ism that hits me every evening is short lived.
So, in terms of getting a sponsor--at the women's meeting last night, there has been only one lady that has consistently put her hand up when the chairperson asks if there is anyone willing to be temporary sponsor. She's pretty funny, so I just stayed after and asked. She said, "all it takes is a phone call." I would have much preferred a more concrete answer than a "ball's in your court" kind of an answer, because I'm very, very, sensitive to rejection! However, I'm going to call her anyway and see what happens.
ALSO, in other news, I've been getting some good support from my husband lately. He's chilling way out on drinking himself. When I was pissed off last night before I went to the women's meeting I said something like, "Well, here I go to my STUPID meeting because I have to stop drinking STUPID alcohol!!!" That's right, I've regressed to my teenage years.
While I was stomping the floor and yanking the door open...my husband said, "Hang in there G, it's going to be O.K, just make the best of it for now. It's probably all for the best, and you never know what will come out of it."
After I came back, he even said he was going to join me soon in not drinking. When I asked him why, he said, "Well, I don't need it, and think of all the money we'll save." Awe.
Well that's my report.
Thanks SR community!
Member
Join Date: Jan 2013
Location: Lowell Ma
Posts: 24
Great news on having your hubby want to quit as well. It should help with temptation. As far as turning into a ware wolf, I can relate. In days I try not to drink that's what happens to me. I get consumed by the thought of drinking and ultimately I always cave. I'm working on fighting those urges and keeping the beast at bay per say.
I wish you and your husband all the best!
I wish you and your husband all the best!
That bell or bike person
Join Date: Jun 2012
Location: london
Posts: 4,978
I find a slow cooker nice for those days when cooking is too much of a pain . I try to get mine ready cold thurs eve and all i have to do is take it out the fridge friday morning before i go to work , set the timer and it is cooked when i get home . only one pot to clean !
I also here-by give you a get out of evening chores voucher which says i don't have to do everything or be perfect on it, especially when i'm trying to keep sane and sober .
You're doing great ,
Bestwishes, M
I also here-by give you a get out of evening chores voucher which says i don't have to do everything or be perfect on it, especially when i'm trying to keep sane and sober .
You're doing great ,
Bestwishes, M
Canine Welfare Advocate
Join Date: Sep 2010
Location: Norfolk, VA
Posts: 10,962
Welcome to early recovery. Alcohol has been your emotional bandage for too long.
Just don't confuse feelings for fact. Ask yourself, "Is it as bad as I am making out?"
Of course it isn't.
Originally Posted by Gforce23 
I'm on Day 17 and I'm feeling angry, emotional and just, well, MAD. I don't know why, but it feels like I'm breaking up with a bad boyfriend! A bad boyfriend who was sometimes great and a lot of fun, but also abusive and mean. You still have to mourn your attachment, even when you break up with a bad boyfriend.
Of course it isn't.
Member
Join Date: Jan 2013
Posts: 245
Thats so great that you have such a supportive husband and that he is making major life changes for your benefit. Many people here dont have that kind of support at home. So, I take my hat off to him!
Have you tried d&a counselling? They May be able to help you out with some tools for dealing with your anger in a more healthy way.
Congrats on 17 days! And you're right, alcohol is stupid. Chin up :-)
Have you tried d&a counselling? They May be able to help you out with some tools for dealing with your anger in a more healthy way.
Congrats on 17 days! And you're right, alcohol is stupid. Chin up :-)
Member
Join Date: Nov 2012
Location: Wisconsin
Posts: 539
Ohmigosh that sounds alot like me.
I too wake up feeling great and clean blah blah blah, have my kids all day, make dinner blah blah blah, by the time bedtime comes around there is nothing there to unwind with. Nothing. And as each day goes by I am getting pissier and moodier and angrier.
I literally have a rage issue, and like you, I wish I had something to hit. I have a habit of gritting my teeth(which I started when waiting to get my drink on before) but the drink never comes so *grit grit grit* fume fume fume.]
I too am like a snotty little teenager with a BAD attitude. IN my other post about "my hubby having a bad idea" Im getting tons of great feedback(thanks everyone) but you knwo what it makes me want to to???
Go sit in the corner and pout. And scowl. And give dirty looks. Because they are telling me "no,you cant drink,no 6-er for you, thats just the disease speaking"
And like a teen with their parents, I know their right, but that doesnt mean I like it, and Im feeling quite rebellious.
I dont know how Im gonna deal with tonight. Fricking scream in my pillow or something because as of right now I am not impressed.
I too wake up feeling great and clean blah blah blah, have my kids all day, make dinner blah blah blah, by the time bedtime comes around there is nothing there to unwind with. Nothing. And as each day goes by I am getting pissier and moodier and angrier.
I literally have a rage issue, and like you, I wish I had something to hit. I have a habit of gritting my teeth(which I started when waiting to get my drink on before) but the drink never comes so *grit grit grit* fume fume fume.]
I too am like a snotty little teenager with a BAD attitude. IN my other post about "my hubby having a bad idea" Im getting tons of great feedback(thanks everyone) but you knwo what it makes me want to to???
Go sit in the corner and pout. And scowl. And give dirty looks. Because they are telling me "no,you cant drink,no 6-er for you, thats just the disease speaking"
And like a teen with their parents, I know their right, but that doesnt mean I like it, and Im feeling quite rebellious.
I dont know how Im gonna deal with tonight. Fricking scream in my pillow or something because as of right now I am not impressed.
Member
Join Date: Nov 2012
Location: London.
Posts: 54
Smiling as I read this. When I first gave up my 5-7pm booze goblin was doing its nut at me. Now, some 9 months on, its faded but its still my danger time.
I have found that having a fridge full of diet-coke and ginger ale helps a lot and also, if you can, stopping off half-way between work and home for a coffee can also give me the sort of break that I need.
I have found that having a fridge full of diet-coke and ginger ale helps a lot and also, if you can, stopping off half-way between work and home for a coffee can also give me the sort of break that I need.
Canine Welfare Advocate
Join Date: Sep 2010
Location: Norfolk, VA
Posts: 10,962
Originally Posted by ArcticSA
I wish I had something to hit.
Beats sitting home stewing about not being able to drink, I'd think.
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Thread Starter
Join Date: Aug 2012
Posts: 443
Thanks guy's n' gals.
You know, this anger I speak of is interesting beast. It's not like the anger I normally feel when I'm say, in a repetitive pattern with someone like my husband or for god's sake, my mother--still, after all these years. That anger is different. You know, when buttons get pushed and you react in that tired, old, familiar way, that makes you feel like some kind of slave robot to a stupid pattern--that anger is exhausting, and makes me feel defeated and sad.
This anger, is like a clean, clean burning anger. It comes from somewhere else entirely. I actually don't want to suppress it. I don't want to kick the dog...or the wall, but I think I need to GET IT OUT! I am SERIOUS! I wasn't kidding when I said I wanted to go out into the woods/mountain and SCREAM.
I want to scream a whole list of things that I am pissed about. Just get it out!
Like this:
QUITTING DRINKING SUCKS! I AM SAD! I AM SCARED! I AM MAD THAT I CAN'T DRINK LIKE NORMAL PEOPLE!
I'M PISSED AND MAD THAT IT SEEMS I HAVE TO GIVE UP THE FUN DRINKING BECAUSE OF THE CRAPPY WAY OVER THE TOP DRINKING THAT I DO AND ALL THE CONSEQUENCES IT BRINGS!
I HATE THIS FEELING! I WANT MY LIFE BACK!
I WANT MY HUSBAND TO GET OFF HIS ASS AND FIGURE HIS LIFE OUT
I WANT MY MOM TO START TREATING ME LIKE A FREAKIN' GROWNUP ALREADY BECAUSE I AM 42 AND A MOTHER !!!
SH*****T F****CK! AND DAMN! ARRRRRRRRGGGGGGGGHHHHHHH.
I want to go yell all of that in the woods until I feel better. I might freak out the wildlife, but dammit, I might feel better too. I know I can't control how other people behave, but I might as well acknowledge my feelings and get that anger OUT.
Right now I'm accomplishing some of that buy dusting off my electric guitar that I haven't played in a while.
Anyway, yeah, it's weird. Maybe good. I don't know.
I really. Don't. Know.
Cheers, and thanks.
You know, this anger I speak of is interesting beast. It's not like the anger I normally feel when I'm say, in a repetitive pattern with someone like my husband or for god's sake, my mother--still, after all these years. That anger is different. You know, when buttons get pushed and you react in that tired, old, familiar way, that makes you feel like some kind of slave robot to a stupid pattern--that anger is exhausting, and makes me feel defeated and sad.
This anger, is like a clean, clean burning anger. It comes from somewhere else entirely. I actually don't want to suppress it. I don't want to kick the dog...or the wall, but I think I need to GET IT OUT! I am SERIOUS! I wasn't kidding when I said I wanted to go out into the woods/mountain and SCREAM.
I want to scream a whole list of things that I am pissed about. Just get it out!
Like this:
QUITTING DRINKING SUCKS! I AM SAD! I AM SCARED! I AM MAD THAT I CAN'T DRINK LIKE NORMAL PEOPLE!
I'M PISSED AND MAD THAT IT SEEMS I HAVE TO GIVE UP THE FUN DRINKING BECAUSE OF THE CRAPPY WAY OVER THE TOP DRINKING THAT I DO AND ALL THE CONSEQUENCES IT BRINGS!
I HATE THIS FEELING! I WANT MY LIFE BACK!
I WANT MY HUSBAND TO GET OFF HIS ASS AND FIGURE HIS LIFE OUT
I WANT MY MOM TO START TREATING ME LIKE A FREAKIN' GROWNUP ALREADY BECAUSE I AM 42 AND A MOTHER !!!
SH*****T F****CK! AND DAMN! ARRRRRRRRGGGGGGGGHHHHHHH.
I want to go yell all of that in the woods until I feel better. I might freak out the wildlife, but dammit, I might feel better too. I know I can't control how other people behave, but I might as well acknowledge my feelings and get that anger OUT.
Right now I'm accomplishing some of that buy dusting off my electric guitar that I haven't played in a while.
Anyway, yeah, it's weird. Maybe good. I don't know.
I really. Don't. Know.
Cheers, and thanks.
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Thread Starter
Join Date: Aug 2012
Posts: 443
Originally Posted by doggonecarl
Sounds like an idea...not hitting someone, but something. Some sort of physcial release. Some outlet for your stress and anxiety caused by withdrawls. Running...Zumba...something.
Beats sitting home stewing about not being able to drink, I'd think.
Beats sitting home stewing about not being able to drink, I'd think.
I wish I could switch my gym time to the "witching hour" time, but it's not really feasible as I have my little boy at home and I've got to get dinner rolling and all of that. I'm working on it.... I am seriously thinking about putting a heavy bag downstairs and going there to HIT it over and over when when I'm feeling like that--even if it's for 5 minutes. My boy can be by himself for that long upstairs.
Cheers.
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Join Date: Sep 2012
Location: SoCal, California
Posts: 990
After I came back, he even said he was going to join me soon in not drinking. When I asked him why, he said, "Well, I don't need it, and think of all the money we'll save."
I want to go yell all of that in the woods until I feel better. I might freak out the wildlife, but dammit, I might feel better too. I know I can't control how other people behave, but I might as well acknowledge my feelings and get that anger OUT.
I think there have been a lot of good suggestions for you on this thread. Go head on out into those beautiful woods and just scream your lungs out. Why not? I bet it would feel great.
Reminds me a little of the scene in "Analyze This" where Robert De Niro shoots the pillow instead of just hitting it like his therapist suggests.
Billy Crystal: You know what i do when Im mad? I hit a pillow. Just hit the pillow. See how you feel...
Robert De Niro: [pulls out a gun and starts shooting the pillow] There's your f-------g pillow!
Billy Crystal: Feel better?
Robert De Niro: Yeah, I do!
Billy Crystal: Good.
Community Greeter
Join Date: Aug 2007
Location: Upstate New York
Posts: 51,560
Gforce - I felt the very same way for awhile. Great job on your 17 days sober, but it's still early yet. Emotions run rampant - we're angry, resentful, and feel like we're missing out. Later, we finally realize we're not losing a thing - we feel free, and filled with hope and excitement for the future. I never thought I'd reach that point, but I did. You will too.
Glad you came here to let it out - we all understand.
Glad you came here to let it out - we all understand.
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Thread Starter
Join Date: Aug 2012
Posts: 443
Originally Posted by ClearLight
Hey - maybe you could start a punk band - LOL.....
Reminds me a little of the scene in "Analyze This" where Robert De Niro shoots the pillow instead of just hitting it like his therapist suggests.
Billy Crystal: You know what i do when Im mad? I hit a pillow. Just hit the pillow. See how you feel...
Robert De Niro: [pulls out a gun and starts shooting the pillow] There's your f-------g pillow!
Billy Crystal: Feel better?
Robert De Niro: Yeah, I do!
Billy Crystal: Good.
Reminds me a little of the scene in "Analyze This" where Robert De Niro shoots the pillow instead of just hitting it like his therapist suggests.
Billy Crystal: You know what i do when Im mad? I hit a pillow. Just hit the pillow. See how you feel...
Robert De Niro: [pulls out a gun and starts shooting the pillow] There's your f-------g pillow!
Billy Crystal: Feel better?
Robert De Niro: Yeah, I do!
Billy Crystal: Good.
Secondly, I would LOVE to start a punk band. I just have to find other people that can at least play power chords and yell!
Originally Posted by ArcticSA
I too am like a snotty little teenager with a BAD attitude. IN my other post about "my hubby having a bad idea" I'm getting tons of great feedback(thanks everyone) but you know what it makes me want to to???
Go sit in the corner and pout. And scowl. And give dirty looks. Because they are telling me "no,you cant drink,no 6-er for you, that's just the disease speaking"
And like a teen with their parents, I know their right, but that doesnt mean I like it, and Im feeling quite rebellious.
I dont know how Im gonna deal with tonight. Fricking scream in my pillow or something because as of right now I am not impressed.
Go sit in the corner and pout. And scowl. And give dirty looks. Because they are telling me "no,you cant drink,no 6-er for you, that's just the disease speaking"
And like a teen with their parents, I know their right, but that doesnt mean I like it, and Im feeling quite rebellious.
I dont know how Im gonna deal with tonight. Fricking scream in my pillow or something because as of right now I am not impressed.
P.S, your husband probably has good intentions, but you should tell him to mind his own beeswax. JMO.
Cheers!
Member
Join Date: Jan 2013
Location: TX
Posts: 137
It's a relief to see someone else going through something similar. Not that I have the mindset that if I have to experience it everyone does... but it helps to come home at 5 o'clock on a Friday and hear from others. This Friday is much more difficult than the last. D:
I don't really get angry... never have. But I do feel like banging my head against the wall repeatedly right now.
This Friday is much more difficult than the last. D:I don't really get angry... never have. But I do feel like banging my head against the wall repeatedly right now.
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Thread Starter
Join Date: Aug 2012
Posts: 443
Originally Posted by Gforce23
Yeah, what you said! I am not impressed (with my situation) either!
P.S, your husband probably has good intentions, but you should tell him to mind his own beeswax. JMO.
P.S, your husband probably has good intentions, but you should tell him to mind his own beeswax. JMO.
You know what you gotta do...
Join Date: Aug 2011
Location: "I'm not lost for I know where I am. But however, where I am may be lost ..."
Posts: 5,273
QUITTING DRINKING SUCKS! I AM SAD! I AM SCARED! I AM MAD THAT I CAN'T DRINK LIKE NORMAL PEOPLE!
I'M PISSED AND MAD THAT IT SEEMS I HAVE TO GIVE UP THE FUN DRINKING BECAUSE OF THE CRAPPY WAY OVER THE TOP DRINKING THAT I DO AND ALL THE CONSEQUENCES IT BRINGS!
I HATE THIS FEELING! I WANT MY LIFE BACK!
I WANT MY HUSBAND TO GET OFF HIS ASS AND FIGURE HIS LIFE OUT
I WANT MY MOM TO START TREATING ME LIKE A FREAKIN' GROWNUP ALREADY BECAUSE I AM 42 AND A MOTHER !!!
SH*****T F****CK! AND DAMN! ARRRRRRRRGGGGGGGGHHHHHHH.
I'M PISSED AND MAD THAT IT SEEMS I HAVE TO GIVE UP THE FUN DRINKING BECAUSE OF THE CRAPPY WAY OVER THE TOP DRINKING THAT I DO AND ALL THE CONSEQUENCES IT BRINGS!
I HATE THIS FEELING! I WANT MY LIFE BACK!
I WANT MY HUSBAND TO GET OFF HIS ASS AND FIGURE HIS LIFE OUT
I WANT MY MOM TO START TREATING ME LIKE A FREAKIN' GROWNUP ALREADY BECAUSE I AM 42 AND A MOTHER !!!
SH*****T F****CK! AND DAMN! ARRRRRRRRGGGGGGGGHHHHHHH.
It's early yet G...you won't always feel like this. xo
ps I second mecanix on the slow cooker. I use mine all the time and dinner is cooking while I'm gone during the day.
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