Carmie01

Hello! As I only joined here a few days ago, I'm struggling to find information when I search for the topic 'codependency'. I have noticed this being brought up a lot on the threads and just wondered is there a specific thread dedicated to explaining it?

Thank you for all for the help and I have woken up today feeling a little brighter with regard to my future and how I will cope with my AH.

Audrey1

Codependency No More - by Melody Beattie.

Definitely an eye-opening read.

Best of luck.

P.S. Sorry, this is a book, not a thread.

dollydo

Take some time to read the stickeys at the top of this forum and cynical one's blogs, which can accessed above on this. Cynical One has many blogs on codependency.

Here are a few questions that you can answer to see if you are codependent or not:
1. Do you keep quiet to avoid arguments?
2. Are you always worried about others’ opinions of you?
3. Have you ever lived with someone with an alcohol or drug problem?
4. Have you ever lived with someone who hits or belittles you?
5. Are the opinions of others more important than your own?
6. Do you have difficulty adjusting to changes at work or home?
7. Do you feel rejected when significant others spend time with friends?
8. Do you doubt your ability to be who you want to be?
9. Are you uncomfortable expressing your true feelings to others?
10. Have you ever felt inadequate?
11. Do you feel like a “bad person” when you make a mistake?
12. Do you have difficulty taking compliments or gifts?
13. Do you feel humiliation when your child or spouse makes a mistake?
14. Do you think people in your life would go downhill without your constant efforts?
15. Do you frequently wish someone could help you get things done?
16. Do you have difficulty talking to people in authority, such as the police or your boss?
17. Are you confused about who you are or where you are going with your life?
18. Do you have trouble saying “no” when asked for help?
19. Do you have trouble asking for help?
20. Do you have so many things going at once that you can’t do justice to any of them?

I would also suggest that you read Codependency Recovery by Robert Burney.

Carmie01

Hi and thanks so much for your reply. I've looked at the questions you listed and it appears I've answered roughly yes to 50% of them. I can see that several years ago, I would probably have said yes to all! So I am not sure whether I am codependent or not.

Thanks for the book suggestion and I will look it up on Amazon! I'm off to read Cynical One blogs straightaway lol!

I really appreciate your reply.

Butterfly12

There are CODA meetings. Google the group to see if there are meetings near you, if not there are phone meetings.

PohsFriend

Carrie.... The good news is that I scored 10/20 as well.

The bad news is that 4 or more suggests we gots issues.

The beautiful thing about this fine group is that there's bound to be not one but a dozen or more people as screwed up and screwed up the same way as every new member. We may have issues but at least here on the forum of misfit toys we ain't lonely.

Lol ...maybe we should add "do you find sad things in appropriately amusing?" To the list just to cover my particular set of oddities.

Pelican

Melody Beattie has written several books, in addition to Codependent No More, and she has a daily reader "Language of Letting Go".

We have a daily thread here at SR for the reading of "Language of Letting Go"
follow this link:
http://www.soberrecovery.com/forums/...part-26-a.html
and go to the last page.
Each day, a member shares the daily reading and members can share their victories/challenges for the day.

Here is another link:

http://www.soberrecovery.com/forums/...-part-1-a.html

Carmie01

Thanks for your reply. I will take a look at the above info and read up more.

Carmie01

Thanks for your reply. Not sure what you are implying with your last statement? If I read it correctly, are you suggesting, by me keeping my sense of humour regarding my dire situation inappropriate? If I am wrong then apologies, if I have understood that's what you are suggesting, then I find that in appropriate, infact one shouldn't try to judge or try to suggest something about a person when it just isn't true. I came here for help, not judgement.