angel1018

I am the girlfriend of a 32 year old 8 month opiate addict that is now in recovery for a month. He's in an outpatient rehab program that his work set up for him. I went to a family/friends night last night and found it helpful. Anyway, as most if you probably can relate - what an emotional roller coaster it is for the user and the girlfriend. My concern is that the first 3 weeks of his sobriety he was the amazing person. He was understanding if my feelings, he was emotional, happier, more energetic, appreciative, sweet and loving, hands on with us and himself. I was always thinking how pleasant it was to be around him finally. Over the past few weeks he's still doing great and going thru the process of this program, passing his weekly drug tests, living hone w the support of his parents but I feel like he's more moody then ever. I've been trying to read up on this recovery process so that I understand things more bc I tend to take things personally but I just am concerned about the mood swings. Why was he so great in the early stages of sobriety but now he's edgy, short tempered, impatient and seems a little distant from me. Almost like sometimes he can't bother with how I'm feeling. Now that I'm typing this I sound so selfish considering what he's going through. Any thoughts/advice/input?

Thx

Kindeyes

That's because he can't. He has enough on his plate and he needs you to take care of yourself so that he doesn't have to try to take care of you when his own resources are limited and strained.

The initial period was the pink cloud. When an addict initially gets clean and sober, it's almost like another form of being "high". When that pink cloud disappears, they are faced with the reality of their addiction and the damage it has caused to their own lives (as well as the lives of others). It's a heavy burden.

Best thing we can do for ourselves is to take care of ourselves so that they can use their own limited strength to take care of their own recovery.

You can find support for how you're feeling through f2f support fellowships and here on SR!

gentle hugs
ke

angel1018

Thank you for shedding some light. All that you said makes so much sense ... I do need to work on me I can't burden him with my issues. What is f2f ? I'd like to try that as well.
Thanks

Lily1918

face to face I struggle with this too. I choose to go to Al anon and Nar anon. they help me. every girl wants a guy who can be there for them. Its isn't selfish. but it is hard for me to remember that he is better in his grumpy recovery than he ever was in his active addiction. its not about perfect, its about progress. :ghug3

angel1018

Lily1918...I like what you said even tho it's hard for you to remember....You like him better in his grumpy recovery stage rather then his using ways. that is so true -- thank you for pointing that out I needed that. I didn't think of it that way. And you're right it's not about perfection. It's about progress. Best of luck.

AE

Freedom1990

As a recovering addict/alcoholic, I can tell you my emotions and moods were all over the place for well over a year after rehab. Most of the time I couldn't even identify what I was feeling because I had "medicated" my feelings with drugs for years and years.

I am also a recovering codependent, and by immersing myself in my own recovery, I have learned how to deal with the addicts in my life.

You've been given some great suggestions!

Welcome to SR and know you have landed among friends.

Sending you hugs of support.