Gforce23

Hello SR community.

Today I am two weeks with out drinking. I wish I didn't feel the need to keep counting the days, but counting sobriety days is a bit like having a savings account: the more I put into it, the less I want to take out of it or mess with it in anyway. I guess the longer I go without drinking, the less I want to screw up.

That being said, even though I finally went to my home town meeting and met some really great people, I am really STRUGGLING with my desire to drink tonight. I'm tired, I'm tense, and I'm irritated with my husband. I'm up in front of the tube, and under these circumstances, I would be having a beer right now.

Whenever I start to think that I "can't" have a beer, or that I will "never" enjoy a beer again, I start to feel really freaked out. I start imagining back yard bonfires with friends without drinking, or going to the beach with my family and not enjoying some cider with my husband-- etc. I know that my drinking has consequences, I know that my drinking is a problem, but knowing that intellectually does not seem to help my mental state.
I must say it's been really helpful just to read other people's posts.
People keep saying that it gets easier. Can I ask WHEN!????

I'm trying to recognize that this is my addiction talking, but right now, I feel like I have multiple personality disorder, and my addictive personality is not being very nice, at all!

Cheers

peanut44

I think its "one day at a time". It sounds hard but it works. Have you found anyone at a meeting that you can call? Like a phone list?

I respect your honesty about the way you think.

You know what this disease is capable of!!!

Welcome to the sight!!

Lots of good stuff here=)

mecanix

Hi Gforce,

When does it get easier ? I think it varies with each of us . For me it was a couple of months but i was so far along in my drinking career that i'd isolated myself from having barbecues or signifcant others in my life as they got in the way of my drinking .

In the early days it's helpful to not stress over a future which may or maynot happen in my experience .
Worry about barbecues on barbecue days and beach days on a beach days because that is not today and today is the day you want to stay sober isn't it ?

I find a bubble bath or shower and clean sheets helpful to unwind .

i think the up's and downs calmed after a few weeks , just got to keep knocking out them days as you'd only have to go thro' them all again if you drank .

2 weeks

Bestwishes, M

neferkamichael

Gforce, day 14? You are FANTASTIC. Congratulations.

Lunetta

Tomorrow is day 30 for me, I totally know where you're coming from. I think about upcoming weddings (including those of couples not even engaged yet, that's how far in advance I've caught myself thinking). I have also been thinking of past events where I've drank with friends or family and had a great time, or had a great party. When these thoughts pop up, I try to remember the days after the party or get together was over and I continued to drink. Drinking all of the leftover alcohol from the party starting the next morning, going on a 2 or 3 day binge, not being able to stop, feeling like crap, going to work and getting sick from being hungover. I try to remind myself that unlike most people who can let loose one night, maybe nurse a hangover the next day and then be perfectly normal again I can't stop myself from drinking once I start. I think of the problems drinking has caused which far outweighs the good times. I hope this helps some and again, I totally know what you're going through!

Gforce23

Thanks! And, Great advice, Mecanix

However, sometimes, when I hear other peoples stories, sometimes I feel like a poseur! I guess everybody's drinking problem is different. I'm an out of hand social drinker, as in, I do the majority of my drinking in social situations, where it's "acceptable." Except, one drink is rarely, if never, enough and well, I am usually the drunkest one at a dinner party. Sometimes I'm not the drunkest one at a bonfire--where I lived previously, there where a few rednecks that I couldn't take the title from, but not because I didn't try.

I always want more booze once I've started, but fortunately, I usually pass out some time in the wee hours--my binges have usually only lasted for one night, (with the exception of a few weekend long parties/raves in the woods, etc.) Unfortunately, I usually wake up feeling like I've been hit by a train--and not like a steam train, but like a Japanese bullet train. ) I've had a d.u.i, a broken shoulder, and countless blackouts and questionable experiences with the opposite sex-- all brought to you by alcohol. Oh yeah, and I'm screwing up the lining of my stomach from repeated vomiting. Rock n' roll!

However, in between all this abusive drinking, I've managed to maintain something of a life--I make clothes, I ride my mountain bike and I've still got a decent relationship with my husband and great one with my kid -- so I sometimes wonder if I'm the real deal.

That being said, I wish I DIDN'T associate drinking with fun socializing. I wish I associated it with... feeling like crap: severe migraines, nausea, anxiety, sleeplessness, shame, guilt, fear, guilt, injuries, etc...(see above!)

Why does my brain associate drinking almost exclusively with fun and good times, and not with broken shoulders, d.u.i's and feeling like I was hit by a train? It doesn't make any sense to me that my brain only chooses to focus on the fun stuff, and not the consequences.

Anyhoo, I'm sure I'll be glad to wake up tomorrow morning bright eyed and bushy tailed and feeling good about myself for not having had a drink.

Thanks for the support everyone!

paul99

That's the alcoholism. That is how it whispers sweet nothings in your ear. Like it says in the big book: "We are unable, at times, to bring into our consciousness with sufficient force the memory of the suffering and humiliation of even a week or a month ago. We are without defense against the first drink."

Of course we don't want to remember the reality of our drinking, only the fantasy and the "good ol' days".

Keep at it, and congrats on the 14 days!

sugarbear1

At the meetings, ask if anyone understands Back to Basics and if they can help you through those steps.

That roller coaster doesn't go away for a while...

doggonecarl

Congrats on two weeks. That's an accomplishment.

I'd say between 30 and 50 days I quit romanticizing about driving up to the nearby convenience store, buying a 22 oz beer and chugging it in the parking lot, or sneaking out to my garage to drink a forty and hope my wife wouldn't catch me.

Ah, those wonderful associations with alcohol.

tomsteve

cool beans on 2 weeks! we who have been there know that is an eternity.

"However, sometimes, when I hear other peoples stories, sometimes I feel like a poseur!"

i felt that way early one. when i heard of living in a doorway, living under a bridge, being locked up in psych wards and a lot of other insanity that alcoholism caused, i thought for sure if i shared about where alcohol had taken me i would hear,"thats it? you havent gone down the scale enough yet." that never came.
when i started listening to the thinking, i was no different than the person who lived in a doorway, the person who lived under a bridge, or the many people who had been in psych wards.
i learned that it only matters what alcoholism did to me and that is all the people in AA cared about( that plus what i was willing to do about it). there was no level i had to reach to get help.

aasharon90

Even after 22yrs sober, there's always
something lurking, like some person, some
place, some thing that is waiting to ruffle
my feathers. Waiting to strike when i'm
at a low or not on my AA game/program.

In order to not let those thinks get to me,
I use all those recovery tools taught to me
over the yrs. to help me avoid restlessness,
irritability and discontent in my life.

I do enjoy life today sober free, but in order
to enjoy lasting happiness i continue to incorporate
those tools in my everyday life and pass on my
own experiences, strengths and hopes to the
newcomer.

Recovery Rewards and not Rollercoasters.

Gforce23

Thanks everybody,

I love this place. I love that I can come here and post any time of the day or night, and people will respond...maybe not at 3 am in the morning, but eventually!

Last night, instead of stewing in my juices, I came here and just talked it out. So not only is it a great outlet, it gives me something to do besides thinking about picking up a drink.

So, I appreciate it.

It is the morning, and while I do feel great for not drinking, I'm not exactly bright eyed and bushy tailed, because I stayed up late on these forums last night, and then my sweet snuggle bunny of a 5 year old boy crawled into into bed with me and around 5:30 in the morning, and for a little guy, he sure takes up a lot of room!

Anyway, thanks I'll be back here later!

Dave42001

You're doing great!! Kudos on the 14 days, think about it.. That's huge!! Like Peanut said, just take it one day at a time!! Keep going to meetings.. Your mind will play tricks on you.. It wants poison!! Keep up the great work!!

MIRecovery

I think the roller coaster would be a lot less scarey if your title read Day 14, AA meeting #14. IMO there is nothing more effective than a lot of meetings early in sobriety

Gforce23

You might be right about that, however, there is only one meeting in my town a week, and while there are a lot more meetings in the next larger town over, I don't have transportation during the day as my husband and I share a vehicle, and he uses it for work. There is a bus, but it takes for ever to get there and back, and I have to be back in time to pick up my son from school--we're new here so I don't really have a network of people I can count on to get him for me.

However! Now that I'm going to my hometown meeting, I'm hoping meet people I can catch a ride with.

So, I'm working on it.

Thanks all!

Coldfusion

Good Morning, Gforce!

My wife needs the computer today--just a quick note--

Do you have a sponsor yet? I was approached at my third meeting by my sponsor and his sponsor. Then the three of us met at sponsor's sponsor's house. I wanted sponsor's sponsor, but he had too many sponsees...

This is what is needed to be successful in the program.

Thanks!

Phil

MIRecovery

I would ask at your local meeting if there are others that could give you a ride to the out of town meeting. I would be willing to bet there are

Gforce23

Hi there Coldfusion! Nice to hear from you. You are a funny, funny person--this "sobriety" thing gets so goddamned serious at times (with good reason of course,) it's nice when someone offers a little levity!

In any case, no, not yet. I'm working on it. I want to find to go to at least one more meeting and see who I connect with first. I met some great potential people last night.

Here is a question for anybody: Do I really need to stick with same sex--anyone with advice on that? I'm a chick that has always been "one of the guy's" and while I'd like to avoid any weirdness, I met a few old timers that were pretty funny and great last night that I clicked with, (and I didnt' get any weird "hey your cute" vibes from) but so far not to many women I feel like can relate to--does that matter in the beginning--the "relating" part?

Thanks!

Anyway

MIRecovery

This comes up on a regular basis. I know in my case I am completely harmless and happily married so I would have no problem sponsoring a person of the opposite sex. The reason for same sex sponsors is to keep sex or jealousy out of the relationship. Generically it is a good idea but there are exceptions

Gforce23

Yeah, I know there are good reasons. When I was in the program before on a small island, the two women in the program actually turned me down for sponsorship. So... yeah that sucked. So one of the old timers, who was really sweet, sweet old man sort of sponsored me, but his wife wasn't to happy about it. If we we're late coming out of a meeting together, she gave us both the hairy eyeball. I'm married myself to a very handsome 45 year old man, so there isn't much danger with me hookin' up with one of the older male members...(no offense) But his wife had a problem with it so that put a damper on things.

We'll see what happens over the next week. At the women's meeting, only 2 members out of 15 offered to even be a temporary sponsor. I guess I'll take one of them up on it by next week. I was sort of hoping to find somebody in town here I could go have coffee with or whatever.

Anyway--just got back from the gym--30 minutes of Tabata on the spinner and 1 hour of free weights so I'm feeling positively Olympian right now!

Cheers!