Tonight
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Jun 2010
Location: UK
Posts: 2,937
Tonight
Tonight I am deeply hurt over some messages I read on my partners phone.
I was described as 'mental'.
All of the messages were to females.
Some were to friends that I made through mother and baby groups when I had my daughter.
Others were women from his work.
I worked hard to make those friends, so that me and my daughter could have new friends and experiences.
I think I tolerate a lot.
I feel lonely at the moment. I have felt lonely for a long time.
But it is truly hurtful when you find out that someone who is supposed to care about you can call you names and describe you in a negative manner to people you hold dear in your heart.
I just feel very, very sad.
The fact is through stopping drinking, working hard on myself I have never been as mentally strong as I am now. I have never been as proud of myself as I am now. I actually liked myself for once...although tonight I am questioning if that.
But I will not drink and I will keep moving forwards to where I want to be.
In 14 days I will have my year.
Thats 'my' year. Just for me.
I was described as 'mental'.
All of the messages were to females.
Some were to friends that I made through mother and baby groups when I had my daughter.
Others were women from his work.
I worked hard to make those friends, so that me and my daughter could have new friends and experiences.
I think I tolerate a lot.
I feel lonely at the moment. I have felt lonely for a long time.
But it is truly hurtful when you find out that someone who is supposed to care about you can call you names and describe you in a negative manner to people you hold dear in your heart.
I just feel very, very sad.
The fact is through stopping drinking, working hard on myself I have never been as mentally strong as I am now. I have never been as proud of myself as I am now. I actually liked myself for once...although tonight I am questioning if that.
But I will not drink and I will keep moving forwards to where I want to be.
In 14 days I will have my year.
Thats 'my' year. Just for me.
Member
Join Date: Jan 2013
Posts: 347
It isn't very nice to have that said about you, maybe he/she was just venting out of frustration? I'm not excusing it, but people can say things sometimes that they don't mean. do you think you should talk about it? I have to ask, why were you going through the phone? Are there trust issues? During withdrawal we can all act a bit strange, I know personally I lose my temper more often during the first 2 weeks, has anything like this happened to you?
You have the right attitude though, staying sober for yourself, make this year your year, a real life changing thing, reward yourself with good health.
I hope it works out for you.
You have the right attitude though, staying sober for yourself, make this year your year, a real life changing thing, reward yourself with good health.
I hope it works out for you.
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Jun 2010
Location: UK
Posts: 2,937
Yes massive trust issues due to his affair and him leaving me when our daughter was three months old to live with his other woman.
And I have 14 days to go until I hit a year of not drinking. So I am 352 days sober.
The venting I don't mind, but why is it always to women, never men?
It makes me suspicious and sad.
And I have 14 days to go until I hit a year of not drinking. So I am 352 days sober.
The venting I don't mind, but why is it always to women, never men?
It makes me suspicious and sad.
Member
Join Date: Jan 2013
Posts: 347
Well some men feel more comfortable about venting their frustrations to women rather then men because they don't want to appear weak in the eyes of their friends. What I would say is that a relationship cannot be healthy with trust issues that deep. You need to address them.
That's a fantastic achievement being sober that long, really well done you should be incredibly proud of yourself. I've never gone that long but from the stories on the forum a year sober can be the danger zone because complacency can sneak in.
Keep at it for yourself and remember you are an inspiration for people here trying to stay sober.
That's a fantastic achievement being sober that long, really well done you should be incredibly proud of yourself. I've never gone that long but from the stories on the forum a year sober can be the danger zone because complacency can sneak in.
Keep at it for yourself and remember you are an inspiration for people here trying to stay sober.
Fellow Traveler and Seeker
Join Date: Sep 2012
Location: Toronto, Ontario
Posts: 2,408
Nothing is better by drinking. I am sorry to hear about your situation. But you've come a long way, by what you mention. A year is more than many people have ever gone. Your daughter has a wonderful, sober mom. Focus on the positives, make a gratitude list. Let the other stuff fall as it will, and deal with it as you feel you need to, but protect your sobriety. You're worth it.
Member
Join Date: Sep 2010
Location: Ireland
Posts: 1,641
Sasha,
I am so pleased that you make no mention about seeing drink as a way of dealing with this.
You are fabulous.
True, the guy might be just venting.
You do need to take a good look at the relationship.
No rush, just something you need to do.
We have only one life.
Live it well.
I am listening to that myself too!
:ghug3
I am so pleased that you make no mention about seeing drink as a way of dealing with this.
You are fabulous.
True, the guy might be just venting.
You do need to take a good look at the relationship.
No rush, just something you need to do.
We have only one life.
Live it well.
I am listening to that myself too!
:ghug3
Member
Join Date: Apr 2012
Location: Keep Trying
Posts: 370
All I can say is that you are so strong. I've read your posts and you are just a really thoughful person who has put so much into your sobriety. It's so awesome that you are coming up on a year. I hope the pain subsides soon through healthy reflection and processing of the issues. Im sorry he did this to you. I would be so hurt too. Hugs
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Jun 2010
Location: UK
Posts: 2,937
I've slept on it.
I'm okay.
Today is another day.
I did not make a massive drama out of it.
I did not shout or scream.
I just commented that I was hurt and disappointed.
I think what makes it so unfair to me is that these are the friends that I made when I had had a baby and he could not be less interested. He made it quite clear he had this new group of friends, who funnily enough are nowhere to be seen now. He found the new mums and babies a bore.
These friends kept me sane.
I was on my own.
They looked after me, they were company.
Days are long when you have a tiny baby and you are doing it all on your own.
Your posts mean a lot to to me.
I do try and be kind to others especially when they are distressed. I know the feeling when you feel like your world has ended.
I guess I am just still surprised when another persons first instinct is to not help and be kind. I need to learn quick. You would think at nearly 40 years old I would have grasped that. Life is not a disney movie and sadly I am not snow white!
Thank you all
I'm okay.
Today is another day.
I did not make a massive drama out of it.
I did not shout or scream.
I just commented that I was hurt and disappointed.
I think what makes it so unfair to me is that these are the friends that I made when I had had a baby and he could not be less interested. He made it quite clear he had this new group of friends, who funnily enough are nowhere to be seen now. He found the new mums and babies a bore.
These friends kept me sane.
I was on my own.
They looked after me, they were company.
Days are long when you have a tiny baby and you are doing it all on your own.
Your posts mean a lot to to me.
I do try and be kind to others especially when they are distressed. I know the feeling when you feel like your world has ended.
I guess I am just still surprised when another persons first instinct is to not help and be kind. I need to learn quick. You would think at nearly 40 years old I would have grasped that. Life is not a disney movie and sadly I am not snow white!
Thank you all
Hears The Voice
Join Date: Jan 2013
Location: Unshackled
Posts: 7,901
For what it's worth, it seems unlikely that if anything was going on that you would be the topic of conversation.
I don't really know jack all about you or your husband, but maybe my outside perspective could be helpful.
I don't really know jack all about you or your husband, but maybe my outside perspective could be helpful.
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Jun 2010
Location: UK
Posts: 2,937
There were two types of messages.
One type was flirty to the women he works with, and the mention of me was that I was mental.
The other type to my friends was that I never speak to him and I have mental health problems. Bit like a pity party for him.
I just would prefer he does not portray me in such a way to my friends.
I think its unfair.
He also does not tend the whole truth - that his significant debts and ways of handling money has made life difficult, along with other missing information.
I don't sent his friends messages about his situation. I just get on with life the best I can.
So I do not see why he should do this to me.
He has no clue how important those friends are to me.
He never spent days, weeks, months alone with a baby like I did. Away from family because he gets to choose where we live. There some times I literally went days without seeing or speaking to anyone when he left.
If he wants to have flirtatious messages with random women from work, than thats his call, his business. But again please spare them the whole 'my girlfriend does not understand me' lark and at least tell them the issues I get annoyed about. I would love to know if they would put up with the same.
One type was flirty to the women he works with, and the mention of me was that I was mental.
The other type to my friends was that I never speak to him and I have mental health problems. Bit like a pity party for him.
I just would prefer he does not portray me in such a way to my friends.
I think its unfair.
He also does not tend the whole truth - that his significant debts and ways of handling money has made life difficult, along with other missing information.
I don't sent his friends messages about his situation. I just get on with life the best I can.
So I do not see why he should do this to me.
He has no clue how important those friends are to me.
He never spent days, weeks, months alone with a baby like I did. Away from family because he gets to choose where we live. There some times I literally went days without seeing or speaking to anyone when he left.
If he wants to have flirtatious messages with random women from work, than thats his call, his business. But again please spare them the whole 'my girlfriend does not understand me' lark and at least tell them the issues I get annoyed about. I would love to know if they would put up with the same.
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