kthopkt

I truly appreciate all the advice I have received on here...without it, I often wouldn't know what to do.

So I am driving back home again, which is a 9 hour drive, for another funeral. While I am home, I desperately want to go find my brother. I have an idea where he is staying & I have thought about going there looking for him. Maybe I can talk him into going into rehab??? The place he is staying is know to be a "druggie house." It is a place were people hang out just to use. I am nervous about finding him because I do not know how bad he is going to look or if I might be putting myself into danger by going to such a place.

Should I go & try to talk to him? I haven't seen him in so long & if I don't go this trip, it might be another 6-9 months before I will be home again. I want to see how he is & offer rehab again.

Am I being stupid? Would I be taking to much of a risk?

Please offer any advice you have...thank you!

Freedom1990

Personally I stay away from environments like that because they can be dangerous. I know firsthand as a recovering addict who was married to an active addict once upon a time (we were both using back then). It's a very seedy underworld with a lot of potential for harm.

He's an adult and active addict; he will do what he's going to do.

I found that acceptance and detachment works very well for me.

Sending you hugs of support.

TMZ

You can let him know you love him and you will be there when he gets through rehab.
But you are not going to convince him to go to rehab!!!

Only he can and will decide when he has had enough and wants to get clean and away from the drugs. They each find there own bottom and seek recovery on there own. That is there mountain to climb and there is nothing you can do for him. ( except pray)

Devushka25

Don't do it to yourself. My father is an addict. I have spent my life since I was 9, trying to shower that man with love hoping he'd enter treatment. When that didn't work I guilt tripped, begging him to do it for my brother and I. When that didn't work, I issued ultimatums, telling him he would no longer be my father. I'm 26, he's still an addict and I'm now trying the shower with live, kindness and acceptance route again, trying to entice with the idea of rekindling our relationship. This is unhealthy. I've been torturing myself for 17 years.

Don't torture yourself. We can't convince the people we love to enter treatment no matter how much we want to try. And believe me, I know how bad you want to try. They will only do it when they decide.

Word of advice, don't go to that place. Not only could it be potentially dangerous but you're right, you don't know how bad he'll be. I thought I could handle seeing my dad at his worst and I was wrong. I'll never get his gaunt from crack face, the scrawny skin and bones body, the dead eyes...out of my head. Again, don't torture yourself.

Love him from a distance, pray, and accept that only he can change himself. I know it's hard to wait, I know you won't get another chance for a while. I've seen my dad once in the last three years. But I strongly believe you will do yourself more harm than good if you pursue him and you will probably be disappointed.

Best wishes though no matter what you do. I don't take my own advice, I keep trying and hurting myself because of it.

Lara

This is a tricky one as I know how much I love my brother....

I think it depends on a number of things which you need to be sure of / ask yourself:
1. Will you be putting yourself in any physical danger by finding him?
2. Are you 100% sure you will be okay (emotionally) no matter what state you find your brother in?
3. Are you sure you understand that in no-way you can influence your brother in getting back into rehab.
4. Are you 100% sure that whatever the outcome (if you do see your brother) , whatever he says to you, or not, that you can keep emotionally detached. That the meeting will not affect your mood?
5. Are you 100% sure that you are not hoping for an outcome that in all probability will not happen
6. And are you 100% sure you are not opening your heart and soul up to be shattered.

If you still want to look for him - I understand. Love exists too and is true - and looking for someone because you love them - simply just because you love them - and if you have such a strong feeling about this - then go. Good luck and God bless.

mfanch

I have talked many into letting me take them to rehab. Not once has the person stayed sober. *I* felt better because they were off the streets, but in the end it has to be on their terns, not mine.

Lily1918

last time I jumped into the dopehouse I only got out by the grace of god and could have gotten killed. just food for thought. sure, your HP would protect you if you fell or got pushed into the lions den, but why jump into it!? In my experience the dealers GF got mad at me because she asked why I was so straight edged and yet being so nice. I told her I stopped drinking and smoking pot when I got pregnant. that hit a nerve with her because CPS took her child away, and I had no idea. It was a nasty fight. she punched me in the face and I ended up whooping her a**. but I still got a black eye, and thank god she didn't have a knife. please... be careful. I didn't try to provoke her I was kind and smiling and just "getting ti know you" and when I gave my reason for not using opiates ever, BAM!!!! outta nowhere. thank god I grew up fighting my brother and defended myself. please... be safe. hugs.

kthopkt

Thank you everyone for the advice! My heart keeps telling me to go but my head says "no, it is a BAD idea." I want so badly to have my brother back but I know that going to him right now isn't going to change a thing. He has put me in dangerous situations in the past, so why would I willingly put myself in such a place again. Besides, I truly cannot handle seeing him if he is as bad as I have heard.

I have to trust that he knows I will be here for him when he is ready. If it ever comes to that...I suppose that is the fear we all face.