GoldfishSyn

I read something last year about how and why the addict stops maturing when they take their first hit. It was like a light bulb went off when I read it because at that time I was still together with my now XAH. I realized why our arguments never went anywhere...because I was essentially arguing with a teenager! From that point on, I stopped arguing with him and started focusing on myself...what a relief.

Now I am trying to figure out where I read that. I was doing a lot of addiction research at the time, both online and reading print books. I thought maybe I had read it in one of the links from the stickys here, but I skimmed through and didn't see it. The source went on to describe how when the addict starts a program of recovery and begins to work through all of the old issues that they previously suppressed with a substance, they are able to catch up maturity-wise.

Does this sound familiar to anyone? I am looking for the original source as I have a friend who I think could benefit from it.

LoveMeNow

I have read that too but I can not remember where. I know my therapist told me the same thing.

YearForMe

Yes...my AH is a 58 year old teenager right now.

jerect

Yep my EXAH was 38 years old and it felt like I was living with a 19 year old... He took no responsibility for anything and anytime I tried having a discussion with him I would get better results by just banging my head into a wall....

Lara

I am sure it was EnglishGarden who mentioned it in one of her posts a few months ago...

Kindeyes

I'm not sure that you will find an original source for that information. I've heard it many many times over the last decade or two.

Circular arguments are certainly a part of addiction but it always makes me chuckle a little to realize how many (hundreds....thousands?) of times I have participated in the circular argument and then blamed it on the addict. It takes two people to participate in those silly arguments.....what did it say about my own maturity level? lol.

gentle hugs
ke