Samalone

First post in awhile, been hurting. My aw has been on bender since before christmas, intoxicated 24-7..just don't understand how she can keep doing this..feel myself turning into a different person, so angry, sleeping 13 hours a night just to be "away"..why do I stay? Like has been said codependency is a mf..in the morning she'll have no memory of the previous nights exchange, will say "i would never say such things" will get $2 from me for an aa meeting and then come home with more hand sanitizer..found hidden stash of like 10 empty bottles..just feel helpless..empty..want to pursue divorce but barely have energy to go to work..reading back on this post just seems lame and impotent..man up for gods sake..gonna be hard to break free..

CentralOhioDad

I'm sorry you're going through a rough time. Be kind to yourself, and take time for yourself. Do you have children that need tended to? If not, then get out the house and do things you would like to do, and let her get stupid runk all alone.

You are basically alone, so leave her alone with her best friend - the bottle.

Get away and start thinking about why you do stay, and what leaving could offer you in terms of sanity and peace.

Chicagoland is a wonderful area with so much to do - remember what it is you like to do, and DO IT!

But take each day as it is, and nothing more.

Much peace and strength,
C-OH Dad

Katiekate

Hey! You are doing the best you can, and you will find the energy to do what you need to do, bottom sounds near.

Is it possible for you to maybe take a weekend and get away from it for a couple of days????

We care about you, please keep posting, you will formulate a plan.

I'm sorry you are in so much pain, uggggg.

Sending you good thoughts and peace! Katie kate

Samalone

Thank you been so isolated indeed losing my identity, so defined by my codie issues, very grateful for this forum tho..

PohsFriend

I'm still waking up to the realization that my ex was an alcoholic and seeig the depth and breadth of the emotional abuse that I missed until it was directed at my DD.... Yeah, no fun to be a big strong guy and feel like a little beeeeeyatch but it sounds like you are seeing it clearly now. That's kinda step one.

When life is kicking your ass, don't join in. We do the best we can with the tools we have, then we learn new tools and learn more about ourselves and do better. ...self loathing is the worst kind my friend. Saw one of those funny ecards recently with a dog kicking grass that read "Dogs just kick some grass over **** and move on, they don't carry it around". Smart dogs.

Florence

Samalone, if you're feeling so lethargic that it's difficult to manage daily tasks, it might be worthwhile to see a GP about depression. There's no shame in it. I've been there. Exercise, fresh air, and some light meds helped me enormously.

inpieces314

I agree about depression. I have it, I have been diagnosed for the past decade, but I find it much easier to live with everything I have in life to deal with when I am taking care of the depression. When I am not taking care of it, everything is much worse.

The best you can do is make sure you are taking care of yourself.

NYCDoglvr

Alanon would be a huge help, it's people who are or have gone through this. There are terrific tools that ease the pain and wonderful support.