ODAT63

Is it the weather? WTH is going on? I have been okay and just to know that the AXH is a RA is driving me crazy.. so I heard this song as I am at work:
Nothing by Script:
Am I better off dead
Am I better off a quitter
They say I'm better off now
Than I ever was with her
As they take me to my local down the street
I'm smiling but I'm dying trying not to drag my feet

They say a few drinks will help you to forget her
But after one too many I know that I'm never
Only they can see where this is gonna end
But they all think I'm crazy but to me it's perfect sense

And my mates are all there trying to calm me down
'Cause I'm shouting your name all over town
I'm swearing if i go there now
I can change your mind turn it all around

And I know that I'm drunk but I'll say the words
And she'll listen this time even though they're slurred
Dialed her number and confess to her
I'm still in love but all I heard was nothing

So I stumble there, along the railings and the fences
I know if I'm face to face that she'll come to her senses
Every drunk step I take leads me to her door
If she sees how much I'm hurting
She'll take me back for sure

Oh sometimes love is intoxicating
Oh you're coming down your hands are shaking
When you realize there's no one waiting

and I am thinking to myself.......BS.... he told me he loved me so much for so many years.....he is a RA now and he is NOT looking for me???
He closed his door on 17 years of so called LOVE!! now he moved out and on...crap sometimes I hate recovery!!! ...I can't even type I am so angry! I wanted him to call me and he never did..now he is gone!!

LexieCat

Hi,

I'm sorry you're hurting. Has it occurred to you that his moving on might be a huge favor? People change, and getting sober is one of the hugest changes a person can experience. It doesn't mean he never loved you, but maybe he realizes that trying to rekindle the relationship might not be for the best. Did you want him to recover ONLY if you could have him back? Would you rather he suffer and die if you can't have him? I'm not suggesting that you would, just something to think about.

Since he has moved on, it's probably best for you to do the same. You don't need this specific individual in your life to be happy. You may want something with all your being, but that doesn't mean you are entitled to it, or that you need it.

Acceptance can bring a lot of peace, and the ability to go on and live your life.

ShootingStar1

I can relate to what you're saying, ODAT63. I left my AH of almost 20 years ago last July 4th. We put so many years, so much effort, so much caring, so much heartache into living with them, into keeping them alive, into loving them.

And then it's done. Over. They're gone.

There's a current thread about loving the "ghost" - the person who we created as a fantasy in our own minds - that has been echoing over and over in my mind the last couple of days. I think it relates to what you are talking about, too.

We tried so hard, we gave so much of ourselves, and yet in some ways, we have no impact. We couldn't do what no one can do - fix someone else. I find it heartbreaking, and my AH isn't even in recovery, as much as I know. I can see how it would be so painful to know that your XAH is now in recovery without you.

My heart is with you.

ShootingStar1

brokenrose

I feel your pain so much....I just listened to the song, uggh I wish so much he was missing me like that...mine abandoned me 3 months ago almost to the day, and now has someone new and fine life goes on....but I am so angry, I really thought he cared and he once was so needy then poof vanished. I hope this pain goes away soon, Odat! Stay strong...Hugs.