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Powerless is not weakness when it comes to my alcoholism

Old 01-29-2013, 09:56 AM
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Powerless is not weakness when it comes to my alcoholism

Powerlessness. When I first heard this word as it relates to my alcoholism I dismissed it connecting it with weakness.......

It took me a long time to see I was really powerless. I made the excuse I drank because I chose to not because I needed to. Till the day when I realized it had more power over me than I had over it.....


I was raised that you don't get sick and you don't whine or complain and you push through pain. Both emotional and physical.......

I was raised to believe I had power.I drank over those stuffed feelings. I truly did not know what to do with those feelings.......

But those ideas of having power have to be discarded if I am to begin the process of recovery. I have to see that my alcoholism was the driving force in my life and everything I did revolved around it........

Where I went, how I planned my day, it had to be the main thing I was concerned about to do anything else.......

I couldn't moderate or control my drinking even though my life was crumbling around me. Even when I began to lose the things that mattered to me most. Those things began to take 2nd Place to my drinking........

I found myself doin things that I would never have done sober and I am overcome with shame when I think of them. Sick to my stomach really.....

I remember I actually stole tips off the bar to buy my drinks when the customer was in the bathroom. That's desperation. I was depserate. And trust me that is not the worst thing I have done.......

I had decided many times to quit or moderate but it did not last long. Maybe a week tops.I thought the drinking itself was my only problem........

Not until I found this AA/SR did I find out it was that and a whole lot more having to do with my thinking and behaviours, and my avoiding feelings. I truly have to admit I am powerless.......


Even now, my addiction manifests itself in many ways and I need to be honest with my sponsor in sharing these things with her.........

Eating, this chatroom, you tube.........

Anything I do to change the way I feel is my
addiction presenting itself in my life.......

I need to be honest and not replace my alcoholism.......

I have to admit powerlessness over everything this illness represents. Because if nothing changes then nothing changes and it won't be long till I do pick up alcohol........

That is why it is so important to work these steps with my sponsor. I will never get to the root of my troubles till I work them honestly and thoroughly with my sponsor........

I need to find healthy behavuors to replace my old behavours.I need to attend meetings regularly to push the old ideas out and insert the new ideas of recovery in, and I need to do it on a consistent basis......

This illness doesn't rest, it doesn't take vacations....

I have found that getting involved in service in program and reaching out to new people has given me new purpose in life......

This disease wants me dead and until then plain miserable.It is a lie . It's not gonna win today. I remain vigilant. Recovery now is number #1, ahead of job, family, everything. Without it I don't have those things.......

I have found a power greater than this disease in God and this program. I am so grateful I am sober today! Thanks
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Old 01-29-2013, 11:37 AM
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Great read, thanks.

I, too, have to admit that once that liquor hits my lips, any power I had over it is totally gone. I am its slave. I do whatever it wants. Whatever it commands. My mistress is an abusive liar.
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Old 01-29-2013, 11:38 AM
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