lost all my friends
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Thread Starter
Join Date: Jan 2013
Location: LA, CA
Posts: 16
lost all my friends
I'm super depressed. As I am trying to deal with my emotions I can't help but be angry and hard on the people I love. I've always have been the type of friend people look up to and would came to me with their issues. now I have lost that and all my friends have taken a distance from me. Every time I went out with my friends I would drink too much and my personality would change and I would be so over barring in my way of communication that I seem to have lost all my close friends.
My anger toward myself and the resentment that I feel about the things that has happened in my life keeps me always on the edge to want to just drink, not to have to deal with my feelings. I feel so lonely and that gives me more motivation to close myself off and shut down in my room. I just want to drink my sorrows away. I know this is all self pity behavior and I don't know how to snap out of it! I'm about to lose my boyfriend cause he can not deal with my emotional drama. ( thou, he is drama man number 1! But he doesn't drink or smoke and wants me to stop) He has been my best friend for 13 years and I love him nevertheless, my fair of abdomen makes me push him away and shut down. I have no compassion for anyone and feel like the whole world is against me. How could I become so selfish and needy? Im stuck! please give some words of wisdom as I don't know what else to do! I read a lot of self help books, just started tai chi and work out on a regular. I used to meditate but don't have the will power to do so now....I feel no hope for the future!
My anger toward myself and the resentment that I feel about the things that has happened in my life keeps me always on the edge to want to just drink, not to have to deal with my feelings. I feel so lonely and that gives me more motivation to close myself off and shut down in my room. I just want to drink my sorrows away. I know this is all self pity behavior and I don't know how to snap out of it! I'm about to lose my boyfriend cause he can not deal with my emotional drama. ( thou, he is drama man number 1! But he doesn't drink or smoke and wants me to stop) He has been my best friend for 13 years and I love him nevertheless, my fair of abdomen makes me push him away and shut down. I have no compassion for anyone and feel like the whole world is against me. How could I become so selfish and needy? Im stuck! please give some words of wisdom as I don't know what else to do! I read a lot of self help books, just started tai chi and work out on a regular. I used to meditate but don't have the will power to do so now....I feel no hope for the future!
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Join Date: Dec 2012
Location: Chicago
Posts: 577
Welcome, plant...coming here is a good step in the right direction.
For me, things got a lot better once I stopped drinking for a little while. Ah, but that's the hard part isn't it? Have you ever tried meetings or rehab, or any serious attempts to stop?
For me, things got a lot better once I stopped drinking for a little while. Ah, but that's the hard part isn't it? Have you ever tried meetings or rehab, or any serious attempts to stop?
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Jan 2013
Location: LA, CA
Posts: 16
thank you coraltine,
I indulge in alcohol if I drink but I preferre smoking weed. I don't drink during the day and not every day but a good 3-4 days a week and then too much. Rehab is out of the question since I'm in the caribbean and don't have access to a center or a AA group. Plus I don't like going to an AA group. was thinking I could find a group online. I am trying to stop but y step dad is an alcoholic ( so was my real dad and my grandmother and my sister) so wine is at every dinner in my house. It's hard cause I feel so lonely and the alcohol keeps me company. My mom, who doesn't drink at all is very worried and doesn't even like stepping out with me anymore out of fear I will start drinking too much. I am trying to bring up the will power to quit cause the day after is just not worse it for me. But i get amnesia at dinner time and think one or two glasses won't hurt. but it does. I wake up moody and have no ambition.
I indulge in alcohol if I drink but I preferre smoking weed. I don't drink during the day and not every day but a good 3-4 days a week and then too much. Rehab is out of the question since I'm in the caribbean and don't have access to a center or a AA group. Plus I don't like going to an AA group. was thinking I could find a group online. I am trying to stop but y step dad is an alcoholic ( so was my real dad and my grandmother and my sister) so wine is at every dinner in my house. It's hard cause I feel so lonely and the alcohol keeps me company. My mom, who doesn't drink at all is very worried and doesn't even like stepping out with me anymore out of fear I will start drinking too much. I am trying to bring up the will power to quit cause the day after is just not worse it for me. But i get amnesia at dinner time and think one or two glasses won't hurt. but it does. I wake up moody and have no ambition.
...It's Time.
Join Date: Jan 2013
Location: NJ
Posts: 83
Plant, Im just emerging out of the same place your in. I pushed my closest friends away as well with my drinking. I to felt alone and I lost my boyfriend to it. At least you havent gotten there... I didnt go to AA at first I went to one on one counseling and it helped me form a recovery plan which gave me a goal to strive for. That helped me focus. I think its great you started working out, I do to and I feel so much better and energetic physically. I think focusing on yourself and people in your life seeing that you are serious about recoving will slowly bring them back but even if they dont so what you will make new friends and life goes on. Your main focus should be you right now. More importantly you need to want to get sober for yourself not anyone else.
Member
Join Date: Dec 2010
Location: San Diego
Posts: 4,451
Hi, plantme.
Isolation is a common, almost predictable step down the addiction ladder. Your mom has good reason to be concerned. It's also common to confuse the cause with the cure: Wanting to drink to provide comfort because you're lonely and depressed. But think this through: you've already said drinking is the reason you've lost friends, and that even your mom doesn't want to go out with you. And alcohol is a depressant—you're bathing your brain in a depressant every night. That few hours or comfort is coming at the expense of how you feel the rest of the day—how you really feel, in other words. And when someone feels bad about themselves, they feel bad about the world. I know that selfish, bitter feeling you describe all too well. I spent years seeing myself as a perpetually aggrieved victim, shortchanged by life and everyone around me.
Here's the good news: quitting can solve all of that. It feels like a big scary step because your addiction will kick and scream at the very idea of quitting, tell you that you need drinking to enjoy life, to socialize. Up is down, forward is back, lies, lies, lies. Don't listen to that voice. I read a ton of self-help books while I was drinking. You know what? None of them did me any good until I stopped drinking.
It's a leap of faith, but quitting gave me back my confidence and self-respect. Because I feel good about myself, I feel good about others, and people can see that. I'm way more fun to be around now—even when I'm alone, lol... It takes 100% commitment, but it sounds like you'd have a strong supporter in your mom. Invest a month, see what you think. I bet you'll like it.
Isolation is a common, almost predictable step down the addiction ladder. Your mom has good reason to be concerned. It's also common to confuse the cause with the cure: Wanting to drink to provide comfort because you're lonely and depressed. But think this through: you've already said drinking is the reason you've lost friends, and that even your mom doesn't want to go out with you. And alcohol is a depressant—you're bathing your brain in a depressant every night. That few hours or comfort is coming at the expense of how you feel the rest of the day—how you really feel, in other words. And when someone feels bad about themselves, they feel bad about the world. I know that selfish, bitter feeling you describe all too well. I spent years seeing myself as a perpetually aggrieved victim, shortchanged by life and everyone around me.
Here's the good news: quitting can solve all of that. It feels like a big scary step because your addiction will kick and scream at the very idea of quitting, tell you that you need drinking to enjoy life, to socialize. Up is down, forward is back, lies, lies, lies. Don't listen to that voice. I read a ton of self-help books while I was drinking. You know what? None of them did me any good until I stopped drinking.
It's a leap of faith, but quitting gave me back my confidence and self-respect. Because I feel good about myself, I feel good about others, and people can see that. I'm way more fun to be around now—even when I'm alone, lol... It takes 100% commitment, but it sounds like you'd have a strong supporter in your mom. Invest a month, see what you think. I bet you'll like it.
...It's Time.
Join Date: Jan 2013
Location: NJ
Posts: 83
After time Alcohol becomes this monsterous depressant apmlifying everything worng in your life and making it seem hopeles. Before you know it your in this world of self pitty. I know around the the 2nd week of not drinking after being totatlly detoxed I started to get some of my motivation and ambition back. Before that I woke up every morning wanting to just take a shot and go back to bed. Just this loser state of mind. Not me at all. Its different for all of us but it will come back. You just have to do your part.
Member
Join Date: Mar 2007
Location: Southern Ontario, Canada
Posts: 1,618
Welcome!
I did a great job of pushing everyone away too...including my boyfriend, his family, and his friends.
I know it is hard to get out of self pity mode...I have been there, and have also tried to drink it away...and it almost killed me. I pushed my bf away too, being afraid of abandonment. Sounds silly but I really had to learn how to love MYSELF on my own before the world seemed like a wonderful place. I read self help books too.....I did for years, still do, the difference is that now I dont just read them.....I take the wisdom that fits for me and implement it into my life....every day.
I think you need some kind of serious plan of action to get better. Wishing or wanting is a good start...but it takes a LOT more than that. It may start slowly, but then the motivation snowballs.
There IS hope! If there was for me then there is for you too.
((((((((HUGS))))))))))
I did a great job of pushing everyone away too...including my boyfriend, his family, and his friends.
I know it is hard to get out of self pity mode...I have been there, and have also tried to drink it away...and it almost killed me. I pushed my bf away too, being afraid of abandonment. Sounds silly but I really had to learn how to love MYSELF on my own before the world seemed like a wonderful place. I read self help books too.....I did for years, still do, the difference is that now I dont just read them.....I take the wisdom that fits for me and implement it into my life....every day.
I think you need some kind of serious plan of action to get better. Wishing or wanting is a good start...but it takes a LOT more than that. It may start slowly, but then the motivation snowballs.
There IS hope! If there was for me then there is for you too.
((((((((HUGS))))))))))
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Jan 2013
Location: LA, CA
Posts: 16
Ready and able 
I know your so right! I just have to tap into my little bit of self respect and faith that I can change my whole life around... and "hope" is a foreign word to me at this point... But will try my best a day at the time. Today will be the first day I will give it another go to not drink! Thank you
I know your so right! I just have to tap into my little bit of self respect and faith that I can change my whole life around... and "hope" is a foreign word to me at this point... But will try my best a day at the time. Today will be the first day I will give it another go to not drink! Thank you
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Thread Starter
Join Date: Jan 2013
Location: LA, CA
Posts: 16
Madamx,Thats exactly how I feel... after losing my business cause I just couldn't get out of bed and my energy was so negative, I lost all my clients and that confirmed the "i'm such a looser". I hope your right that it will come back and I pray that I can stop. during the depression it so darn hard! I feel like I have nothing to hold on too and me is not enough.
Member
Join Date: Sep 2012
Posts: 458
Good Luck Plantme,
I have taken so much from your thread, the words and advice of Windancer, MadameX and ReadyAndAble make so much sense.
I can't thank you enough for posting but you have just about hit the nail on the head with my thoughts about my ways. I'm on day 29 and it's nice to know these are my true feelings I have not felt them for some years.
Thank you all xxxx
I have taken so much from your thread, the words and advice of Windancer, MadameX and ReadyAndAble make so much sense.
I can't thank you enough for posting but you have just about hit the nail on the head with my thoughts about my ways. I'm on day 29 and it's nice to know these are my true feelings I have not felt them for some years.
Thank you all xxxx
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