4444lost

Every time I am ask to have more responsability at work, chance to move up, I panic and start to make myself phisically ill, when during my trainig I make a mistake and my brain cant handle it I have felt ill for 4 days now because of my mistake, I cant get over it and now have lost all my confidence in my ability to do the job, I take things to personally, and think about how my minor mistake effected those that had to fix and repair my mistake. so what is wrong with me .I need to see someone but have no insurance no extra money for any kind of therapy.I know what everyone is going to say so I am reluctent to even post this so here I go.

Tuffgirl

Self-help books are available for loan at your local library. The internet is free at many locations. The best thing you can do for yourself is take some time to introspect. And the person who knows you best is you. Sure, therapy is wonderful, but if you can't afford it - try other options that are inexpensive or even free.

Al-Anon is also wonderful, and costs about a buck a meeting. But its not meetings that make it work, its working the 12 steps, preferably with someone who can lead the way (a sponsor).

Confidence is built, not inherently within us. In order to build confidence, one must be self aware and willing to take risks and experience successes. I do believe its a mind-set. If we are negative and full of self doubt, how can we have confidence in our abilities? I am far more successful when I believe I can be successful. And building back some confidence after its been thoroughly shaken takes time and patience in oneself.

Peace, 4444lost.
~T

HoopNinja

lost-remember there is nothing our alcoholics like more than to make us feel incompetent. We are always the problem. If you live like this for awhile you actually start to believe it.

Some people here know I am a hooper (meditative hooper now-lol). Here is a something a hooper posted on one of our sites. I now have it blown up and plastered on the wall in my cube at work (and am thinking about putting it in every room in my house).

Warriors are not born
and they are not made. . .

Warriors create themselves
through trial and error,
pain and suffering,
and their ability to conquer
thier own faults. . .

A lot of us here are pretty broken ourselves and we need to put ourselves back together--and it is hard because sometimes we need to face some not so nice things we have become. BUT we CAN change. It is up to us to change. Just like we cannot change out alcoholic--no one can change us. We need to do the work and yes, it often hurts a lot. But when you come out on the other side of facing even one of those things and know you have overcome it--it is a great feeling. Take small steps. Things will not change overnight. If you cannot afford thearpy see if there are any support groups in your community. Stay here and ask questions. Believe in yourself because you are worth it.

dandylion

Dear 4444, I think that TuffGirl has a good point---give yourself some time and patience. Obviously, your ego has taken a hard "hit". I know how bad that feels, because it has happened to me, at times, over the years.

I'll bet that you have been severely criticized at some times in the past (childhood)? I'm just guessing, here. We commonly carry childhood feelings into our present. At any rate, It sounds like you are being very hard on yourself.

Alanon is basically free and just going can help with your self-esteem--among other things. Just being around non-critical and accepting people can help sooo much!

Read all you can and keep coming back here whenever you feel like it.

Just don't give up.

We care and m ost of us understand how you are feeling.

Sincerely, dandylion

ReflectingOnMe

Remember that training is there for a purpose - to train someone who doesn't have a particular skill to learn the skill. You are in a learning environment; I get flustered with new things when someone is standing over me. Makes me feel vulnerable and as though they have a position of power over me. There are many free things you can do; support groups, online forums

kudzujean

I feel your pain.

Al Anon has helped me a lot to be more gentle with myself. I have a loud critical voice in my head that I am still working to exterminate.

Instead of saying to myself things like, "What a stupid thing to do," "What a fool I was," I'm learning to say something like, "You were doing the best you could."

I expected perfection of myself at work; it wasn't other people expecting it.

Best to you.

MsPINKAcres

Learning to not tolerate unhealthy and unacceptable behavior from ourselves is a great way to improve our self-esteem ~

we are not ignorant, stupid or dumb ~ we are simply unfamiliar about the subject at hand ~ we all are capable of learning new things - you learned how to reach out for help and that's one of the hardest things ever -

see how great you are ~

keep hanging in there and learning, loving yourself and allowing yourself to be loved & appreciated by healthy people -

pink hugs!

LexieCat

One other thought--does your employer have an Employee Assistance Plan? They can help with free counseling on a variety of subjects, and if you need more in-depth help they may be able to hook you up with someplace that will let you pay on a sliding scale.

And yes, Al-Anon can help with all kind of things that hold us back!